This represents the third collaboration between Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, and myself. We both had remarked to the other about the important role that the therapist and attorney play in a divorce proceeding. Donna suggested that we both write about our perceptions on that subject. Instead of each of us writing about the merits of our own profession, we switched roles. I wrote about the importance of therapy during a divorce and Donna addressed considerations for picking a good divorce attorney. We hope this perspective provides the reader with additional information and insight regarding the need for professional support during this challenging and life-changing experience. Be sure to spend time exploring the excellent articles she has written. Her insights are terrific!  Donna, as in the past, the collaboration was a lot of fun!

Here is her article:

Most women take more time picking out a winter coat than a divorce attorney. You wouldn’t think to buy the first coat you try on and yet many hire the first lawyer they meet with!  Given that divorce costs are more in line with a new car than a winter coat, it is in your best interest to make sure the lawyer you pick to represent you is the one that will best serve your needs.

If you have decided to move forward with a divorce, the single most important aspect of the entire process is picking the right lawyer (this assumes you already have a therapist!). You may think that because you don’t have children or huge assets or because the decision is mutual that a good lawyer isn’t necessary, well, think again. Divorce is an emotional process that varies in intensity from couple to couple, but it is also the dissolution of a legal agreement. Without the right legal counsel you may find that you are dealing with legal and emotional entanglements for years to come.

Some women tell me that they don’t want to hire a “good” lawyer because it will only make their husbands angrier. Others say they need to hire a real tough SOB to fight because their husbands are so difficult to deal with. This attitude is problematic because these women are picking lawyers based on their spouse’s personality and not on their own needs! Ironically, so many women tell me they are tired of thinking of their spouse first-tending to HIS needs and wants and ignoring their own desire and instincts. But here they go again-doing the same thing! It is imperative  that you pick a lawyer based on your own needs and personality, because if you hire a “nice” lawyer you may find you lack adequate representation and if you pick that SOB, you may find that aggressiveness is part of the lawyer’s personality and results in your feeling intimidated and unsupported.

Unfortunately some of my clients need to spend a good deal of time in their sessions talking about how to deal with their attorneys! By choosing the wrong lawyer to represent them, they suddenly are in the predicament of feeling they have two adversaries instead of one!

Here are ten things I learned from my clients to keep in mind when picking the best attorney for you:

1. Just because your friend had a good experience with an attorney doesn’t mean they are the right one for you. Trust your gut.
2. Pick a specialist.  While they may be more expensive per hour, they have more experience and in the long run will be both cost and time effective.
3. Aggression doesn’t insure a “win.”  An overly aggressive attorney may fan the flames of conflict rather than move toward resolution.
4. Pick an attorney who understands this isn’t about “winning.”  She/He should understand divorce is about a major change in the family and that more than the “bottom line” will be affected. A good family attorney is willing, when necessary to work with your therapist. He/she is focused on the family’s post divorce situation and understands the interconnectedness of the family does not end with the dissolution of the marriage. In short, they can see the “big picture.”
5. A consultation is like a first date, what you see is probably what you get. Don’t pick someone who minimizes your concerns, is sarcastic or dismissive. Don’t ignore your own radar by dismissing his/her behavior in favor of excellent credentials.
6. Don’t use your attorney as a therapist. And don’t use your therapy time to talk about legal issues. Efficient utilization of your professionals will keep costs down, provide you with better information and effective support.
7. Don’t withhold information from your attorney because you are embarrassed. They aren’t there to judge you, but if you don’t give them the information they need, you cut down on their ability to effectively represent you. Don’t assume drinking, abuse or affairs are not relevant even if you live in a “no fault” state. Underreporting or minimizing can result in your not getting the best settlement. ALWAYS tell your attorney if there are weapons in your home.
8. Try to stick with the facts. The emotions get processed with your therapist.
9. Talk frankly about costs up front and what you will be charged for. Some women are shocked when they are billed for phone calls, e-mails, etc., as they have come to rely so strongly on their lawyer that they mistake this working relationship for friendship.
10. Finally, be clear the court is not going to reward you for pain and suffering. Settlements aren’t based on how betrayed or rejected you feel.  Keeping an objective attitude regarding the legal system can play a big part in keeping your expectations realistic.

