Relationship Builder Tip of the Month – Archive

Tip of the Month – Apr ’12

“How do I love thee, let me count the ways…..When asked to make a list of reasons why they should stay together, the couple began to write on the paper provided by the counselor. The wife filled out one and a half sheets and noticed her husband was well into page three! Not being able to take it any longer after he flipped to page five, she abruptly took his pad to see what in the world he could have been writing. On each line of every page there were only three words written over, and over again……I Love Her! How do you count the ways?”

Tip of the Month – Mar ’12

“Many of the disputes and arguments engaged in by couples could be averted if the conversation was approached with a different goal in mind at the outset.  As opposed to striving for an unyielding agreement from your spouse or partner, make a valiant attempt to gain a clearer understanding of what they are saying.  A person who feels heard and understood is more apt to return the same level of receptivity and openness leading to more effective and improved communication.”

Tip of the Month – Feb ’12

“In raising children it has been said: some children do what you say, some children will hear what you say, but most children will do what you do. As parents and spouses, one of the questions my wife and I often ask ourselves as well as others is, “are you the husband or spouse, man or woman, you desire your son or daughter to grow up to be?” Our children are looking to us to set the example for them to either follow or avoid. Which example are you providing for your children?”

Tip of the Month – Jan ’12

“Being willing to discuss what it is you want or expect from your spouse or partner is advantageous in a relationship.  Often unspoken expectations partnered with unrealistic expectations are major causes of why our expectations lead to disappointments.  Remember the acronym HOW when discussing your expectations.  Talk Honestly, Openly, and Willingly with your spouse to avoid the pitfall of your expectations leading to disappointment.”

Tip of the Month – Dec ’11

“In the technological age that we live in, many times the devices we most often use and sometimes rely on will malfunction. Almost all will, at one time or another, require either a hard or soft resetting of the system to resume normal functioning. Our feelings and emotions are somewhat similar. After experiencing different feelings we sometimes require a resetting of our emotions. Resetting of emotions requires making a choice to not continue to “feel” a certain way. Your role in helping your spouse reset his/her emotions could be as simple as offering a sincere apology. Reset and return to your previous state of loving each other!”

Tip of the Month – Nov ’11

“I have found myself, with lack of complaint, walking up and down aisle after aisle of various items of home décor. I have been known to stand patiently and quietly holding the dreaded “purse” while my wife looks at shoes or clothing with the zeal and excitement of a kid in a candy store. On one of these occasions a young lady inquired of my spouse, “how did you get him to do that?” referring to my carrying her purse. With a smile on her face she responded to the young woman by stating…“He loves me!” If carrying your wife’s purse is the cost for spending time with her, I encourage every man to gladly pay it every time!”

Tip of the Month – Oct ’11

“The ability to give of one’s self without the expectation of receiving anything in return is the core of selflessness or being selfless. An excellent way to increase your self-esteem can be found in giving freely of yourself in time or service to another. Give your self-esteem a boost today and ask yourself, how can I display the quality of selflessness toward my spouse? Commit a random act of selflessness for your spouse and feel great about it!”

Tip of the Month – Sept ’11

“Compassion is the ability to demonstrate sympathy, concern, and empathy toward another. My wife’s concern for my well-being, her kindness, and consideration results in reciprocity. In other words…the more she gives to me, the more I want to give to her in return! Allow compassion to be contagious between you and your spouse. The best definition of empathy I’ve ever heard is: Empathy is feeling your spouse’s pain….in your heart.”

Tip of the Month – Aug ’11

“Insert your spouse/partner’s pet name), I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me? These seven words can often begin the healing process in a relationship after a terse exchange of words or actions. Humility in a relationship is vital. It is a life giving, love sustaining, and affirming quality that many possess, but all too often fail to employ with the person they love. Be willing to humble yourself in your relationship, and watch the healing power of love take over.”

Tip of the Month – Jul ’11

“Summer is finally here! Ahhhh! The season of yard work and gardening, exterior home repair and maintenance, and automotive upkeep, and VACATIONS! I encourage you to pay equal attention to the preservation of your relationship. Weed the garden of your heart of any negativity! Irrigate your spouse’s heart with the growth enhancing waters of love and kindness. Inspect the foundation and structure of your relationship to ensure both are still strong and solid. And lastly, don’t neglect a relationship tune or vacation which can keep things running smoothly and efficiently!”

Tip of the Month – Jun ’11

“When is the last time you looked deeply into the eyes of your husband or wife? Make time to sit quietly in close proximity facing one another. Hold hands, and gaze into each other’s eyes for a few moments. Broaden your perspective to take in more and more of your partners face. Notice any small changes that have occurred and how much your love each one. Times of appreciation such as these help us stay in love and enable us to fall in love with them over and over again.”

Tip of the Month – May ’11

“Resist temptations! Be mindful of the situations and life circumstances you place yourself in. Make certain you aren’t placing yourself in a temptation laden environment. If you’re attempting to shed a few pounds by monitoring your diet, the bakery isn’t the best place to buy your morning paper! Likewise, clubs, bars, and other venues frequented by potentially willing and available partners may not be the best locale for you to visit without your spouse.”

