In a recent analysis of census data, the Pew Research Center found that the institution of marriage has undergone significant changes in recent decades as women have outpaced men in education and earnings growth. The study examined American’s 30 to 44 years old, a stage of life when typical adults have completed their education, have gone to work and gotten married. “Men now are increasingly likely to marry wives with more education and income than they have, and the reverse is true for women,” said Paul Fucito, spokesman for the Pew Center. “In recent decades, with the rise of well-paid working wives, the economic gains of marriage have been a greater benefit for men.” Clearly, these unequal gains have been accompanied by gender role reversals in both the spousal characteristics and the economic benefits of marriage.

I personally enjoy reviewing statistics. For those that don’t, be sure at least to read my conclusion at the end of this piece, especially if you are a woman contemplating entering into a marriage.
Here are some of the significant findings in the study, clearly demonstrating the new economics of today’s marriage:

• In 1970, 28% of wives had husbands who were better educated than they were, outnumbering the 20% whose husbands had less education. By 2007, these patterns had reversed: 19% of wives had husbands with more education, versus 28% whose husbands had less education.
• Only 4% of husbands had wives who brought home more income than they did in 1970, a figure that rose to 22% in 2007.
• The national economic downturn has hurt employment of men more than that of women. The income gap has grown even more in the latest recession, when men held about three in four of the jobs that were lost. Women are moving toward a new milestone in which they constitute half of all the employed. Their share increased from 46.5% in December 2007 to 47.4% in December 2009.
• Women now are the majority of college graduates. Their earnings grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men. That sharper growth has enabled women to narrow, but not close, the earnings gap with men. Median earnings of full-year female workers in 2007 were 71% of earnings of comparable men, compared with 52% in 1970.
• Unmarried men’s household incomes fared worse than those of women. Unmarried women in 2007 had higher household incomes than their 1970 counterparts at each level of education. But unmarried men without any post-secondary education lost ground because their real earnings decreased, and they did not have a wife’s wages to buffer that decline. Unmarried men who did not complete high school or who had only a high school diploma had lower household incomes in 2007 than their 1970 counterparts did.
• There is an important exception to the rule that married adults have fared better than unmarried adults from 1970 to 2007. Married women without a high school diploma did not make the same gains as more educated women: Their household incomes slipped 2% from 1970 to 2007, while those of their unmarried counterparts grew 9%. The stagnant incomes of married women without high school diplomas reflect the poor job prospects of less educated men in their pool of marriage partners. These less-educated married women now are far less likely, than in the past, to have a spouse who works — 77% did in 2007, compared with 92% in 1970.
• Among college-educated adults, married men are markedly more likely to have a wife who is college educated — only 37% did in 1970, compared with 71% in 2007. College-educated married women, though, are somewhat less likely to have a college-educated husband — 70% did in 1970 and 64% did in 2007.
• Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late in life or not marry at all. There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married. Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970.

To read the full study, which includes many more findings along with excellent graphs and charts, click here.

CONCLUSION:

In my practice, I am seeing these “gender reversal” situations almost every day. It is not at all uncommon for divorced women to be ordered to pay spousal support to their ex-husbands. Also, men’s previous reluctance years ago to “accept” spousal support has seemed to have changed as well. I don’t hear, “I am a man and I don’t need any woman to support me”, like I once did. Yes, perhaps it is a good time for a reprise of Bob Dylan’s “The Times They are a-Changin”!

Another trend is that more women contemplating marriage are recognizing the benefits and importance of obtaining a well-written prenuptial agreement before they “tie-the-knot”. As many men had been doing for decades, we now see these successful women trying to protect themselves and their assets in the event of a subsequent divorce.

To learn more about Prenuptial Agreements, click here. I had the pleasure of being interviewed by “Big George” on BBC London radio in July 2009, to discuss the use of Prenuptial Agreements in America. It was lots of fun! Click here if you want to check that out!

I am also in the process of writing a follow-up article indicating how the local statistics in the Dayton area support the results of this Pew Research Center study. Keep an eye out for it!

