A large body of research overwhelmingly suggests children do best when they have both a mother and a father involved in their lives. Specifically, children whose fathers participate in raising them do better in school, are less likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to be better parents themselves. While more fathers are being awarded legal custody of their children, the statistics seem to indicate that the majority (between 75 and 85 percent) are awarded to mothers. Today, nearly 20 million children live in a home without a father (2002 U.S. Bureau of the Census). Recent Census Bureau child-custody statistics indicate that nearly 40% of non-custodial fathers have no access or visitation rights whatsoever with their children.  A very troubling statistic, indeed! Of those that do have visitation rights, what percentage are actually seeing their children regularly? The statistics in the studies vary greatly. But it seems clear that frequently the amount of contact the children have with their fathers diminishes over time.  A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family finds that children born outside of marriage are less likely to be visited by their father when the mother is involved in a new romantic relationship. It also finds that the mother’s social decisions typically have a direct affect on the contact between a father and his child. However, like most studies which I have read, it concludes that non-residential fathers SHOULD continue visitation despite the inherent complications when mother starts dating as it is in the long term best interests of the child.

A review of the research that I have seen also makes it clear that children, especially daughters, benefit considerably when the parent they are not living with nevertheless does everyday things with the child, from shopping, reading, visiting, doing homework, watching TV together, to spending holidays together.  For a school-age daughter, doing everyday-type things together with the parent she is not living with is the strongest predictor of psychological well-being.

Don’t Let Geographical Distance Deter You!

Perseverance may no doubt be required, but Dads need to press on to be as involved as much as they can with their children. I recently concluded representation of a father who has fought in a rural Ohio juvenile court for the last 4 years to expand his parenting time and to ultimately obtain an order of Shared Parenting for his 5-year-old daughter, despite his living in North Carolina. His perseverance was incredible as were the efforts of a dedicated Guardian ad Litem who flew two times to father’s home in North Carolina to evaluate firsthand their strong and developing father-daughter bond. This wise father had allowed his relationship with his daughter to grow naturally and gradually over the years. As much as he wanted her with him, he elected not to force any extended out-of-state visitation beyond his daughter’s comfort zone. What has occurred is that his daughter wants to spend as much time with him as possible. This child will have a much better chance to grow to become a very healthy adult because of Dad’s efforts despite a very contentious court battle. The child will be attending school in Ohio, but father has court-ordered parenting time both in Ohio and North Carolina as well as utilizing virtual visitation online to supplement his "in-person" contact. Dad continues to read books to her at night online with the use of a web camera.

I would like to share a quote by George Bernard Shaw which seems apropos:

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them."

If that one doesn’t work for you, here is one that I am sure my client would especially enjoy since it is from one of his heroes, Erin Brokovich:

"Take It From Me: Life’s a Struggle but You Can Win.”

Think outside the box. In this day and age, staying connected with a child is possible regardless of geographical distances, acrimonious litigation, work schedules or other obstacles. An excellent resource for helping parents dealing with these issues is the Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interests of children involved in custody and divorce proceedings. Click here to go to SPARC’s website. Also, you might be interested in reading my prior articles about Virtual Visitation. Click here to read the first about Utilizing Technology to Supplement Parenting Time. Click here to read the second about The Legal aspects of Virtual Visitation.

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As we are now into the month of November, it is not too early for divorced and divorcing parents to look ahead to the upcoming Christmas Holiday.  Here are some “tips” regarding the “nuts and bolts” of handling the Christmas holiday season.

1. Read and examine the Parenting Time Schedule for your particular County which should be attached as part of your Final Decree or Court Judgment.  The Domestic Relations Court and Juvenile Court of each County have differing schedules. If your parenting time schedule has been lost or misplaced, you can obtain a replacement from your attorney’s office or the clerk where your order was filed.

   For example, Montgomery County, Ohio, has the following provision as to the Christmas Break:

   In all even-numbered years, the Mother shall have the children from 9:00 a.m. the day after school recesses (or 9:00 a.m. on December 20 if the children are not in school), until 9:00 p.m. December 24, and the Father shall have the children from 9:00 p.m. December 24 through 6:00 p.m. January 1.  In odd-numbered years, the reverse shall apply.

