Unlike many family law blogs which just share divorce information, we take a much broader view of “family law” and try to provide positive helpful information to readers about ways to help keep marriages together.  Clearly, marriage is an important public and social good, associated with a broad array of positive outcomes for adults, children, and the community as a whole. Divorce proceedings should never be initiated lightly! All relationships have “ups and downs” that can sometimes be very difficult to navigate.

Marriage Works! Ohio! offers an extensive range of programs and services throughout Shelby, Miami, Montgomery, Greene, Butler and Warren counties. This collaborative effort of faith-based and community organizations, including Elizabeth’s New Life Center, has been operating for 3 years.  Recently, it was recognized by the Department of Health and Human Services as one of the 8 most promising programs for marriage education in the country! Their mission is to demonstrate ways to increase knowledge of basic relationship skills, communication skills, commitment to the relationship, and positive conflict resolution among adults and teenagers.  Most of their classes are free of charge. Classes are small, usually with only 10 to 20 couples.  Workshops and classes range in length from only a few hours to an 18 week course!

According to Marriage Works! Ohio! statistics, two-thirds of marriages end due to “low-conflict” reasons, where there was no abuse, violence or serious fighting. Their programs help equip people with a toolbox of skills that are valuable in establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship. They have classes for teens, married couples, people seriously dating, engaged couples, or those that have a child together. Marriage Education or Enrichment (ME) is a fairly new concept.  The idea behind ME is that relationship skills can be learned, and couples who have and use good relationship skills will have a healthier, happier life together.  Their goal is to share these relationship skills (like conflict resolution techniques and communication ideas) with couples so that they can use them to empower and improve their own relationships.

Marriage Works! Ohio! is not a counseling or therapy service, but they do have a support staff to provide one-on-one assistance for couples who are seeking further individualized education to enrich or strengthen their relationship. Communication, conflict resolution, infidelity, divorce prevention and reconciliation are frequent issues the support staff addresses with couples in these sessions utilizing solution focused techniques. Here is a partial list of programs, classes and workshops that they offer:

• Marriage Builders/ Relationship Builders
• Love Thinks: Balancing the Head and the Heart
• Healthy Couples
• Growing a Loving, Lasting Marriage
• Men’s Mentoring Group
• Expecting a Baby?

For more information about Marriage Works! Ohio! Or, to sign up for a class, please go to their website at www.TrustMarriage.com or click here. They can be reached by telephone at (937) 262-7010. Look for articles and tips from Marriage Works! Ohio! in posts to come on the Ohio Family Law Blog!

If you found this article of interest, we had previously  written about the importance of seeking professional counseling and/or therapy during a divorce. Click here to read that article.

Dr. Gregory Ramey, a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital and author of the Family Wise Column in the Dayton Daily News, as well as a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog, will be presenting a parenting seminar at 6:30 p.m., December 3, 2009, at Dayton Children’s Outpatient Care Center in Springboro. Don’t miss it! Dr. Ramey will discuss “Kids and their Technological Worlds” and will provide recent research on internet usage, cell phones, and television, and some concrete implications for today’s parents.  Seating is limited and a RSVP is required. To reserve a seat, contact Betsy Woods at woodsb@childrensdayton.org or call (937)641-3619. The new outpatient care facility is located just off Route 741 at 3333 West Tech Road.

To read Dr. Ramey’s past and present Family Wise columns, click here

It has been six months since our first blog article appeared regarding the Montgomery County Domestic Relations Court’s “mandatory requirement” that both parents must attend a seminar intending to assist parents in understanding what each must do to help their children succeed after a divorce or dissolution. Several questions have arisen since the initial article was published, and I shall endeavor to address them.

Question #1: Divorce is proceeding in Montgomery County, Ohio, but Wife/Mother has relocated to the State of Florida.  What is she supposed to do about the requirement to attend a seminar in the State of Ohio?

Once again, I contacted Galen Curry, Manager of the Parent Education Department of the Domestic Relations Court of Montgomery County, Ohio, and he advised me of the following options:

Question #2: Could Mother meet the requirement of the Ohio Court by taking an “on-line” parenting class?

The Courts in and around Montgomery County are skeptical of “on-line” parenting courses for the reason that they can not verify anyone’s attendance or participation.  It would be very easy for a parent to enroll in an “on-line” parenting class, pay for same, be charged for same, etc.  And yet, how can anyone verify that the particular parent did indeed “listen” to the program being offered via the internet.

Practice Tip: For the parent who is now residing out-of-state, ask him/her to obtain a seminar or workshop itinerary for submission to the Parent Education Department of the relevant county in Ohio and obtain “pre-approval” before money or time is expended by the out-of-state parent.

Question #3: What do you do if you or your client is serving in the military and is stationed in the Middle East (combat area)?

Galen Curry advised that the Court would permit the divorce to proceed in this event; absent the attendance at the mandatory “Helping Children Succeed After Divorce” program.  However, the absent parent may be required to attend the seminar after returning to the United States and before the commencement of visitation. This language could be incorporated into the parties’ Final Judgment and Decree of Divorce.

Question #4: Are there any reasons that attendance at the “required” Seminar might be waived by the Court?

The frank answer is between “slim and none” as the Court believes the content in the seminar to be so essential to divorcing parents.  A very few reasons for the attendance not to be required:

The Domestic Relations Courts of Montgomery County, Ohio, and other surrounding County Courts recognize the importance of the workshops/seminars in addressing how divorced parents can assist their child/children in coping with the aftermath of a divorce.  Attendance at the seminar continues to be “mandatory” or “required” absent an exceptional reason for attendance to be excused.