Tip of the Month – Apr. ’11

“Don’t waste time holding a grudge against your husband or wife. Attempt to forgive, reestablish trust, show love, understanding, and compassion. You will never be able to recapture the time lost spent holding the grudge! It’s gone forever! Time will continue to move on so it’s up to you how you choose to spend it. Angry and holding a grudge, or happy and in love. The choice is totally up to you.”

Tip of the Month – Mar ’11

“As you go through your day make a conscious effort to think positively about your spouse. Jot down your thoughts as they occur to you. At the end of the day, prior to turning in for the night, share the thoughts you have written down with your spouse. Let your other half know how you feel. Tell them how they increase the quality of your life. Feeling wanted feels so much better than the feeling of being needed!”

Tip of the Month – Feb ’11

“It is Valentine month. Carry your spouse with you in your heart when you are away from each other. Maintain a list of your spouse’s positive attributes and refer to it often.  This list is very helpful to have during trying times of testing in your relationship.  We will all have times when we require encouragement or reminders of how our lives are made better by our spouse’s presence.”

Tip of the Month – Jan ’11

“A ‘Ladies first.’ How many gentleman learned this rule as young-men, and have uttered those words? Being willing to place the wants, needs, and desires of your spouse ahead of your own is a good indicator of someone with a sacrificial spirit. Elevating the importance of your spouse’s needs above your own, and holding them in high regard is not only bonding, but provides a feeling of comfort, and security in your relationship. Be willing to sacrifice and say “you first” to your spouse.”

Tip of the Month – Dec ’10

“Are you in love, or are you committed? Many confuse wavering commitment with falling out of love. The heart of commitment is the experience of belonging to another person. Not as a possession, but as a gift to each other. Love and commitment are very similar concepts with significant overlap. When you say you love someone, to the same degree you will be expected to be committed to them. So, again the question is… are you in love or are you committed?”

Tip of the Month – Nov ’10

“How agreeable would you be to miss your favorite television program to sit and talk with your spouse? The need of staying connected in your relationship should outweigh any form of entertainment. Make sure you’re not allowing television and other sources of entertainment to get in the way of maintaining a solid connection with the person whom you plan on spending the rest of your life with.”

Tip of the Month – Oct ’10

“The leaves on the tress have begun to change colors.  These same trees will soon undergo further transformation and begin to shed their leaves.  Allow the changes taking place in environment around you to prompt conversation between you and your spouse about any changes the two of you have undergone, or anticipate in the future.  Change can be difficult, and discussing it can often ease transition.”

Tip of the Month – Sept ’10

“Rush, rush, get the kids ready to go back to school, complete those last minute summer projects, go on that final camping trip/vacation, and collapse into oblivion. “Oh, yeah my marriage”…Be sure to connect with your partner on a daily basis amidst the chaos of everyday life, even if for a few minutes.”

Tip of the Month – Aug ’10

“As the heat of the summer often rises during August, so can emotions within our marriages. So…as you and your partner cool down with a glass of ice tea, beside a pool, or in your air conditioned home….cool those emotions with calming kind words of affirmation to one another. I promise you both will “feel” a fresh breeze within your relationship.”

Tip of the Month – July ’10

“Take a moment to look at your wedding rings with your spouse; and talk about what the rings mean to each of you personally in a positive manner. Reaffirm your love for one another through this experience.”

Tip of the Month – June ’10

“Spend some time really listening to your spouse, not just with your hearts, but with your eyes, your heart, and your body language. It is when we feel truly heard by someone, that we often feel truly loved by that person.”

Tip of the Month – May ’10

“As spring awakes new life all around us, awaken a new beginning in your marriage. Forgive past hurts, apologize even if you were not wrong and move towards a new life with your spouse. Apologizing and forgiving frees us to do just that: move towards a new life.”

Tip of the Month – Apr. ’10

“Every time it rains this month, let that be a reminder of the nourishment the rain provides the earth; and to think about ways you can nourish your marriage. Say a kind word to your spouse, hold hands with your spouse,do something you used to enjoy when you were dating, but “nourish your marriage”, if you indeed want it to “grow”"

Tip of the Month – Mar. ’10

“Want to forgive your spouse/partner but just can’t seem to do it? Be challenged to have empathy toward them. The definition of empathy is “your pain in my heart”; so, feel your spouse/partner’s pain in your heart. Try it, it works.”

Tip of the Month – Feb. ’10

“Looking for connection in your relationship; then make sure to carve out time for you and your partner on a regular basis. Schedule a date on your calendar, just like you do doctor visits, parties,social engagements, children’s sports, and your job.”

Tip of the Month – Jan. ’10

“Instead of seeing who can talk the loudest in any relationship, try to talk softer and kinder with your partner. Remember the old saying that you can “catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”. Your words can either be as sweet as honey or as sour as vinegar. You choose.”>

Tip of the Month – Dec. ’09

“Be sure to verbalize your needs to your spouse, instead of expecting him or her to ‘read your mind’. If you would like your husband to bring you flowers, then just ask him to do so. If you want your wife to watch a ball game with you, then just ask her to do so. No one is a mindreader!”