   And, Greene County, Ohio, has the following provision as to Christmas Break:

   In all even-numbered years, the Mother shall have the children from 9:00 a.m. the day after school recesses until 12:00 noon December 26, and the Father shall have the children from 12:00 noon December 26 through 6:00 p.m. the day before school resumes.  In all odd-numbered years, the reverse schedule shall apply.

2. Plan your Christmas Schedule with family members according to the Parenting Time Schedule that is in place for you.  For example, if you are to have the children from December 20 to December 24 (Montgomery County, Ohio),  do not invite your parents or extended family members to your home to celebrate Christmas with you and the children on December 25 and expect your former spouse or estranged spouse to agree to your request to have the children on Christmas Day.
3. Remember that children truly are resilient!  Christmas Eve does not have to be celebrated on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day does not have to be celebrated on December 25 of each year.  You and your children are free to celebrate the holiday when you have the children in your care and custody…..it is “okay”  to celebrate the holiday early, and it is entirely acceptable to celebrate the holiday “after” the holiday.  You merely say to the children and the relatives…..this is Father’s year to have the children for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so I am inviting you to celebrate the Christmas holiday on December 26 or even December 27.
4. If you have extended family members that absolutely can not comply with your Parenting Time Schedule for a given year, reach out to the ex-spouse or the estranged spouse to see if he or she would be willing to trade visitation time so that the children do not miss visitation with grandparents and/or extended family.Example: Due to my parents’ work schedules, they can not arrive in Dayton before December 26. You are scheduled to have the children from December 26^th through the first of the year.  Would you be willing to have visitation with the children for this year from December 20 through December 25 so that my parents could have time with the children the latter part of the Christmas holiday period.
5. Treat your former spouse and/or your estranged spouse with respect and kindness (if at all possible!).  You are much more likely to obtain compromise and flexibility in parenting time schedules if you are open and willing to compromise and adapt to change.
6. Assume that your children are your first priority and that their happiness and well-being is of paramount importance.  This may remove the battle over whether Wife “wins” or whether Husband “wins” in visitation matters.
7. If you anticipate there is going to be a “problem” with parenting time this year,   there is little time to wait to file a motion with the Court to seek its intervention. Such a motion would need to be filed immediately to try to secure a hearing date before the holiday.

In my opinion, there are really no “winners” in divorce proceedings…..a family unit has been lost!  In the best of situations, the parents of the children of divorce will cooperate with one another to achieve a workable parenting time schedule to meet the needs of the minor children of the parties.

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For many parents contemplating a divorce or dissolution of their marriage, a primary concern is which parent shall have “custody” of the child or children of the marriage.  I shall begin the article by addressing the differences between the two parenting systems in Ohio – “sole custody” and “shared parenting”.

