Three Things You Can Do To Eliminate Stress

While not directly discussing families or individuals involved in a divorce, Dr. Ramey’s wise suggestions in this article, are equally applicable in the family law context.

stress5.jpgI spent part of my holiday vacation watching 10 hours of “Band of Brothers,” the HBO mini-series based on the experiences of the 506th parachute infantry regiment in World War II. Each program was preceded by interviews with the actual soldiers upon whom the story was based. These men spoke eloquently of their dedication to the cause of freedom and to each other.

One word was remarkably absent from their discussions. I never heard any of the soldiers complain about stress while daily confronting horrendous destruction and the death of 50-70 million people.

When I returned to work later in the week, I met with a high school junior who was having stomach aches and problems sleeping. “I just feel overwhelmed right now,” he remarked. “The stress is unbearable. I need to get into a good college and everything depends on the grades I get in the next few weeks. My mom and dad have no understanding of the stress I’m feeling. I don’t know if I can handle it.”

I had a hard … Read More... “Three Things You Can Do To Eliminate Stress”

Feeling Guilty About Your Divorce?

guilt.jpgNo doubt, guilt is a big issue for many people going through a divorce.  I came across an interesting article on the subject at Divorce Transitions.  The author has opined that there are two separate stages:

Shock

We tend to think of “shock” as being sudden.  But the dictionary tells us it can be “a disturbance in the equilibrium or permanence of something” or “a sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance.”  Therapists confirm that shock need not have the suddenness of a lightning bolt.  You may have known for some time that your marriage was in trouble, but the final realization of the loss may still create a sense of shock.

Among the most common symptoms are extreme disorientation, numbness, difficulty with short-term memory, physical distress, and/or confusion.  As part of denial, the divorce-bound person may seek refuge in fantasy.  “He’s going to come in the front door this evening, and everything will be just like its always been.”  There’s comfort in the familiar. Denial provides a necessary buffer zone in which the unconscious prepares itself for the massive change ahead.

Guilt

Although both spouses may experience feelings of guilt, they do so at somewhat different times.  The … Read More... “Feeling Guilty About Your Divorce?”

When to Seek Professional Counseling and/or Therapy During a Divorce Proceeding

council.jpgBeing confronted with the fact that a divorce proceeding has been initiated can certainly be disconcerting and upsetting. As a former nurse and having primarily practiced divorce and family law for over twenty years, I would like to share some of my insights. While some parties may be knowledgeable that this action is taking place, other parties may be absolutely caught “off guard”, being unaware that anything was or is amiss. The fact that one party, either Husband or Wife, is placed on notice that a divorce proceeding has been initiated evokes many feelings and emotions. Many persons may need some assistance as they attempt to cope with the emotional roller-coaster they may be experiencing. If either party is having any or all of the following signs and/or symptoms, it may certainly be beneficial to seek some assistance from a family physician, psychologist, and/or counselor.

  1. Inability to sleep soundly and to get a good night’s sleep. If a person is not able to get to sleep and/or is not able to get six to eight hours of sleep per night, that person may begin to exhibit symptoms of sleep deprivation. A person who is sleep deprived will not be able
… Read More... “When to Seek Professional Counseling and/or Therapy During a Divorce Proceeding”

Divorce Cases Can Cause Emotional Explosions

emot.jpgDivorce cases can be emotionally devastating to the parties. As a family law attorney, I not only have to evaluate the facts and give sound advice to my client, but I need to use my best set of skills to assess the client’s emotional stability, support network, and anxiety level. Sometimes this is relatively easy and in other cases it is extremely tough.

I am writing about this topic after reflecting about the Dayton Daily News article on August 28, 2008, about the local Trotwood police detective who survived two gunshot wounds inflicted by his wife because she was upset that he was divorcing her. It is so sad that apparently her anger led her to take such an irrational and violent act. I have learned that reaction to a divorce can run the entire gamut, ranging from happiness, paralysis, anger, depression, revenge; and yes, even to murder or suicide. I often spend as much time in a client conference considering the emotional aspects of the client as the legal aspects. While lawyers may be well trained in the law, we are not psychologists or experts in evaluating a client’s mental health. But the more experience we gain as family … Read More... “Divorce Cases Can Cause Emotional Explosions”

Divorce Transition: What Happens To Our Friends Now?

dfriends.jpgTransition to one’s “new” life after the divorce can be stressful and difficult for many people. The level of that stress often is dependant upon the issues surrounding the divorce as well as the level of acrimony afterwards. Maintaining friends and keeping a support group is important psychologically for most people to help them move forward after the divorce. But, as many divorced individuals will tell you, this transitional process can be awkward and painful. If mutual friends of yours have gone through a divorce, you too know that post divorce interaction with each person can be a challenge.

If you are struggling with this situation, let me recommend that you take a minute to read an excellent article recently published in the Yuma Sun written by Bill Reed. Not only does he accurately capture much of the conflict involved, but he also includes insights from both the perspective of the divorced couple but also their friends. There are 13 “behavior rules” included that were suggested by Counselors Dee Ring Martz, Beth Lieberman and Robin Wall who share their professional advice to divorcing couples and their friends about how to maintain friendships through the transition.

… Read More... “Divorce Transition: What Happens To Our Friends Now?”

Improving Resiliency

Resiliency is a topic that I find myself discussing often with my divorce clients. I recently came across an interesting article on that subject which prompted this post. Resilience can de defined as the human ability to deal with, learn from, overcome and even be changed by the unfortunate but unavoidable adversities that life throws our way. Dr. Edith Grotberg, a developmental psychologist, has done extensive worldwide research on the subject of fostering resiliency. In a recent interview in the Palo Alto Daily News, Heath Matters: Resilience Can Be Improved Upon, by columnist L.J. Anderson, Dr. Grotberg stated that people are born with the capacity to be resilient, but the challenge should be to continually work to increase ones ability to be resilient so that when adversities present themselves, an individual is able to handle the situation.  She believes that the capacity for resilience can be strengthened in both adults and children.  She challenges parents and other resilient adults who work with children to help foster children’s resiliency.

Dr. Grotberg became interested in the study of resilience while teaching at the University for Women in Sudan, Africa. She was tired of having poor and less fortunate people being labeled … Read More... “Improving Resiliency”

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