Thanksgiving marks the official beginning of the holiday season. Although usually less fraught with anxiety than Christmas, if it is the first “big holiday” since your estrangement from your spouse, you may be dreading the day. It also may be your first holiday without your children.

Going through a divorce can give you the perfect “excuse” to break with tradition and forge your own way of celebrating. Spending the holiday home by yourself watching videos and eating Chinese take-out (yes, they are open on Thanksgiving) may be just what you need to do! Evelyn prepared a complete Thanksgiving dinner for herself of her favorite foods. She set the table with linen and candles and put on music she liked. Then she enjoyed the day celebrating by herself. Divorce gives you the opportunity to listen to what you want and what works for you. It can be a time of loss of traditions, but it also can signal liberation from those traditions, rituals, and obligations that no longer have meaning for you.

If you do decide to spend the holiday alone, some people may feel uncomfortable with your decision. Stand your ground. Know what is right for you. If you need to spend the day cleaning out the basement or making cookies, then do it! Pay attention to your own needs.

If you have your children for the holiday, you may want to discuss alternate plans with them. Some families go to the movies on Thanksgiving Day, eschewing the big turkey for a big bag of popcorn. You can make new choices to fit your life. Above all remember, every holiday is only twenty four hours. You can get through twenty four hours. Next year won’t carry the same weight as this year. You will be surprised when you look back on how far you have really come. You will be able to affirm that the journey was tough, but worth it!

One final word on Thanksgiving—whatever you decide to do, set aside a few minutes to express and feel your gratitude. You can do this in prayer, with your children, in a letter to yourself, or in volunteering. There are good things in your life. When you neglect to honor them, you give divorce too much power. Divorce is not your whole life, but rather something that happens in your life!

Adapted from Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce

© Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC 2005, 2009.

This is the story…

Two teenagers organizing a neighborhood food drive to give thanks by giving to others. “Bridgett Jenkins recognized a memory in the making when her 13-year-old daughter, Stacy, and her pal Jaymie Grauman, 14, organized a neighborhood food drive late last week [November 1996]. ‘They were just sitting there, and they said ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to just help someone?’ We’ve been there before,’ Jenkins said. “We know what it’s like to be down and out.’ The girls used Jaymie’s computer to design their fliers, then they hand-delivered them to the 150 homes in their neighborhood, Tibbitts Landing. That Sunday the girls got a little red wagon and started collecting. With the help of Jaymie’s father and a few friends, they ended the day with 10 bags of groceries for the food bank at Elk Plain School. ‘They were really excited,’ Jenkins said of the Bethel Junior High School students. ‘They thought nobody would really put anything out.’ Now they know how one generous act leads to another.”

Let us hope that we can all follow the heroic example of these two young girls.
Ruth