My original article describing this seminar was posted here on March 14, 2009. There is a lot of valuable information in it. Here is the link back to it.  If you wish to learn more about the “Helping Children Succeed After Divorce” seminar and the parent education offered by the Montgomery County Domestic Relations Court, click here to view the Court’s own website.

Also, if you haven’t read our recent commentary about “Nurturing Children After Divorce”, you might find it valuable. Click here to read it. Another interesting article on this subject was contributed to us by noted child psychiatrist, Dr. Frank. S. Williams, titled “Preventing a Parentectomy After Divorce”. Don’t miss it!  To read it, click here

The “Helping Children Succeed After Divorce” program was created in 1991 through the concerted efforts of the Children’s Hospital Guidance Centers Divorce Services, the Franklin County Domestic Relations Court, and the Family Law Committee of the Columbus (Ohio) Bar Association.  The three (3) hour seminar was designed to provide parents with information to help them better understand their children’s reaction to the divorce process and to adjust to the inevitable changes that divorce brings to the family unit.

In Montgomery County, Ohio, attendance at the “Helping Children Succeed After Divorce” seminar, hereinafter sometimes referred to as “Helping Children” is not an option for divorcing parents but a requirement of the Domestic Relations Court. If a parent fails to attend the seminar, the assigned Judge can deny “parenting time” or “visitation” to that parent or refuse to file the Final Decree of Divorce or Dissolution. The program is taught by Galen Curry, Manager of the Parent Education Department of the Court, or by Margaret Leger (Beth) of the same Department.  The program is offered  during morning hours (9 a.m. to noon), afternoon hours (2 p.m. to 5 p.m.), and evening hours (6 p.m. to 9 p.m.) to accommodate the scheduling needs of parents going through a divorce or dissolution proceeding.  The Court offers at least seven (7) presentations per month.

On February 17, 2009, I took advantage of the opportunity to attend the “Helping Children” program in order to learn firsthand about the workshop.  I attended the seminar with twenty (20) other Mothers and Fathers.  The educational offering is held in Classroom #113 located in Building 12 of Sinclair Community College.  Complimentary refreshments including coffee, tea, soft-drinks, fruit, chips, and cookies were available in an adjacent room.  Galen Curry was the presenter/teacher for this afternoon program.  He utilized a power point presentation, clearly written handouts, relevant film clips, role-playing with an opportunity for dialogue and questions as teaching tools or strategies.  The three (3) hour program with two short breaks went by quickly due to the interesting content and the expertise of the presenter.  Also, during the breaks, participants had the opportunity to pick-up additional handouts from three tables near the classroom.  There were articles about Parenting Styles, Shared Parenting, and about the five (5) stages of the Grief Process in Divorce.  The five (5) stages are akin to the grieving process which one experiences with the death of a loved one:

–Denial/Shock.

–Anger/Resentment.

–Bargaining.

–Depression.

–Acceptance.

Mr. Curry emphasized that a major difference in the grief process between the death of a loved one and a divorce is that the divorce often involves the added emotion of “rejection”.

Our presenter emphasized that the greatest problem for children of divorce or dissolution involves witnessing arguments and/or actual fighting between parents.  Children perceive themselves as being a part of their parents; and if and when they hear their Mother or Father verbally or physically attack the other parent, the child also feels “hurt” and “attacked”, which can have a damaging effect on the child’s self esteem.

The best single predictor of a poor emotional outcome for children are those who live with parents who experience “ongoing” or “continuing” parental conflict–those parties who never move on to the Acceptance Stage of the grieving process.  These parents are the ones who continue to harbor anger, resentment, and extreme ill will months and/or years after the divorce has been finalized. The best single predictor of a positive emotional outcome for children are those who live with parents who are able to exhibit cooperative parenting–the parents who are able to let go of anger and ill will and who place the needs of their children before their own needs.  These parents should adhere to the following rules:

–Do not bring up “old” marital issues into present discussions.

–Limit communication to child-related issues.

–Focus on the present and the future, not the past.

In the third hour of the seminar, Mr. Curry discussed the developmental stages of a child’s life and explained how infants, toddlers, preschoolers, early school age children, older school age children, and adolescents react to divorce and the break-up of the family unit.  Infants, children from birth to twelve months of age, are least affected by the emotional consequences of divorce as they are non-verbal and do not understand the concept of a “family”.  But, even infants can sense if a parent is exhibiting symptoms of anger and tension by the way they are held and cuddled or not held and cuddled.

I thoroughly enjoyed attending the seminar and left most impressed with the educational program parents are receiving from the Court!  Additionally, I learned that the program is free of charge and that parking passes are even issued to participants who park in the Sinclair Community College garage below Building 12.  Persons from adjacent counties and even from out-of-state can attend the seminar without charge. Also, parents do not have to attend the same program together. Each may separately schedule attendance at a time which is convenient to them. A Certificate of Attendance is presented to all the attendees, as well as a copy to the assigned Judge.

I want to express my gratitude to the Domestic Relations Court of Montgomery County, Ohio, Galen Curry and Tina Kavy for permitting me to attend this worthwhile program. For more information about the seminar, call (937) 225-4092.

As Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert would say at the end of their reviews, this program merits “Two thumbs up”!