Helpful Books For Children Going Through Divorce And Loss

books_ramey.jpgHow do you talk with kids about divorce, depression or death? Many parents have no idea how to even begin such a conversation about serious topics with their children.

Honest and insightful communication is as difficult for kids as it is for most of us. Parents’ questions are often viewed as interrogation, met by silence, “I dunno” or a single word response. Speaking with younger children presents even more challenges. Younger kids have intense feelings and complex thoughts, but just don’t have the vocabulary to translate ideas into words. How can we gain entry into our children’s inner lives and encourage the expression of what they really think and feel?

Children’s books provide a tremendous opportunity to promote such communication.

These are not the same books that many of us read as youngsters. Contemporary children’s literature better reflects the reality and range of issues confronted by many kids. There are books that deal with intense topics of abuse, divorce and death. However, more routine issues such as friendship, forgiveness, fears, nail biting, bedwetting, ADHD, anger and depression are also common themes in many books.

I’ve used stories in working with many kids in therapy. Books give kids a sense that … Read More... “Helpful Books For Children Going Through Divorce And Loss”

The Role and Functions of a Guardian ad Litem in the State of Ohio, Pt. 2

In part 2, Attorney Anne Shale lists four more functions of a Guardian ad Litem in the State of Ohio including her conclusion.

Who pays for the services of the Guardian ad Litem?

The Court has great discretion in determining which party shall pay for the services of a Guardian ad Litem. In many instances, the Court will initially direct each party to pay for one half of the Guardian ad Litem’s fees. Depending upon the recommendations of the Guardian ad Litem, the Court may reserve the right to reallocate or reapportion the payment of the fees for the Guardian ad Litem.

For example, if Mother is asserting that Father is abusive with a harmful dependence upon drugs and/or alcohol and the Guardian ad Litem finds no evidence of same with his/her investigation of the family unit, the Court may direct Mother to pay for all of the Guardian ad Litem’s fees.

What are the “usual” fees for having a Guardian ad Litem?

The “usual” fees will vary from case to case and from Court to Court so the answer is dependent upon the facts of the case and the Court having jurisdiction of the case. In the Domestic Relations … Read More... “The Role and Functions of a Guardian ad Litem in the State of Ohio, Pt. 2”

The Role and Functions of a Guardian ad Litem in the State of Ohio, Pt. 1

What is a Guardian ad Litem?

A Guardian ad Litem (“GAL”) is usually a lawyer appointed by the Court to appear in a lawsuit on behalf of an incompetent or minor party. In Juvenile Court cases and Domestic Relations cases, the Guardian ad Litem is appointed on behalf of a minor child or minor children in custody, visitation, and/or other disputed child-related issues.

What does the Guardian ad Litem do?

The Guardian ad Litem is appointed by the Court to undertake an investigation of custody issues, visitation issues, and other parenting issues before the Court. The Guardian ad Litem is expected to meet with each parent individually and to meet with each parent and the child or children to be able to observe the interaction between each parent and the child or children. The Guardian ad Litem is also expected to meet with the child or children individually to determine the wishes of the child or children. If requested by either parent of the child or children, the minor child or children may be interviewed “in camera” by the appointed Judge or Magistrate with the Guardian ad Litem present.

An “in camera” interview is conducted with the Judge or Magistrate … Read More... “The Role and Functions of a Guardian ad Litem in the State of Ohio, Pt. 1”

New Study Concludes that Divorce is Neither Good nor Bad: May Not Cause Kids’ Bad Behavior

Here’s a news flash. The “experts” disagree! Many well-respected studies over the years have concluded that kids are often negatively impacted as a result of their parent’s divorce. However according to Allen Li, of the prestigious RAND Corporation’s Population Research Center in Santa Monica, California, most kids are not seriously affected by the divorce in the long term, but a divorce raises the risk that a child will have future problems. Li presented his findings in Chicago April 26, 2008, at a meeting of the non-profit Council on Contemporary Families.

The study by Li was based upon a large sample-6,332 children. His methodology differed from that which was used by others in the past. He didn’t measure children of divorced parents with children of married parents. Instead, he measured behavior problems such as crying, cheating or arguing frequently, in children ages four to fifteen before and after their parents’ split. He describes it as a “longitudinal approach”. Li found a slight increase in bad behavior on post-divorce children but excluded the finding because it was so slight. In the abstract to his study, Li concludes “that children of divorce would have fared equally well/poor in terms of their emotional well-being … Read More... “New Study Concludes that Divorce is Neither Good nor Bad: May Not Cause Kids’ Bad Behavior”

Most preventable mental disorder in children is Divorce-related trauma

Divorced parents simply have no appreciation of the trauma they cause their children, most of which is totally preventable. Yes, divorce is difficult for kids, but they can successfully deal with it if they have parents who love them more than they dislike their ex-spouse.

Parents underestimate what their children feel, think and experience about the divorce process. Kids really do pick up on your subtle sarcasm, rolling of the eyes, abrupt style and frequent put downs of your ex-spouse. Why do divorced parents behave in such a terrible manner? I’ve asked that question many times to parents in my office, and I typically get a litany of the many real and perceived hurts inflicted by the ex-spouse. Bad behavior by one parent doesn’t justify retribution by the other.

Here’s what a 10-year told me recently. “They think I don’t know stuff they say about each other but I do. It hurts. It hurts a lot!”

[Reprinted by permission from the Dec. 30 edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Thoughts on children drawn from past year”, Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PH.D.]

… Read More... “Most preventable mental disorder in children is Divorce-related trauma”
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