Emotional Health Archives - Page 7 of 21

6 Things Parents Don’t Want to Hear About Their Children

I enjoy speaking with parents at workshops, most of which focus on issues such as using praise, time out, or selective attention. However, I’ve acquired a somewhat problematic habit over the years-saying things that turn off most of the audience.

It’s easy to talk about discipline techniques, but it’s tricky to openly discuss some uncomfortable realities about being a mom or dad. Here is my list of the top six things that are rarely well received.

Don’t make children your highest priority. It’s a serious mistake to make your children the center of your universe. You need to take better care of yourself and spend lots of time with your spouse. Is it essential to attend all of your kids’ sporting events or play performances? Mentally healthy kids learn about compromise and caring by seeing that their parents don’t put children on a pedestal and cater to their every whim.
You can’t control how your kids turn out. Most parents work hard and sacrifice many of their dreams to care for another life. You’d like to think that there is a relationship between what you do, and what you get. While parents have lots of influence, great parents can raise

The Hidden Advantages to Divorce When it comes to Kids

Shared Parenting Arrangement In Divorce Allows Parent To Be A Better Person And Better Parent To Their Kids

Divorce is generally bad for kids, and the effects are long-lasting. However, a mom recently explained a hidden advantage of divorce. Wouldn’t it be great to achieve this benefit without actually separating from your spouse? As with many married couples, life and romance changed with the arrival of three kids. Both parents were devoted to their children and did everything together. The dad didn’t simply help out with housework but saw it as a joint responsibility with his wife. This all seems pretty ideal, but it wasn’t.

In always doing things together as a family, this mom explained she never had any time for herself. She stopped doing yoga, meeting friends at Starbucks or retreating into the world of reading science fiction. After a while, the inevitable happened. This couple was great at parenting, but poor at taking care of themselves and each other.

Life changed dramatically for this mom after the divorce. In the shared parenting arrangement, she suddenly had lots of time for herself. This allowed her to be more attentive to her needs and become a better … Read More... “The Hidden Advantages to Divorce When it comes to Kids”

Divorce Study: Is There Support for The “Mars versus Venus” Theory?

emotional support informational support study

New Study Examines Differences Between Informational Support and Emotional Support

When John Gray wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, his primary message was that in relationships men are usually the problem solvers and women are usually the ones wanting more empathy and understanding. Many therapists were critical of Gray’s book written in 1992, citing lack of research for his conclusions about gender differences. However, studies about the differences between informational support and emotional support conducted by University of Maryland and Wyoming psychologists Lorenzo, Barry and Khalifian, support John Gray’s theory. Click here to read the study.

In their published report, the psychologists studied 114 couples female/male who were newlywed and in their first marriage. They were studying the differences between two types of support, emotional support and informational support. They were examining the type of support preferred by an individual vs. the support type he or she received to see how overproviding or underproviding of the two types of support affected the happiness of the individual in the marriage.

Study Reveals Emotional Support Preferred By Both Parties

The study found that men lean towards providing informational advice by trying to problem solve while women often … Read More... “Divorce Study: Is There Support for The “Mars versus Venus” Theory?”

Parenting with Dr. Ramey: 2017’s Best Quotes Say a Lot About Us

Here’s my annual list of the most noteworthy quotes from 2017.

“I believe I was made the way I am, all parts of me, by my heavenly parents. They did not mess up when they gave me brown eyes … or when they made me gay. God loves me just this way, because he loves all his creations“ affirmed 12-year-old Savannah to her Mormon congregation. It’s about time that we judge people on how they act, not on who they love. This youngster should be praised for her courage, not criticized for her feelings.
“Give extra, get extra. Sometimes the little things last the longest” This ad for gum is also a wonderful philosophy for life. Small things can have a big impact. Never underestimate the power of a kind word, a warm embrace, a genuine smile, or your mere presence. Every day is a new opportunity to put aside yesterday’s troubles and hurts, and show others the best part of who you are.
“We have witnessed first-hand the stress that overdue fines can cause for students,” said by Steven Beardsley, in explaining why Harvard students will no longer have to pay fines for late books. There may

Divorce: New Sesame Street Videos Help Kids Deal with Trauma

For decades, Sesame Street has played on TV’s across the country, teaching children their ABC’s and 123’s, while also broadening their vocabulary, and increasing other academic skills. But now, Sesame Street is focused on another issue: helping children cope with traumatic experiences.

Children and Traumatic Experiences

A study conducted in 2016 found that nearly half of the children in the United States have experienced at least one traumatic or stressful event, including the death of a loved one, abuse, and divorce. The study also found that 1 in 5 of these children has experienced these events on more than one occasion. Click here to read the study.

How Can Sesame Street Help Children With Traumatic Experiences?

Children who experience traumatic experiences are more likely to develop posttraumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and even substance abuse. Early exposure to traumatic events affects the neurodevelopment of a child, which changes the way that they respond to stress and other experiences. According to the Department of Psychiatry at Saint Vincent’s Hospital in New York, “exposure to trauma also affects children’s ability to regulate, identify, and express emotions, and may have a negative effect on the way that a child views … Read More... “Divorce: New Sesame Street Videos Help Kids Deal with Trauma”

Why are Kids so Afraid of Being Real with their Parents?

Something I say to kids typically strikes terror in their hearts—“maybe that’s something you should discuss with your mom and dad.” My advice is often met with fear and rejection.

Within the emotional security of my office, children learn to trust and reveal what they are really thinking and feeling. They don’t have to worry about being punished or hurting my feelings.

They freely talk about their perceptions of not being good enough to live up to the expectations of their parents. Others discuss their resentment towards siblings or intense feelings of loneliness. Kids are acutely aware of marital problems, and they share the terrible anxiety of wondering if and when their parents will separate.

Adolescents typically discuss their fears about fitting in and figuring out relationships. Self-doubts overwhelm them, even if they appear well-adjusted and confident. Their outer persona rarely matches their inner life.

I’m glad that these kids feel safe to discuss such issues in therapy, but my job is to make myself unnecessary. I coach kids how to get support from others rather than to develop a dependency on a therapist.

Why are kids so afraid of being real with their parents?

My parents won’t understand. Many

Parenting with Dr. Ramey: 6 of the Best, Most Inspiring Quotes

In addition to collecting baseball cards, I started writing down favorite quotes when I was in elementary school. My mom “cleaned out” (i.e., threw away) my cards when I went to college, but I’ve continued to collect the inspirational perspectives from others.

My collection has changed over the years. I’ve deleted “feel good” quotes that didn’t make any sense. Peter Pan’s admonition that “Anything is possible if you wish hard enough” falls into that category. Here are some of my favorites.

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” (William Ward) Our happiness is less dependent upon what happens to us, and more related to how we adjust to minor frustrations and serious traumas. Therapy is about learning how to “adjust the sails” to deal with life.
“Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” (Dr. Seuss) Many parents feel overwhelmed by the challenges of getting through the day, and fail to appreciate the fleeting joys of family life. I encourage families, both parents and children, to take a few moments to reflect upon the many good things they experience every day.
“If you’ve done

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