Advice from Others Archives - Ohio Family Law Blog

Blast From The Past: Don’t Create Halloween Horrors for your Child! [2022]

PUBLISHERS NOTE: “Halloween can be very tricky for divorced parents. Here is some great advice from Psychotherapist Donna Ferber from way back in 2010 and 2018. If you enjoy this article, you would love her book, “From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey Through Divorce” available on Amazon and Kindle. Also, check out her website, www.DonnaFerber.com.”

Make Your Child’s Halloween A Positive Experience Post Divorce

For many kids, Halloween is one of the most important holidays of the year. The child of divorce is faced with choices and concerns. Who will take me treat-or-treating? Who will get my costume and dress me? Where will I trick-or-treat?

Then, of course, there logistical problems for the divorced parents. By addressing these issues in advance, parents can reduce stress and not distract from the child’s positive experience. These include:

In two-parent homes, often one parent gives out candy while the other parent takes the child trick-or-treating. Now there is only one parent in the home. Do you stay and give out candy or do you go with your child?
Parents often do not specify in their divorce decree who “gets” the child on October 31. If it falls on a visitation

How to Tell Your Children About Your Filing for Divorce

Filing For Divorce? Break The News To Your Children With These Recommendations

Having been a divorce lawyer for over 40 years, I am asked this question frequently. I always appreciate the question. It shows appropriate concern and insight about the importance of handling this matter correctly.

My advice is to spend time reading materials from counselors and psychologists on the subject more qualified to address it. There are a ton of resources available online or books on the topic. Planning ahead is important – don’t just drop this “bomb” in an off-hand nonthought-out manner.

Here are some suggestions the professionals often recommend:

Both Parents Tell the Kids Together

While this may not be possible in many situations, it certainly is usually the best approach if you and your spouse can present a civil “united front”. That will hopefully show your children that both parents will continue to be in their lives going forward. Also, doing it together prevents one parent from unintentionally (or intentionally) placing blame.
Plan What You Will Say

Avoid the thought that you need to explain EVERYTHING. Sharing the “truth” is not important. The objective is to provide the children reassurance and loving support. Generally, you

What To Do If You’re Struggling With Life After Divorce

7 Steps For You to Take That Can Make Your Life After Divorce A Life You Love Again

Divorce is rarely easy. It marks the end of something you thought would last forever – through thick and thin. And when your dreams are destroyed, moving forward from the destruction can be really, really hard. What you need to know first is you’re not alone. Struggling with life after divorce is pretty common.

If fact, at least 50% of everyone who divorces struggles with moving on with their lives. I know this because there’s usually one spouse who decides divorce is the answer while the other wants to work on the marriage. And, as you know, it only takes one to make the decision to divorce.

However, not everyone who decides divorce is the answer to the problems in their marriage finds it easy to move on with their life. Many of the deciders struggle with life after divorce too.

So, if you’re struggling with your life after divorce, you also need to know that you can get through it. You can create a new life for yourself that feels good. And, yes, you can be genuinely happy again.

Here

How To Be Able To Look Back And Say, “My Life Got Better After Divorce”

better after divorce karen finn life coach

PUBLISHERS’S NOTE: Last week I introduced the concept of a “Divorce Coach” to our readers. Here is an interesting article written by Divorce Coach Dr. Karen Finn. She has a terrific website at www.drkarenfinn.com. Let me know your thoughts about her insights! I am hoping you want to read more as she has graciously agreed to be a regular guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog.

Rebuilding Your Life After A Painful Dissolution – Must Read Tips On How To Make Life Better After Divorce!

The process of divorce — the lead-up, the decision, the legal circus — is often more about getting out of unhappiness than stepping into happiness. Being able to say, “My life got better after divorce” may be a long time coming. But holding onto that vision can fuel your healing and progress.

If you’re the one initiating the split, you may be driven by the hope of a happier life after the divorce. You may be making plans in your daydream hours, if only to give yourself energy through a difficult and draining process.

Whether or not you want the divorce, you may also be plagued by the fear that your life … Read More... “How To Be Able To Look Back And Say, “My Life Got Better After Divorce””

Blast From The Past: What and How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce

Blast from the past 13 years Ohio Family Law Blog

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: What is the best way to tell children about their parents divorcing? This is a frequent question I am asked. I can’t tell you how many times over the years that I have sent clients a link to this 2010 article from Connecticut Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber. Surely sage advice for all times!

One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.

Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:

If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
Tell them close to the time that one of the

Blast From The Past: Consider the Impact of Divorce on Your Adult Children

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Here is a great post about the impact of divorce on your adult children. It is written by psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber from back on May 29th, 2010! We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!

How Much Personal Information Should You Share With Your Adult Children? Confiding To A Child Of Divorce Puts The Child In A No-Win Situation

It’s a misconception that when parents divorce it doesn’t affect adult children. It is important to remember that our children may be adults (and even may have experienced divorce themselves), but they are still children of both parents. In going through divorce, many parents “lean” on their children, making them into confidantes and, sometimes, surrogate spouses. Children, even adult children, are uncomfortable with details of their parents’ personal life. Confiding to a child about a parent’s indiscretions puts the child in a no-win situation.

Many of the adult children I have spoken with say that they are shocked and angry by their parents’ behavior. But as the child, they continue to want the relationship. Giving adult children inappropriate … Read More... “Blast From The Past: Consider the Impact of Divorce on Your Adult Children”

Some Advice on How to Raise Happy Children

Effective Parenting Leads To Happy Children

When it comes to raising happy children, some parenting approaches are more effective than others. Well adjusted and happy adults tend to be raised by parents who were caring and engaged, but also set and enforce high expectations for behavior.

A research study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology by Mai Stafford and her colleagues assessed the relationship between parental behaviors and youth well-being beginning when the kids were teens and conducted follow-up assessments when the youth were 36 and 43 years of age.

It’s difficult to conduct research over 30 years, but these scientists discovered a clear relationship between what parents did when their kids were young, and how they turned out as adults. Effective parents had two characteristics.

First, they were attentive and engaged in their children’s lives. They praised their children, were affectionate, and showed a genuine interest in their activities.

There was an open expression of feelings in these families and mutual communication. This isn’t a surprising result. Love matters.

Second, effective parents had a somewhat authoritative parenting style.

Parents Ineffective Style Can Be Damaging To Raising Children

Expectations were clearly expressed, and limits were enforced. The rules … Read More... “Some Advice on How to Raise Happy Children”

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