My reciprocal article, “A Good Divorce Therapist is Critical to Your Emotional Health!”, appeared on my blog on January 30, 2011. Click here to access it.

©2011. Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, is a licensed psychotherapist in Connecticut. Her newest book is available at bookstores everywhere, Amazon.com or at www.profileactics.com. Her first book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce, won an Honorable Mention Award by the Independent Publishers Association. To read more about the author and her work, please visit www.donnaferber.com.

Obtaining a divorce or dissolution is a process which often needs to be broken down into stages. Once you have reached the stage when you know that the marriage is “over”, you will need to then start the process of finding a divorce lawyer. Don’t overlook the importance of this step! There are a lot of divorce lawyers out there and finding the “right” one for you can be critically important. To read our suggestions about that subject click here to read the first part of our article about how to select a divorce lawyer and click here to read the conclusion of that article.

It is always a good idea to interview several lawyers. So, once you have the appointment scheduled, what should you consider bringing? Being prepared for that initial conference is important. Recognize that you may be nervous or emotional, so having a list of all your assets, liabilities and questions is a must.

Depending upon your issues and the facts of your case, here is a list of items to consider bringing to that initial meeting:

• Prenuptial Agreement – a copy of yours if you signed one;
• Pay Stubs – try to bring at least the last 3 pay stubs for both you and your spouse (besides income, these will also show any bonuses or commissions, employment expense compensation, retirement deductions, and health benefits);
• Tax Returns - include W-2s, 1099s and other documentation of income for both you and your spouse for the past 3 years (besides showing how much you and your spouse have each earned, tax returns can show us investment accounts, pension plans, and income property);
• Credit Card Statements - copies of  your most recent statement for all credit card accounts;
• Personal Debts/Loans – copies of any other debts, notes, or loans signed by you or your spouse to anyone, including family members;
• Recent Bank Statements – for the checking and savings accounts of both spouses (these provide information on loans, direct deposits and current balances);
• Vehicle Information – copies of titles, registrations and any loans (we will also need this info for any autos, motorcycles, boats, RVs, or motor homes you may own);
• Stock Certificates, Bonds or Other Investments – copies of any documents or a recent statement which you or your spouse may have indicating ownership;
• Real Estate Documentation – any deeds or mortgage statements with the approximate pay-off for property currently owned by either you and your spouse;
• IRA, 401(k), or other Retirement and/or Pension Plans – recent statements for both you and your spouse;
• Social Security Earnings Report - copies of both spouses’ reports showing their earnings history;
• Pending Lawsuits, Foreclosures, Bankruptcy, Judgments and Garnishments - copies of documentation for any of the above;
• Inventory List, Video or Photographs – of your home, contents, furniture, or any valuable collections;
• Previous Marriage Info – details of any previous marriages (date and location of marriage, date and location/case number of previous divorce);
• Outline of Your Priorities - a list of your priorities or goals in the divorce or dissolution proceeding.

Obtaining this type of information sometimes takes a bit of sleuthing, but it is often easier to locate these items before your spouse knows that a divorce or dissolution is being sought.  Also, locating and organizing this information on the front end can speed up the entire process, save a lot of time and money, and afford your attorney a better opportunity to evaluate your case.

Attorney John C. Meehling is a Family Law Attorney from Dayton, Ohio, and contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog. Attorney Meehling recently joined the Dayton law firm of Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues on November. 1, 2010. To learn more about John Meehling, please click here, or view his intorductory video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2fNnI3SFYg

Gordon Gibb recently wrote an excellent article for lawyersandsettlements.com about the importance of hiring an experienced divorce lawyer. He lasers in on the topic with his opening sentences. “If there ever was a more important role for lawyers and litigation professionals, it is in family law. Corporate law, environmental law, even real estate law has nuthin’ on the complexities and the drama that explodes from divorce petitions, custody battles-even who gets to keep the family dog”. He concludes with “Experts suggest that if your relationship looks as though it is coming apart and you’re considering divorce, the best couple of hundred bucks you’ll ever spend is by sitting down with a reputable family law firm for a consultation. In an hour, the family attorneys can give you a pretty good idea of what you might be in for, what the dynamic, the payout and the cost, the likely custody arrangement, and in a nutshell what kind of life you’re going to have at the end of it all. It may not be pretty, and after hearing the hard facts you might think twice about dissolving your relationship, and try to patch it up instead.”