1. The parents have different names or titles:  In a situation where one parent has “sole custody” of the child/children, that parent is designated as the “residential parent and legal custodian” and the other parent is designated as the “non-residential parent” or the “non-custodial parent”.  In a shared parenting situation both parents have the same title. They are both designated as the “residential parent and legal custodian” of the child or children.  For school district reasons of residency and tuition, one parent’s residence is typically designated as the residence of the child for school district purposes.  The parent whose residence is the residence of the child for school district purposes may have a slight advantage over the other party as he or she has the ability to change residences with the child changing school districts accordingly.  For example, in a “shared parenting” arrangement wherein Mother’s residence is the residence of the child for school district purposes, if Mother chooses to move from Beavercreek, Ohio, to Centerville, Ohio, the child’s school district changes from Beavercreek to Centerville without a need to return to Court.  Unless, of course, the Father believes the change in school districts is not in the “best interests” of the child or children.
2. The parents have different parenting time schedules, also known as visitation schedules:  In a situation wherein one parent has “sole custody” of the child or children, the parent who is the “non-residential” or “non-custodial” parent generally has visitation with the child or children on alternate weekends from Friday at 6:00 p.m. until 6:00 p.m. on Sunday.  Some parents agree that the “non-custodial” parent shall also have overnight visitation on his/her alternate Sundays.  The “non-custodial” parent is also granted visitation on one or two weekdays per week for a three (3) hour period of time usually from 5:00 p.m until 8:00 p.m. that same evening.  Clearly, the parent who has “sole custody” of the minor child or children has much more time to spend with the child/children of the marriage than the “non-residential” parent.  In “shared parenting” arrangements, some parents seek to spend approximately equal time with the child or children of the marriage.  This can be arranged by the child or children moving from one parent’s residence to the other parent’s residence each week (usually on a Saturday or Sunday evening).  Other parents continue with alternating weekends but having one parent with overnight visitation on three to four nights one week and for two to three nights the following week resulting in each parent having the same number of overnights each month.
3. The parents have different child-support obligations:  Again, in a situation wherein one parent has “sole custody” of the child(ren), the other parent is designated as the Obligor for child-support purposes. He or she is ordered to pay child support to the “custodial parent” for the benefit of the minor child of the parties pursuant to the Child Support Guidelines adopted by the State of Ohio, or as they may agree.   It is my experience in this field that the Obligors, usually Fathers, firmly believe that the child-support obligations are too high and that the Obligees, usually Mothers, firmly believe that the child-support obligations are too low.  In situations wherein the parties have “shared parenting” of the minor child(ren), there is a provision in the Child Support Calculation Worksheet for the Obligor’s child-support obligation to be deviated downward depending upon the time the Obligor spends with the child. Accordingly, if Father is the Obligor in a “shared parenting” situation and if he has parenting time with the child or children for 50% of the available parenting time per month, more than likely, he would be entitled to a decrease in his child-support obligation.
4. The parents have different decision-making considerations:   In a situation wherein one parent has “sole custody” of the minor child or children of the parties, that parent has a major role in decision making.  He or she can make the following decisions:

In a “shared parenting” situation, the parents should discuss and make mutual decisions regarding the foregoing issues as well as other important decisions which are in the best interest of the children.

Ideally, “shared parenting” certainly works best with parents who respect one another, communicate well, and who both wish to operate under a “shared parenting” arrangement.  But not all Ohio Courts take such a narrow view. Some will order “shared parenting” believing it is still in the best interests of the kids even if the parents’ communications are fractured and one party opposes it! It is important to know the Judge’s philosophy on this issue.

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It is newsworthy that the State of Ohio has taken major “hits” in the job loss category and that our unemployment rate approaches 10%.  Recently, General Motors, aka Delphi, has closed most plants in Dayton causing a massive loss of jobs in the manufacturing sector.  Then, National Cash Register (NCR) announced the company was moving its headquarters and nearly fifteen hundred (1500) jobs to a suburb of Atlanta, Georgia.  The Dayton Daily News has reported that eleven (11) policemen are slated to “lose their jobs” due to budgetary constraints.  Also, businesses associated with supplying the auto industry with parts and services are feeling a financial “crunch” as their major or primary customer was General Motors, aka Delphi.

So, what is a parent (Father or Mother) to do when facing or experiencing a loss of employment?

Scenario #1:   Father is the Obligor (parent paying child support to the Mother/Obligee). He was employed by National Cash Register (NCR).  He does not want to move to the suburb of Atlanta, Georgia, wherein the new company headquarters shall be located.  He does not want to leave the Dayton community as he wants to remain in contact with his children and he has an “upside down” home (which means that he owes more money on the home’s mortgage than the home is presently worth).  So, he decides to remain here and seek alternative employment.  He has three children and his present child support obligation is $300.00 per month per child for a monthly total of $900.00.

Upon learning of his loss of employment, Father needs to file for unemployment compensation and notify the Child Support Agency of his job loss.  Further, Father should seek assistance from counsel in filing an immediate Motion to Decrease Child Support based upon a substantial change in circumstances (his loss of employment).  If he chooses to do nothing, the Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA) can be likened to a “running” taxi cab meter.  His support obligation will continue to accrue at the rate of $900.00 per month until it is reduced by a Court Order.  The Court can not retroactively reduce an accrued arrearage without the consent of the Obligee.  The Court can start the new lower amount from the date the Motion for the support reduction is filed.  Bottom line – file the Motion as soon as the job is lost.

