Emotional Health Archives - Page 6 of 21

Are Divorce Lawyers Just “Love Undertakers”? [A Rebuttal]

Divorce Lawyers Should Not Assist Clients With Mental Health Issues Says NYC Attorney

A well respected New York City divorce lawyer by the name of Val Kleyman recently sent out a newswire to divorce lawyers warning them “to be careful not to cross over into the role of personal therapist for clients. This is a common problem that does not get enough attention” Attorney Kleyman said. He added, “helping someone deal with their emotions, feelings and mental health is a very serious undertaking and must only be done by professionals who are trained and experienced doing this.”

While I agree with most of that, here is the point he made that hit me hard. “Divorce lawyers are the love undertakers. Unlike marriage counselors and therapists whose job it is to save relationships and help people heal, our job is to bury dead marriages quickly and efficiently before their toxicity spreads any further,” says Kleyman.

WOW, I have to disagree with Attorney Kleyman a bit on this one. This seems far too limited of a view of our role as a divorce lawyer in my opinion. I have been practicing family law and divorce work in Dayton, Ohio for 40 years. … Read More... “Are Divorce Lawyers Just “Love Undertakers”? [A Rebuttal]”

How to Raise Grateful Children

Can Grateful Children Be Raised?

I work with a lot of unhappy kids, many of them grappling with tough situations-sexual abuse, domestic violence, or divorce. I try to help kids not to be victims of their past, but rather take control of their lives. I like the quote that you should “… never put the keys to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. ” Gratitude training is not only useful for these kids, but is a powerful parenting technique to help raise happy children.

Raising Grateful Children In Four Steps

I like the four-step model used in the “Raising Grateful Children” project at the University of North Carolina.

Notice. Wonderful things happen to us every day, but we often give them little attention. Think about a few nice things that happened to you today. Our lives are defined by daily acts of kindness and caring. Focusing on such experiences is this first step in developing a more grateful lifestyle.

This can be difficult for kids, many of whom are overwhelmed by past hurts. You can’t write a new chapter in your life if you remain consumed by yesterday’s tragedies. I ask youngsters to write down something good every day

Blast From The Past: Breaking Bad Habits: If Your Resolutions Are Slipping Away

Blast from the past 13 years Ohio Family Law Blog

PUBLISHERS NOTE: Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber penned this post back in 2014. It is still a good read about how to get life in balance and to do the things that we know we need to accomplish for our happiness. March is known unofficially as “Divorce” month. Typically, it is the month of the year in which the highest number of divorce cases are filed. If one of your New Year’s resolutions was to consider getting a divorce, come see at our Dayton law firm of Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues to discuss your rights and options. In any event, try to keep working on the resolutions geared at your well-being and happiness.

Don’t Let Your Resolutions Slip Away! Tips To Break Those Bad Habits

Research shows that most people have given up on their New Year’s Resolutions by the third week of January. Here are a couple of tips that might help you beat the odds and reach your goal.

Refocus – When the urge/craving comes on for that chocolate éclair, glass of wine, or fabulous new boots, refocusing your thoughts can go a long way in helping you slow down those urges. How does this work? Think of … Read More... “Blast From The Past: Breaking Bad Habits: If Your Resolutions Are Slipping Away”

Blast From The Past: Thoughts about Your Divorce Day

PUBLISHERS NOTE: Here is a classic from Connecticut Psychotherapist Donna Ferber, first published on the Ohio Family Law Blog on July 10, 2010. Her advice about surviving your final divorce court date is still right on target! Also, check her books and her website out at www.DonnaFerber.com

Survival Tips For Preparing For Your Day In Divorce Court

Just as each marriage is unique, so is each divorce. Your reaction to the final legal decree will vary from that of others going through this process. Your feelings will be based on your own special circumstances and will depend upon a number of factors:

How reconciled you are to the divorce.
How much time has passed between the filing of the original papers and the final day.
How much acrimony still exists with your spouse.
How much rebuilding of your own life you have already done.

Divorce Day can bring about a myriad of feelings, ranging from extreme sadness to exuberant joy to calm indifference. By knowing yourself and your own feelings about your situation, you can predict, to some degree, how you will feel.

Here are some tips for preparing for your day in divorce court:

Make a trial run

How to Navigate the Challenges that the Holidays can Bring

Do You Dread Holiday Celebrations And Family Gatherings?

It’s a time of year with many holiday celebrations and gatherings. These are joyous experiences for many, but a difficult time for others. Our lives are not like a Hallmark Channel story with freshly baked cookies, fake snow, and conflicts that always have happy endings.

We know that our happiness comes more from the people whom we love rather than the gifts that we get.

However, past hurts (whether real or imagined) may feel particularly intense right now, in marked contrast to the apparent happiness around us.

Here are some particularly challenging situations.

Divorce. Some kids tell me that they like the fact that their parents are divorced because they get twice as many gifts. Humor hides their pain. Most of them want what they will never get – their mom and dad back together again.

The best gift you can give your children is to develop a business-like relationship with your ex-spouse. You need not forget yesterday’s betrayal and pain. You just need to love your kids more than you dislike your ex-spouse, and put their needs above your anger and anguish.

Call your ex-spouse to work out the holiday visits,

Blast From The Past: Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!

Holidays Got Your Down?

PUBLISHERS NOTE: “Congratulations! We all made it through Thanksgiving. So, the mad dash of the holiday season is officially upon us. This sage advice from psychotherapist, Donna F. Ferber, from 2013 warrants a repost. Take a breath. Slow down. And just say “no”.”

A Guide to Happier Holidays: Replace HO–HO-HO with NO-NO-NO!

Well, the holiday hoopla is ramping up. Displays of sparkly red and green stuff has taken center stage in our stores, catalogues are arriving in droves, internet sites are offering deals, discounts and sales on every imaginable product. Magazines at the grocery checkout display unbelievable glossy covers of gorgeous people, in gorgeous houses, serving gorgeous food. Now with the sudden drop in temperature and the promise of snow this week, the reality that the holidays are descending on us is unavoidable.

It feels impossible to slow this down or simply get a grip. It is like being swept up in some tinselly tidal wave. I don’t want to shop yet; I still am cleaning out the garden! Yet, as the heat clicks on, and my sweaters and even gloves begin to take center stage, it cannot be denied. Here comes the holidays… Read More... “Blast From The Past: Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!”

Blast From The Past: Don’t Create Halloween Horrors for your Child!

PUBLISHERS NOTE: “Halloween can be very tricky for divorced parents. Here is some great advice from Psychotherapist Donna Ferber from way back in 2010. If you enjoy this article, you would love her book, “From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey Through Divorce” available on Amazon and Kindle. Also, check out her website, www.DonnaFerber.com.”

Make Your Child’s Halloween A Positive Experience Post Divorce

For many kids, Halloween is one of the most important holidays of the year. The child of divorce is faced with choices and concerns. Who will take me treat-or-treating? Who will get my costume and dress me? Where will I trick-or-treat?

Then, of course, there logistical problems for the divorced parents. By addressing these issues in advance, parents can reduce stress and not distract from the child’s positive experience. These include:

In two-parent homes, often one parent gives out candy while the other parent takes the child trick-or-treating. Now there is only one parent in the home. Do you stay and give out candy or do you go with your child?
Parents often do not specify in their divorce decree who “gets” the child on October 31. If it falls on a visitation day, some

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