If unfortunately you find you marriage “on the rocks”, be proactive and talk to a qualified and experienced family law attorney at the outset. Don’t simply rely on advice from friends who have gone through a divorce. Divorce cases are very fact sensitive and outcomes vary dramatically based on subtle nuances. Nuances that only a qualified family law attorney can flesh out and properly assess.

Click here to read Mr. Gibb’s entire article.

In Part 2 of “How to Select a Divorce Lawyer” attorney Robert Mues continues his key considerations in selecting the “right” divorce lawyer:

The “Hot Potato Shuffle”

Some family law firms shuffle clients between lawyers in the firm like they are “hot potatoes.” Clarify at the start of the representation the firm’s policy on the subject. While this type of treatment may work on a personal injury, criminal or insurance defense matter, it rarely results in high client satisfaction at the conclusion of a divorce case.

Guaranteed Results

The objective in hiring your divorce lawyer should be to find excellent representation not specific results. Be leery of any attorney who makes broad guarantees at an initial conference. There are many shades of gray in family law litigation. The ultimate results in any divorce case are impacted by the facts and oftentimes which judge is assigned the case. Therefore, it is usually premature to make definitive representations at an initial conference. Watch out for the “bait and switch” tactics!

How Much Will the Divorce Cost?

This is one of the toughest questions a family law attorney is ever asked! The unknown variables make it truly impossible to predict with any true certainty how many hours will be invested into a case. Many factors impacting costs are not within the lawyer’s control. How efficiently will the discovery process go? How reasonable will the opposing party and counsel be? Will trivial matters be hotly contested? Which judge will be assigned to the case? Will the trial date be delayed multiple times even over objection? Will additional costs for experts, psychological evaluations or appraisals be necessary? Despite these unknowns, an experienced family law lawyer should be able to give you a cost range and set forth the conditions affecting the final figure. While even the most experienced family law lawyer is not clairvoyant and won’t be able to guarantee final costs, your conversation on the subject should be able to help you analyze the cost range and evaluate the lawyer’s candor.

Fees

Always discuss in advance how fees are calculated. Is there an initial consultation fee? Some lawyers provide an initial conference for free. Most experienced divorce attorneys charge an initial conference fee ranging from $100 to $200 or may charge their normal hourly rate. You should not let an initial conference fee deter you from considering the lawyer who charges one. Charging a discounted initial conference fee helps busy experienced family law lawyers eliminate people who are not serious or do not have the financial ability to ultimately retain the attorney. Also, you will typically obtain a longer and more detailed conference if you pay for it.

Attorneys’ hourly rates typically range from $150 to $300 per hour. A lower hourly rate doesn’t mean the cheapest or best selection. Many times the attorney with a higher hourly rate will complete the representation at a lower total fee because of the lawyer’s experience and competence in dealing with like cases. Most family law lawyers do not handle divorce work on a fixed fee basis. This is due to the many unknown variables in divorce cases such as whether items which may seem clear cut will ultimately be contested, who the opposing party hires as his/her counsel, asset valuation factors and the direction the case may take because of unreasonable demands or the emotions involved.

Most lawyers will require a substantial retainer (deposit) to be paid up front by the client before they will undertake an individual’s representation in a divorce. Be sure to find out the amount of the retainer, hourly rate(s) and whether the unused portion of the retainer is refundable. How often will you receive statements and in what detail are they itemized? The Ohio Code of Professional Responsibility strongly encourages lawyers to set forth the retention agreement in writing so as to avoid potential confusion. Read the fee agreement carefully and if any parts are unclear, be sure to ask questions.