Scenario #2:  Father is the Obligor (parent paying child support to the Mother/Obligee). He receives notice that his position of employment is going to be terminated within three months or ninety (90) days.  He also has a child support obligation of $300.00 per month per child for three children for a total monthly obligation of $900.00.

With the knowledge that his position of employment is going to be terminated or eliminated in the near future, Father has some advance notice that financial circumstances are about to change abruptly.  The Obligor, with the information that his employment position is about to be eliminated, has the opportunity to file a Motion to Decrease Child Support and to obtain a hearing before the job loss has occurred.  This action provides notice to the Court and to the Obligee that financial circumstances are about to change and that child support obligations must be revised or amended accordingly.  Again, as in Scenario #1, the Obligor’s inaction will only create bigger problems such as having to pay an arrearage which has accumulated and a possible contempt action for failure to pay support and even the loss of driving privileges and/or jail time.

Scenario #3:   Father is the Obligor and he loses his job, and as a result, is behind on his support.  Mother says that he cannot have any parenting time with his children until he is current on his support.

Support and parenting time are not dependent obligations under Ohio Law.  What this means is that Mother can not deny parenting time based upon non-payment of child support.  If she does, she could be held in contempt for the improper denial of parenting time.

The loss of employment can be a depressing and demoralizing event for anyone.  The Court is generally sympathetic to the request for a reduction of the Obligor’s child support obligation due to the loss of employment UNLESS the Obligor engaged in some sort of conduct causing the loss of employment.  In those instances, the Court has the authority to “impute” income to the Obligor even if he or she has no income due to the actions or behaviors leading to the loss of employment.  The loss of a job, like other changes in circumstances of the parties, can have a dramatic effect on child support and/or spousal support.  Contact an experienced family law attorney as soon as possible to discuss the specific implications when such an event occurs.

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The third Sunday of June has become known as Father’s Day just as the second Sunday of May has become known as Mother’s Day. On that “special” day in June, Fathers in the United States are feted with cards, gifts (often ties and wallets), meals especially prepared for them or “dinner out” at their favorite restaurants, as well other special treats such as the preparation of a favorite dish or dessert prepared at home.

From my readings at various websites, the origin of Father’s Day is not entirely clear.  Some say it began with a church service to honor Fathers in Fairmont, West Virginia, on July 5, 1908.  Others believe that Ms. Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, came up with the idea or plan to honor Fathers in 1909 while she listened to an earlier church service wherein Mothers were honored and praised.  Ms. Dodd’s Father, a veteran of the Civil War and a “single parent”, had successfully raised six (6) children following the premature death of his Wife.

Although the movement to honor Fathers began over one hundred (100) years ago, it took many years for this country to make this occasion an official holiday.  While citizens supported the concept of Mother’s Day with pride and enthusiasm, the idea of Father’s Day was at first met with laughter and satire. While President Woodrow Wilson “approved” the concept of an annual Father’s Day in 1916, it was not until 1924 when President Calvin Coolidge declared the day to be a national event.  Thereafter, Father’s Day was celebrated but was not made a federal holiday until 1966 when President Lyndon B. Johnson issued a proclamation declaring it to be so.  Later, in 1972, President Richard Nixon established Father’s Day as a permanent holiday to be celebrated on the third Sunday of June of each year.

The allocation of parenting time for Father’s Day is treated somewhat differently by each individual Domestic Relations Court throughout the state.  It is important to note that even though all Domestic Relations Courts are governed by the same statutes or laws (Ohio Revised Code: Title 31), each County may devise its own Local Rules including a Standard Order of Parenting Time.

To illustrate, if the Family Court of Montgomery County has jurisdiction of your case and the Standard Order of Parenting time has been ordered, the Father is entitled to parenting time on Father’s Day, no matter the parenting time schedule for said weekend, from 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Fathers receive more time if parenting time is pursuant to the Standard Order of the Family Court of Greene County, Ohio.  There the Father is entitled to have parenting time from Saturday at 6:00 p.m. until Sunday at 6:00 p.m.