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A large body of research overwhelmingly suggests children do best when they have both a mother and a father involved in their lives. Specifically, children whose fathers participate in raising them do better in school, are less likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to be better parents themselves. While more fathers are being awarded legal custody of their children, the statistics seem to indicate that the majority (between 75 and 85 percent) are awarded to mothers. Today, nearly 20 million children live in a home without a father (2002 U.S. Bureau of the Census). Recent Census Bureau child-custody statistics indicate that nearly 40% of non-custodial fathers have no access or visitation rights whatsoever with their children.  A very troubling statistic, indeed! Of those that do have visitation rights, what percentage are actually seeing their children regularly? The statistics in the studies vary greatly. But it seems clear that frequently the amount of contact the children have with their fathers diminishes over time.  A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family finds that children born outside of marriage are less likely to be visited by their father when the mother is involved in a new romantic relationship. It also finds that the mother’s social decisions typically have a direct affect on the contact between a father and his child. However, like most studies which I have read, it concludes that non-residential fathers SHOULD continue visitation despite the inherent complications when mother starts dating as it is in the long term best interests of the child.

A review of the research that I have seen also makes it clear that children, especially daughters, benefit considerably when the parent they are not living with nevertheless does everyday things with the child, from shopping, reading, visiting, doing homework, watching TV together, to spending holidays together.  For a school-age daughter, doing everyday-type things together with the parent she is not living with is the strongest predictor of psychological well-being.

Don’t Let Geographical Distance Deter You!

Perseverance may no doubt be required, but Dads need to press on to be as involved as much as they can with their children. I recently concluded representation of a father who has fought in a rural Ohio juvenile court for the last 4 years to expand his parenting time and to ultimately obtain an order of Shared Parenting for his 5-year-old daughter, despite his living in North Carolina. His perseverance was incredible as were the efforts of a dedicated Guardian ad Litem who flew two times to father’s home in North Carolina to evaluate firsthand their strong and developing father-daughter bond. This wise father had allowed his relationship with his daughter to grow naturally and gradually over the years. As much as he wanted her with him, he elected not to force any extended out-of-state visitation beyond his daughter’s comfort zone. What has occurred is that his daughter wants to spend as much time with him as possible. This child will have a much better chance to grow to become a very healthy adult because of Dad’s efforts despite a very contentious court battle. The child will be attending school in Ohio, but father has court-ordered parenting time both in Ohio and North Carolina as well as utilizing virtual visitation online to supplement his "in-person" contact. Dad continues to read books to her at night online with the use of a web camera.

I would like to share a quote by George Bernard Shaw which seems apropos:

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them."

If that one doesn’t work for you, here is one that I am sure my client would especially enjoy since it is from one of his heroes, Erin Brokovich:

"Take It From Me: Life’s a Struggle but You Can Win.”

Think outside the box. In this day and age, staying connected with a child is possible regardless of geographical distances, acrimonious litigation, work schedules or other obstacles. An excellent resource for helping parents dealing with these issues is the Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interests of children involved in custody and divorce proceedings. Click here to go to SPARC’s website. Also, you might be interested in reading my prior articles about Virtual Visitation. Click here to read the first about Utilizing Technology to Supplement Parenting Time. Click here to read the second about The Legal aspects of Virtual Visitation.

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The Pentagon reported the divorce rate among military members increased again in the past year and is now a full percentage point higher than it was around the time of the September 11, 2001, attacks.  According to their figures, the divorce rate of about 3.6 percent for fiscal year 2009 increased from the reported 2001 rate of 2.6 percent.  Women in uniform continued to have a much higher divorce rate than their male counterparts – 7.7% in 2009 compared with only 3% for men.  Air Force Maj. April Cunningham, a Defense Department spokeswoman, said the latest year-to-year change was relatively small because the services have made available programs focused on strengthening and enriching family bonds among couples.  “We believe these programs are instrumental in mitigating the stresses deployment places on marriages,” said Cunningham.

The actual data for the Afghanistan study indicated that the Army is trying to increase the number of mental health providers for the 68,000 US troops having problems such as acute stress, depression, and anxiety from the current number of 43 to roughly 103.  Seemingly, a very low number of counselors in my opinion!

“Every marriage has controllable and uncontrollable factors,” said Joe Davis, spokesman for the Veterans of Foreign Wars.  “But when you interject eight years of war, preparing for war, being at war, coming home and having to think about going back to war again – and when you have children – it just has a tremendous impact on the family unit. . . . Still at the end of the day, it’s that one mother or father who has to go home and close the door and be home alone with their children. There’s nothing you can do that will end the stress of having a loved one at war until the war ends,” said Davis.

