Dr. Karen Finn

What I Wish All Kids of Divorced Parents Thought About the Holidays!

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Here is one Dr. Karen Finn wrote and posted to her blog on December 9, 2013. Her advice on kids of divorced parents, seems timeless and appropriate…

Divorced Parents: Divorce and the holidays can make things pretty miserable for kids. Here’s how to help your kids of divorce have happier holidays even if they aren’t with you.

For way too many kids of divorced parents the holidays aren’t all that merry. Instead, the holidays are filled with confusion and guilt. These kids experience confusion because they often have a hard time keeping track of schedules about when they’re going to be with Mom, when they’re going to be with Dad, and when they’re going to be with their friends. Then layered on top of this confusion is guilt.

Kids of divorced parents often feel the need to be actors. They don’t want to upset Mom by talking about Dad in front of her and they don’t want to upset Dad by talking about Mom in front of him. So, these kids learn to act like their other parent isn’t as important as the parent they’re with right now. The pressure to continue the charade amps up around … Read More... “What I Wish All Kids of Divorced Parents Thought About the Holidays!”

How To Forgive And Let Go After Divorce

How can I forgive and let go after divorce? The difficult challenges of healing post-divorce

No matter how you look at it, divorce is painful. Your life (and the lives of your children) are changed forever. And for a time you must face challenge after challenge – a seemingly endless stream of them. Yet you know you must continue to move forward so you persevere and eventually ask yourself the question, “How can I forgive and let go of all the hurt?”

This question is important because it’s at the core of all the pain you’re experiencing over your divorce. It’s also one of the most difficult challenges of healing after divorce because divorce brings with it so many hurts, betrayals, and lost dreams.

So let me walk you through how I help my clients learn how to forgive and let go after divorce.

The first step is to truly understand what forgiveness is.

What is forgiveness?

Simply put, forgiveness is a conscious decision to release your feelings of resentment, hurt, anger, or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you.

What I like about this definition is that it’s all about you. It’s not about waiting … Read More... “How To Forgive And Let Go After Divorce”

How To Be Happy With Your Life Post-Divorce

Are You Happy With Your Post-Divorce Life

How To Steer Your Mindset In The Direction Of Happiness, Post-Divorce

Are you one of those people who just knows how to be happy with your life, regardless of your circumstances? Or do your circumstances dictate the state of your happiness? What if you’re divorced or are going through a divorce? Would happiness suddenly seem like a coveted but impossible commodity?

There are no right or wrong answers – only honest ones. It’s the honest ones, after all, that open the door to possibility, whether that be in the form of major improvement or a simple shift in perspective.

Using divorce as a pivotal discussion point is a meaningful way to examine the concept of happiness in the throes of chaos, disappointment, and loss. As a veritable 180 to the hope-filled expectations and joyful ambitions of married life, divorce is an eviscerating experience.

Unexpected “identity crisis”: Now Who Are You?

It turns your life inside out, making it all but unrecognizable for what can be a very long adjustment period.

It also messes with your sense of personal identity: You are used to living the role of a spouse, and suddenly that … Read More... “How To Be Happy With Your Life Post-Divorce”

10 Happy-Life, Motivational Quotes To Help You Move On After Divorce

Sources of Encouragement: Happy life, motivational quotes that can Empower your Heart and Mind.

Every now and then, when you’re down in the trenches of ugly emotions, a good dose of happy-life, motivational quotes is in order. Sure, it can seem a little sappy. But there’s good reason these positive musings still make the rounds.

So, if you’re facing the long road ahead after a divorce>, take a little encouragement from these wordsmiths.

Here are 10 happy life, motivational quotes to help you move on with a positive outlook after divorce:

It always gets worse before it can get better. But it will get better. Like everything else, and like our past struggles, at some point we win, but before that win, there’s always that loss that spurs us on.

– Dolores Huerta

What a beautiful, pensive place to start. A reality check coupled with an assurance of hope. Surely the intensity of pain, grief, and adjustment can be managed when there is light beckoning you to the other side of loss. You can, of course, focus on the loss. Or you can focus on the hope and use the energy of the loss to propel you forward.

How To Fix A Miserable Marriage

Before You Can Fix A Broken Marriage Learn What Needs To Be Fixed!

You take your vows anticipating the good, the hopeful, the uncomfortable-but-not-insurmountable conflicts. What you don’t anticipate is struggling to figure out how to fix a miserable marriage. And yet, sometimes it’s a slippery slope from happy to just-a-shift-in-priorities to growing apart to unhappy…to miserable.

Would you even know the 12 signs of a bad marriage without reading about them or learning about them in therapy? Granted, there is an infinite spectrum of subjectively interpreted happiness and unhappiness. And what’s happy/unhappy for one person/couple may not be so for another. But, if you’re going to learn how to fix a miserable marriage, you need to first recognize the signs of issues you want to “fix.”

Do you know what’s making you miserable?

Have you and your spouse stopped talking? Do you fight all the time? Or have you stopped fighting altogether?

Has sex become a thing of the past or even something withheld as retribution or an expression of contempt?

Has one of you had sexual indiscretion or begun to push the limits of an emotional affair?

Is there verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse?

What To Do If Your Life Is A Mess After Divorce

Mess After Divorce: It’s possible for you to love your life again.

It’s a tricky, devious, exhausting struggle, this whole getting-over-a-relationship thing. And if you have been married, you know there is a lot more at stake than just a romantic hit-and-run. Marriage means you were vested in something bigger than just “two people in love.” So, if your life is a mess after divorce, it’s no wonder.

Think about what it’s like to pack up and move from a house you have lived in for 10, 20, 30 years. Now imagine the task as an effort to downsize.

Everything that was once neatly in its place (on cleaning day, anyway) is now…well…everywhere. Essentials, non-essentials, mementos, family heirlooms, favorites-for-no-good-reason. It’s all unearthed, waiting for a decision to be made on its destiny.

Your home is a mess. Your life is a mess. After divorce, this metaphor comes to life in every area of your existence. You don’t feel as if you are “just moving” (or that they are just moving) — you feel as if you have been foreclosed on.

Mess After Divorce: You have to move out of and move into. You have to divide, negotiate, relinquish.

How To Survive A Bad Marriage Without Divorce

Tips to Help Deal with the Emotional Disconnect of a Bad Marriage

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: I always try to thoroughly explore options with clients considering a divorce, such as marital counseling, trial seperations, mediation etc. Divorce should NEVER be entered into lightly! I think Dr. Karen Finn article below is an excellent one! She clearly lays out tips to deal with an emotional disconnect.

Will a Mini Separation Help a Bad Marriage and Prevent Divorce?

Pre-marriage 101 may give you a hefty toolkit for building a healthy marriage from the outset. Do everything correctly, and you won’t be wondering how to survive a bad marriage. Without divorce as an option, however, every couple needs to learn skills for sticking it out when the relationship loses its luster.

There are times and circumstances that warrant the end of a marriage. No one should resolve to tough things out when there is abuse, for example – whether physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual. Safety is a non-negotiable.

(*If you or someone in your home is a victim of domestic abuse, please do not wait to get help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE [7233] and keep this number in your phone … Read More... “How To Survive A Bad Marriage Without Divorce”

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