Numerous Factors Lead To The Demise Of A Marriage Or Relationship According to Author
Will The Dynamics of A Relationship Doom A Marriage? A Review of an Article Published by Healthy Peoples
I was intrigued by an article entitled “Twelve Biggest Reasons People Fall Out of Love” and determined to read/review the article and provide my input to the reasons cited by the author.
- The “honeymoon phase” of a romantic relationship is characterized by excitement, lust, sexual intimacy, and a general feeling that “this is it”! However, over time……this “honeymoon phase” does come to an end. The parties may think that if the excitement and lust have gone….is the relationship over? Has it ended? There must be a realization by the parties that the “love” has not evaporated or left….but, that the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship has run its course and is over. This does not mean that the marriage is doomed!!
- Some couples have a constant “battle” over who is going to “control” the dynamics of the relationship. These couples are prone to having incidents of anger and domestic violence as the party seeking to “control” the other spouse seeks to have “supremacy” of the relationship. The parties may have to seek counseling if there is any hope of salvaging the marital relationship.
- Some parties enter a romantic relationship with the expectation that they will be able to “change” or “transform” their mate after marriage!! The general theme should be “What you see and experience is what you shall get”!! One’s partner is not going to undergo fundamental changes in the way they relate or behave after marriage. To expect otherwise is mere folly!! For example, if Husband is a heavy drinker or heavy user of “pot”, the mere fact that he is getting married is not likely to change his habits of drinking or using “pot”!
- Some couples are truly incompatible but do not realize same until the “honeymoon phase” in the relationship is over. Many couples marry without knowing the religion, personal belief system, and/or the parenting philosophy of the other party…….they later realize that their values and philosophies about life in general are not compatible.
- Many marriages end because one of the parties has had or continues to have an extramarital relationship. This factor impacts upon the ability of the parties to be able to trust one another. Frankly, I would have put this “reason” at the top of the list as it seems to be a primary factor in the divorces wherein I am involved as the counsel of record. It must be noted that some couples can resolve their differences even after an “affair” but that takes much effort and work on the part of both parties.
- Sometimes a major life event can change the entire dynamics of a marital relationship. In the early years of my practice, a Husband sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury from a motorcycle accident. The incident left him with the personality/development of an adolescent. He was not the “man” Wife had married. She wanted to end the marriage as her Husband had become likened to an adolescent child. And, there are situations where the serious illness or death of a child can be so devastating to the parties that the marriage cannot remain intact.
- Jealousy of one party in the marriage can lead to the demise of a marriage. If one party is constantly “checking up” on the other party by email, stalking, texting, etc., it can lead to discord and the demise of the marriage. There must be an element of trust between the two parties in a marriage.
- There must be an effort put forth by each party to keep the lines of communication open and to keep the passion of the marriage alive and well. Each party must communicate to the other party love, respect, and commitment to the relationship. Neglect of the relationship leads to discord and dissention which could lead to divorce.
- It is most important for couples in a relationship to determine how to handle or resolve family conflicts! Un-resolved conflicts can result in anger and resentment….both emotions are damaging to a marital relationship. Can the parties discuss the “conflict” and arrive at a compromise that is beneficial and satisfactory for each party.
- Relationships based entirely upon “lust” and “sexual attraction” may not last when the “honeymoon period” ends as it becomes apparent that the main attraction was the physical one and that there are no deeper emotional connections between the two parties. I liken these marriages to the ones that take place in the “Chapels” of Las Vegas….people fly in to be married on a “whim” and later determine the decision was not a sound one. They really are not in love with one another and they can’t understand why they are even married.
- Marriages can also fail if one partner is overly “dependent” or “clingy” on the other partner in a relationship. The “independent” partner may become overwhelmed by the apparent needs of the “dependent” partner. He or she may feel like they have married a “minor” child who is entirely dependent upon them for care and survival.
- Each party in a healthy marriage must feel needed and appreciated….if each party feels totally independent and not connected, the marriage is not likely to survive. In a relationship, there must be a healthy balance between the needs and expectations of each party to the marriage.
I enjoyed reading the relationship article and felt the author thoroughly covered the chosen topic!
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Anne Shale is of counsel to Dayton, Ohio, law firm, Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues. She is a former registered nurse and concentrates her practice in Family Law and Divorce cases.