The Pentagon acknowledges that their figures do not count veterans, who divorce after leaving the services, or reflect other possible wartime consequences on families, such as increases in alcoholism or the toll on orphaned or emotionally stressed children of troops.  Also, the figures do not speak to troubled but only intact marriages.  In an Army battlefield survey taken in Iraq in the spring, nearly 22 percent of young combat soldiers who were questioned said they planned to get a divorce or separation, compared to 12.4 percent in a survey conducted in 2003.

Regardless of how accurate the statistics are, the negative impact for military families and children by the two ongoing wars and repeated deployments continues to fracture military families.  Or, as a military’s spokesperson spins it, “In both theaters of operation, soldiers continued to face stress resulting from multiple deployments, but report feeling more prepared for the stress.”  Despite being “more prepared for the stress,” even the military acknowledges that troops in their third or fourth deployment reported significantly more acute stress and other psychological problems, and married soldiers among them reported significantly more marital problems compared to soldiers on their first or second deployment.

As a divorce lawyer, I can tell you how important it is for individuals living in their hometown in a relatively “stable” situation to have access to mental health counselors, therapists and support groups.  I can’t fathom the pain and burden of trying to fight a war abroad while being separated from a spouse and children and all the accompanying anxiety and stress. We certainly owe a huge debt of gratitude to each and every one of them!

For more information about this story, click here.

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According to figures from the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 2.1 million adopted children and 4.4 million stepchildren of householders as estimated from the Census 2000 sample. Together, these children represented approximately 8 percent of the 84 million sons and daughters of householders in 2000.

It is a fact, based upon several recent surveys, that children in adoptive households are treated better than children in homes with two biological parents!  Adoptive parents were more likely to enrich their children’s lives to compensate for the lack of biological ties and invest more effort recognizing that adopted children needed more help to succeed. Nigel Barber, Ph.D., author of Kindness in a Cruel World, wrote a fascinating article in Psychology Today Blogs on June 1, 2009, about the subject (click here to read).  He analyzed two recent studies, both of which have findings that are inconsistent with the fairy-tale claim that parents cannot treat genetically unrelated children as well as their own kin.

In a study of homes having one natural child and one adopted child using records provided by an adoption agency for over 22 years, anthropologist, Kyle Gibson, concluded that adopted children were more likely to attend preschool and to receive private tutoring than biological children.  Adoptees had a better likelihood of receiving cars and personal loans, and their parents spent more time at the adoptees’ sports events.  According to Gibson’s study, the likely reason that parents invested more in their adopted children was not that they favored them or loved them more than their biological children, but that they recognized that adopted children had more significant problems such as drug or alcohol addiction, delinquency problems, and were more likely to receive welfare.  So, to avoid that result, parents of adopted children compensate and provide more involvement to their adopted children.

Laura Hamilton of Indiana University has written a thorough analysis about a 2007 study, which was published in the February edition of The American Sociological Review, with similar findings and conclusions.  She found that adoptive parents enrich their children’s lives to compensate for the lack of biological ties and the extra challenges of adoption.  To read the study, click here.

Other studies have also concluded that adopted teens scored better than their non-adopted siblings in:

• Connectedness – Having three or more friends and having access to two or more non-parent adults for advice.
• Caring – Placing a high value on helping other people.
• Social Competency – Friendship making and assertiveness skills.
• Optimism – Expecting to be happy in 10 years and expecting to be successful as an adult.

Click here to read more about these conclusions from a study conducted by the Search Institute in Minneapolis.

Many adopted adults are quite successful and famous. Here is a list of adults who had been adopted as children:

• Halle Berry (actress)
• Robert Byrd (U.S. senator)
• Peter and Kitty Caruthers (figure skaters)
• Eric Dickerson (football player)
• President Gerald Ford
• Melissa Gilbert (actress)
• Scott Hamilton (Olympic gold medalist skater)
• Debbie Harry (singer, a.k.a. Blondie)
• Faith Hill (singer)
• Steve Jobs (co-founder of Apple Computers)
• Bo Diddley (musician)
• Jim Palmer (professional baseball player)
• Nancy Reagan (former First Lady)
• Les Brown (Motivational Speaker)
• Dave Thomas (Founder of Wendy’s)
• Edward Albee (playwrite)
• Ingrid Bergman (actress)

For more information about adoption, click here to link to the National Council for Adoption website, whose mission is to promote the well-being of children, birth parents, and adoptive families by advocating for the positive option of adoption.

