Do Men or Women Typically Initiate a Divorce First?

Statistics say 70% of marriages in the US that end in termination are initiated by women, but what do the experts really say?

When a couple decides to marry, they usually think their marriage will last until “death do us part”. Sadly though, that is often not the case. In the United States, roughly half of marriages end in divorce. Terminating a marriage is usually not something couples take lightly, and while it may be a mutual decision, the statistics show there is a clear pattern as to who makes the initial call. In the US, it is estimated that 70% of marriages that end in divorce are initiated by women. That figure rises to 90% when the woman is college educated.

So why is it that women are more likely to choose to proceed with a divorce than men? Heidi Kar, who is a licensed clinical psychologist and international mental health expert for the Education Development Center in New York sites that it is not a coincidence that the rise of divorce initiated by women coincides with women’s liberation. Kar says “Across cultures and geographies, women who are economically able to take care of themselves – which usually is tied to higher education levels – are more likely to initiate divorce than women who are unable to economically sustain themselves and their children.

Although the rise in economic independence of women is a factor, it is not the only reason women initiate divorce actions. Many women cite that the expectations they had of marriage fail to match the reality of marriage. Experts say that women generally have a higher expectation that their emotional needs will be met, than men do. Gilza Fort-Martinez is licensed couples’ therapist specializing in conflict resolution based in Florida claims that men are socialized to have lower emotional intelligence than women do. Because of this woman often do not feel emotional supported from their partner.

Do women initiate Divorce for a share of Marital Assets?

Women tend to be more in tune to problems within a relationship and often find themselves being the primary communicator and the one to raise issues ultimately resulting in divorce. Fort-Martinez points out that women often feel that when they are not emotionally supported that single life seems more appealing. Women who don’t feel emotionally supported often feel that they are “bearing the brunt of household and child rearing labor which can leave working women overwhelmed and stressed.”

Katie Spooner who is head of family law at Winckworth Sherwood in London says “women tend to be more motivated than men to resolve their marital status”. Even if the woman was not the one to initiate the divorce, the need to finalize the divorce is more important generally. She reports that her male clients are often content to remain separated unless they a new relationship. Women on the other hand often have given up work or reduced their hours to care for children resulting in less earning potential. Spooner says women she works with in the UK “are more motivated to push for a divorce over a separation to get their fair share of marital assets.

All marriages and divorces are different of course, but it does seem that women’s improved earning power, inequalites in household duties, and the lack of mismatched emotional needs between men and women support that divorce is deeply gendered, and it doesn’t appear that this is changing.

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Our experienced Dayton divorce lawyers at Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues can assist you with your divorce or dissolution related issues. To learn more, please go to our website at www.hcmmlaw.com or call us at 937 293-2141. We can schedule an in-person conference or one by phone or Zoom. We look forward to assisting you!

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