In Miami County, the Standard Order of Parenting Time Schedule states: “Father’s Day shall always be spent with the Father, regardless of which parent is entitled to the weekend.  If the parties cannot agree on times, the time shall be from 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. that evening.”  The Standard Parenting Schedule of Warren County, Ohio, provides for Father to have parenting time with the minor child or children from 9:00 a.m. until 7:00 p.m.

The Domestic Relations Court of Clark County, Ohio, has a one-page Standard Order of Visitation and neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day is addressed.  Nonetheless, I was advised by a spokesperson of the Court that the Magistrates will often address Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in the Entries and Orders they prepare.  Finally, the Preble County Domestic Relations Court Guidelines for Parenting Time of Non-Residential Parents do address Father’s Day as follows: On Father’s Day, no matter whose turn for visitation, the child(ren) shall be with Father from 1:00 p.m. until 8:00 p.m.

Whatever the exact schedule for Father’s Day, our law firm would strongly recommend that both parents urge and encourage parenting time between the child(ren) and Mother on Mother’s Day and between the child(ren) and Father on Father’s Day as it is so vitally important for children to spend time with each parent on his/her “special” holiday!

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In the first of a two part series, Attorney Robert Mues examines Virtual Visitation and the different options a divorced parent can use to communicate with their children. Part 1 – Utilizing Technology to Supplement Parenting Time.

Not too long ago, divorced parents had limited communication options to stay in touch with their children.  The old rushed and often dry “phone call approach” was better than nothing but had drawbacks.  There were long distance phone charges and issues with time zones.  New communication options have improved considerably! It is much easier for you to keep in touch with your children after a divorce.  Most of these approaches require both parents to have a computer with broadband connections.  Here are some options to supplement traditional face to face parenting time:

Cell Phones: Many companies are selling cell phones designed specifically for kids which feature built in parental controls to restrict incoming and outgoing calls or text messages.  Check out firefly mobile (www.firefly.com), LG Migo from Verizon Wireless and Kajeet (), which also includes a GPS phone locator service allowing a parent to find out where the phone is at various times of the day.

Email: Email features have expanded so it’s easy to share photos and videos by incorporating a digital camera.  A scanner can be a great addition for a parent or older child to transmit copies of homework assignments, report cards and other written items.  Perhaps scan a copy of a child’s recent art project.

Webcam: Webcams have dropped dramatically in price.  Skype, Google, Yahoo and AOL all have made it easy to talk with your child and see him or her on the computer screen at the same time.  Creative parents have used a webcam to record themselves while reading a book or singing happy birthday. 

Instant Messaging (IM): Many kids are on the computer a lot. Instant messaging is similar to email but it is in real time.  Google, MSN, AOL, Yahoo and others have IM services.  Instant messaging makes it easy to communicate with a child by typing a message and immediately getting a response.  Be ready to learn some “shorthand” slang and acronyms that kids use to communicate these days such as LOL (laugh out loud), BTW (by the way), and TTYL (talk to you later).

etendi BRIDGE: Last month etendi.com launched BRIDGE (www.etendi.com) an easy to use, interactive, safe and secure web-based meeting place.  It has been specifically developed for non-custodial parents or co-parenting situations, grandparents, military families, or the heavy business traveler.  BRIDGE allows family members to stay connected by providing a single place for them to be together online.  Features include live video phone calling, shared spaces for photos, videos and documents, personal notes, an interactive white board, and a shared calendar.  Parents, kids and other family members can be online at the same time and have a video phone call, play games or work on homework together.

BRIDGE has combined the web-based tools that parents and kids enjoy into a simple subscription based system which eliminates external, undesirable content or SPAM reaching the kids.  To learn more about BRIDGE, click here.

These “virtual visitation” tools are not suggested as a replacement to in-person contact but rather, as a supplement. The more options a parent can implement to stay in touch with a child, the stronger the bond between the two should grow. Long-distance parents should think “outside the box” and be creative in integrating virtual visitation tools to stay in close communication with their children. An excellent online resource to learn more about this topic is The Virtual Visitation Portal (www.internetvisitation.org), whose mission includes helping educate and providing free information on how virtual visitation can help both parents who are separated or divorced stay in touch with their children.

Next week, I will address some of the legal aspects associated with virtual visitation issues.

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