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I came across an interesting survey last month in the Gordon Poll Youth Survey published by the Wilmington Institute Network. Dr. Robert Gordon is the founder and director of the Wilmington Institute of Trial and Settlement Sciences. He is a past president of the Texas Psychological Association and is author of “On the Witness Stand.” He is both a clinical psychologist and a lawyer. The work of Dr. Gordon and the institute team has been featured on the MacNeil-Lehrer News Hour, ABC, Nightline, CNN, Fox News, Larry King Live, Good Morning America and USA Today.

The Gordon Poll Youth Survey focuses on family life issues. It is conducted for the benefit of parents, educators and members of the legal and mental health professions. The May 2009 survey was compiled from a sample size of 1,000 children between ages 14-18, and they are from a self-selected national sample that includes all 50 states.

Here are a few selected comments from participants who indicated that each parent should pay the same:

“Yes, one parent may earn more, or one may not have custody, but both parents are equally, biologically responsible for their child. Just because someone earns more doesn’t make it their job to pay more.”

Here are some selected comments from participants who indicated that the parent who earns more should pay more:

Here are selected comments from participants who indicated that the parent who doesn’t live with the kid should pay more:

And, these selected comments are from participants who indicated that the parent who wanted the divorce should pay more:

Click here to read more comments from the survey participants. I will be bringing you more USA Youth Survey results in the future!

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A recent study correlating divorce rates among parents with ADHD children was recently conducted by Brian T. Wymbs and William E. Pelham, Jr., at the University of Buffalo, and published in the October, 2008, issue of the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. The conclusions included that raising ADHD children can place a strain on any marriage. The results showed that 22.7% of couples with an ADHD child became divorced by the child’s 8th birthday, as contrasted with 12.6% in the control group whose child had not been diagnosed with ADHD. Interestingly, after the child reached the age of 8 years old, there was not a significant statistical difference in the divorce rates between couples with or without an ADHD child. For more information about the study, including the characteristics which may impact the likelihood of a divorce, click here.

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Perhaps it is time to forget the “I am a man and can take care of myself” attitude. Did you know that under Ohio law, the factors for alimony or spousal support are gender blind? Up until the 1980′s there were few men who received spousal support from their wives, but times and attitudes are slowly changing. As more men are granted custody of their children or become stay at home dads, the need for women to pay both child and spousal support has increased. But interestingly, statistics show that “thirty-three percent of higher-earning spouses are women, but fewer than four percent of alimony payers are women”, according to a CNN article on Manimony (a slang term for alimony paid to men). In today’s society many men still refuse to request spousal support even if their spouse earns much more money than they do. So it seems that the inequality in spousal support awards may have more to do with male machismo than any legal bias.

In her blog, Attorney Marie Fahnert, the author of the Chicago Divorce Lawyer had a very insightful perspective on the topic. She believes that “women will never achieve full equality until men stop being stigmatized for earning less that their wives. Simply speaking- if alimony rates for men stay as they are- a married man will never have the same incentive as a women to invest in his spouse’s career.”

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What I have sensed for a few years has now been corroborated by Gregg Herman, who chairs the American Bar Association Family Law Section. He says, “Divorce has become far less litigious in that more cases are settled than litigated.” The members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers have noticed the same phenomenon. In a poll last year, 58 percent of its members indicated that more of their divorce cases over the past five years were settled without trial. Only 12 percent said they were resolving fewer cases without trial. James Hennenhoefer, the president of the Academy, believes that there is a clear preference especially among middle-income clients to resolve cases with less contention, in part to cut down on costs.

Now I am not suggesting that nasty divorce cases don’t exist. They do. In my practice, custody/parenting issues still top the list of hotly disputed areas, followed by spousal support and division of retirement accounts. The general acceptance of shared parenting arrangements has helped lessen custody litigation. Nonetheless, the level of acrimony of the parties can drastically affect both the tone and contentiousness of the divorce proceedings.

The lawyers in our law firm have adopted the American Bar Association Family Law Section’s Standards of Professionalism and Civility. Click here to read them. Even level headed reasonable people have a tendency when going through a divorce to become emotional and often times try to punish their spouse or adopt the “win at all cost” attitude. Experienced divorce attorneys should try to help guide clients through the process by adopting a constructive not destructive approach. Generally, there is never a true “winner” in a divorce. Just like an experienced tour guide would protect his charge in an unfamiliar and potentially dangerous jungle safari, so too must the lawyer commit himself to counsel and protect his client’s interest and usher them skillfully from the initial conference through the final hearing.

The statistics and quotes appeared in the June 2008 ABA Journal article, “Still no Bed of Roses” written by Jill Schachner Chanen.