Summary

Spend time and exercise due diligence in selecting your divorce lawyer. Interview several. You need to find the “right” attorney for you. You should feel that the lawyer is experienced, empathetic, has an adequate support staff, and is a good communicator. The trust and comfort level between both of you is fundamental to a successful representation. Make sure you are totally confident in the selection because your life is too important to entrust it to any lawyer. Divorce lawyers vary greatly in style, philosophy and ability. Realize that changing your lawyer midstream is costly, can damage your case and be emotionally traumatic.

Feel free to explore our firm’s website to learn more about us. Click here. If we can answer any questions or assist you with your family law needs, click here (email).

Selecting the right attorney for a divorce is an extremely important and personal decision. Take the time to properly pick your attorney. The outcome of your family law case will impact your future dramatically!

The following are some key considerations in selecting the “right” divorce lawyer:

Experience

Most attorneys these days have narrowed their practice to one or a few areas of the law. Divorce law is a very specialized field. It is important to find a lawyer that concentrates his or her practice in the particular area of law that you need – whether it’s divorce, child custody, domestic violence or another family law category. An experienced divorce lawyer will understand the philosophies and tendencies of the judges in the various jurisdictions. That knowledge is extremely valuable and should be used to your benefit.

Past Client References

An extremely valuable manner to gain insight about a particular attorney is to find out what former clients say about the lawyer. Ask family, friends, church members or co-workers if they know of a good family law attorney. Also, most lawyers can give you references of former clients who have agreed to serve as a reference for the lawyer.

Professionalism, Reputation and Integrity

Some people facing a divorce initially think that hiring a “shark” type lawyer who will “fight dirty” is best. Ethics, professionalism and integrity are important. Consider this, if an attorney is willing to be unethical in some situations, what makes you sure that the attorney will deal honestly with you? Has the lawyer adopted the American Bar Association Civility Standards for Family Law Practitioners? Click here to see the ABA Civility Standards. An excellent way to check out your attorney’s professional integrity is to check his/her Martindale-Hubbell rating as to both ethics and legal ability. Martindale-Hubbell ratings are a well-respected source based upon confidential ratings by an attorney’s peers. To research your prospective attorney’s ratings, click here. Reputation can be a tricky subject. Be cautious about “high profile” lawyers. Many have reputations cultivated through specializing in criminal law, not family law matters.

Lawyer’s Website

A lawyer’s website can be useful to learn a lot about the lawyer. Review the website from top to bottom. You should be able to learn a great deal about the lawyer and his/her philosophy about the services offered. How does the lawyer differentiate his/her services from competitors?

Communication and Access

Schedule an initial conference and meet and talk with the attorney. Do you like his/her communication style? Some attorneys may appear great on paper or have a recognizable name in the community. Every lawyer has unique traits, which you may or may not like. It is extremely important that you are able to communicate together well and that the lawyer is willing to listen. Many lawyers like to talk but fail to adequately listen. Lawyer dissatisfaction is often rooted in communication problems. Unlike lawyers who practice in areas other than family law, divorce lawyers spend much of their time in court and their time at the office is often consumed with client conferences. Learn about the office policies of the lawyer. Are phone calls returned promptly? Does the lawyer utilize email? Be sure that the lawyer has experienced support persons available to assist. You should always be able to schedule phone conferences to be able to discuss details of your case. Divorces are often very emotional. Without attorney access, clients’ frustrations can multiply unnecessarily. You want an attorney who can help answer your questions and help counsel you through the difficult times. Good family law lawyers have figured out procedures to maintain client communications despite often being scheduled very tightly.

Multi-Disciplinary Approach

Many traditional family law attorneys still believe that their obligation to their client is a narrow one, which is to essentially resolve only the legal issues and leave the matters pertaining to the client’s emotional stress and anxiety, taxation, financial/budget concerns and divorce transition issues to other professionals. This approach, while typical with many lawyers, tends oftentimes to leave a client paralyzed for months and even years after a divorce. Some family law lawyers, however, view their role very differently and have forged strong relationships with various professionals from other disciplines including accountants, mental health counselors, social workers and financial planners. These independent affiliates can assist to provide a multi-disciplinary team approach to resolve clients’ legal problems. Taking this more holistic view of clients’ needs can help clients avoid unnecessary emotional distress as well as save money and time.

To be continued.