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Seventy percent of Americans now believe that divorce is “morally acceptable,” according to a recent poll conducted by Gallup’s 2008 Values and Beliefs survey. This figure represents an 11 percent increase from just 7 years ago and a 5 percent increase from 1 year ago. Only 22 percent of Americans said they believed divorce was “morally wrong.” Interestingly, divorce was the only ethical issue of the 16 issues measured in the survey where opinions significantly changed over the past year. The survey was conducted by a telephone sampling of 1,017 adults in the US, aged 18 or older, from May 8-11,2008. To read the entire survey results, click here.

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Men and women serving in the armed forces of our country encounter many stresses within their marriages that men and women in the general public do not experience. Long separations from marriage partners and other family members and hardships experienced due to war conditions in Afghanistan and Iraq play havoc on many military marriages. So, it is somewhat surprising that the divorce rate among men and women serving in the military remained steady last year at 3.3 percent. From October 1, 2006, through October 1, 2007, there were 25,000 failed marriages out of approximately 755,000 married active duty troops. These statistics represent members of all military branches.

According to information provided by the Defense Department, members of the Army had a divorce rate of 3.2 percent, a rate which remains unchanged from the previous year. Of the 275,000 married Army soldiers, that amounts to approximately 8,750 divorces. Comparing all branches of the military, it is the Army which has the largest number of troops serving in Afghanistan and Iraq. More Army couples had to cope with longer separations as many tours of duty were extended from twelve (12) months to fifteen (15) months in duration. This past year was also the deadliest year for our troops serving in the war zones during the present conflict. Multiple tours of duty and longer than usual deployments have been cited as reasons for greater stress on military marriages. Spouses remaining at home must fend for themselves in dealing with family problems and issues. A greater number of suicides and reports of mental health problems have also been reported.

There is a notable exception to the foregoing findings. The divorce rate among active duty women is increasing. Historically, their marriages failed at twice the rate of men in the service. At this time, firm numbers were not available- but it appears that in 2007, eight (8) percent of female soldiers’ marriages ended in divorce compared to just nearly three (3) percent of male soldiers’ marriages ending in divorce.

It must be noted that the foregoing data regarding military divorces is not based upon the actual number of divorces obtained. The information is calculated by taking the number of married troops at the beginning of each budget year and subtracting the number of of married troops at the end of each year. Officials consider this methodology to be valid as this method of calculation has remained the same for many years.

At the present, there is not a comparable system to track the divorce rate of civilians. However, according to the most recent information available, the Centers for Disease Control (“CDC”) reported the divorce rate was 3.6 per one thousand (1000) persons in the general population, for a rate of 3.6 percent in 2005-the most recent statistics available.

Some retired military veterans question the validity of the foregoing divorce statistics and question whether they are truly correct. According to Todd Bowers, a spokesperson of the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, the extreme stresses of war are creating an increase in marriage failures among the military, but said failures are not being tracked or counted accurately. Part of the problem in tracking the number of divorces is that many of the military men and women divorce after leaving military service. Todd Bowers remarked- “When you look at their numbers…there is a piece of the puzzle that is missing!” Also, the numbers produced do not include “troubled” marriages that remain intact. In a survey conducted in Iraq in 2006, twenty (20) percent of the military members serving in Iraq indicated that they or their spouses were planning a divorce proceeding as compared to just fifteen (15) percent the previous year.

Paul Boyce, an Army spokesman, counters that the divorce rate is not higher than usual for military families because of the “strong support programs…and a sense of real teamwork among the families.” For example, he reports that Army soldiers returning home receive special training in a program entitled “Battlemind”. This program is designed to teach military men and women how to re-adjust to domestic living and about how to address common problems they can expect to encounter upon returning home and to their families. In the “Strong Bonds” program, Army chaplains actively educate and train active duty members and reservists in building and strengthening personal relationships.

Other branches of the service are also reaching out to military members and their families. The Marines are offering to couples the opportunity to take workshops to teach them how to improve their communication with one another and how to resolve conflicts. The Navy is sponsoring weekend retreats for couples as a way of helping them strengthen and improve relationships. The Army is also funding a program entitled “Family Covenant”- a broad initiative of facilities and services aimed at improving the quality of life for Army families. Some of the goals include improvement of housing, child care facilities, health care services, and base schools in order to reduce stress and strain on the spouses of military men and women.

There is more information about this topic at Forbes.

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