Should You Divorce Your Own Children?

parent child divorceFor most parents, raising children is one of the most important and meaningful parts of their lives. In response to our unconditional love and total commitment, we get hugs, laughter, challenges and a sense of purpose and passion.

However, for a very small number of parents, children are a burden to be tolerated rather than a blessing to be experienced. These youngsters typically have a variety of severe emotional and behavior problems, usually beginning in preschool. Parents have usually sought help from a myriad of professionals over many years, with little success. They eventually discover the uncomfortable truth that despite our best efforts, there are some children that professionals don’t know how to help.

In a moment of terrifying honesty, these parents tell me they feel more loathing than love for their child.

Early in my career, I dismissed such feelings as reflective of ineffective parents. All would be fine if only parents would set clear rules, be consistent in their discipline, and adjust their style to meet the special needs of their children.

I was wrong. I’ve learned over the years that good parents can raise bad kids.

I’ve now changed my approach in working with these families. While … Read More... “Should You Divorce Your Own Children?”

Why Do Parents Pay a Happiness Tax?

Happiness Tax Highest In United States

happiness taxResearch over the past 40 years has generally suggested that adults with children are less happy than nonparents.

Dr. Jennifer Glass studied the happiness of parents and nonparents in 22 industrialized countries. She discovered that overall Americans rated their happiness as among the highest of any country, second only to Finland in a soon to be published study in the American Journal of Sociology.

However, Americans also reported the highest parenting-happiness tax among all of the countries in her study. Being a parent in America is more likely to result in a greater drop in happiness than in any other of the 22 countries. Parenting is tough, but why is it more so in America than elsewhere? The researchers looked at a variety of social policies related to parenting, and have suggested an interesting insight into understanding the problems of American parents. They concluded that “…the more generous family policies, particularly paid time off and childcare subsidies are associated with smaller disparities in happiness between parents and nonparents.”

Parents Imposing Happiness Tax On Themselves

It makes sense the pressures of parenting can be mitigated by allowing moms and dads more flexibility in their work … Read More... “Why Do Parents Pay a Happiness Tax?”

Do you Believe in Magic?

magic believeSome weeks ago, I tuned into an NPR radio interview with Penn and Teller, those amazing magicians/entertainers who have for decades defied logic and fooled us with their brilliant illusions.

What caught my interest was the oddity of the interview. The dynamic duo of Penn and Teller were being interviewed separately. This intrigued me as I wondered how NPR would handle empty radio air space if the usually silent Raymond Teller continued to be mute.

Luckily, he did not. And among the thought provoking things he had to say was this, “Nothing fools you better than the lie you tell yourself.” Of course, he was talking about magic. But I was thinking about denial. It never occurred to me before that moment that magic has so much in common with denial. The point of intersection is simple-We WANT to believe.

We know when something is “off”; maybe we can’t see it, but we feel it. And we ignore that feeling; we do this when watching a magic show as the illusion entertains us. We collude with the magicians on stage. We want to be fooled. Just for a while we want to believe in magic! We know the woman is … Read More... “Do you Believe in Magic?”

Why You Should Think Twice Before Posting A Photo of Your Child

post photo childWe often agonize about the technology expectations we have for our kids, but what rules do our children want for us?

When kids between the ages of 10 to 17 were asked that question, their highest priority was that we “be present” when we are with them. Children wanted a rule that there would be “no technology at all in a certain social contact: Pay attention/put down the phone when your child is trying to tell you something important,” according to research just published by Alexis Hinker and associates.

The second most important rule from our kids was that we “Don’t post anything about me without asking me.” “Twice as many children as parents expressed concerns about family members oversharing personal information about them on Facebook and other social media without permission,” said co-author Sarita Schoenebeck.

Do children have a right to privacy?

A California law went into effect in 2015 gives minors an electronic eraser button. They can delete any post made in social media, and sites like Facebook must clearly inform kids how that can be done. However, this only applies to what is posted by kids, not what adults post about their children.

Should you seek your … Read More... “Why You Should Think Twice Before Posting A Photo of Your Child”

Divorce Research Shows Children Suffer No Real, Long-Term Effects of Divorce

Important Steps Parents Can Take To Minimize Negative Side-Effects Of Divorce For Their Children

divorceDivorce can be earth-shattering for everyone, but arguably no one suffers more than the children involved. That being said, while divorce has proven to have devastating impact on these young people at the time, some research now suggests that these children do not experience long-term side-effects.

In an article in Scientific American Mind, authors Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld acknowledge that while divorce is often extremely trying for children, studies show that as these children become adults, few experience lasting, serious effects.

While the divorce is occurring, and even in the period following, it is typical for kids to experience anxiety, anger, depression, shock, etc. However, Arkowitz and Lilienfeld argue that all of these negative effects are short-lived. In support of this, they point to a study conducted by sociologist, Paul R. Amato.  Amato’s research followed kids whose parents divorced during childhood, into their adolescence and teenage years.  He then compared those children to others whose family remained intact.  The results showed that there were relatively few differences between the two groups of children.  Ultimately, those with divorced parents typically recovered quickly and handled … Read More... “Divorce Research Shows Children Suffer No Real, Long-Term Effects of Divorce”

5 Things You Should Never Say in Front of Your Kids

dissolution divorceArguing in front of your kids can be healthy. Your children know that there are times when conflicts occur in any relationship. When tensions exist, telling your spouse that “we’ll talk about this later in private” may evoke more anxiety than relief with kids.

Children pay close attention to how their parents argue. This is an opportunity to demonstrate how disagreements can be discussed without being disagreeable. This is when kids learn about how to listen empathetically, reflect another’s point of view, search for compromises and respect different perspectives.

Regardless of the age of your child, avoid saying any of the following in front of your kids.

  1. “I hate being married to you.” This creates all kinds of unease in kids, whose lives depend upon your caring and commitment. The thought that parents may separate causes children to worry about school, friendships, activities and losing one of their parents.
  2. “Sometimes I wish I was dead.” This type of emotional outburst has an even greater effect than divorce, as it can stimulate anxiety about a permanent and traumatic loss for kids. Even the thought that a parent may intentionally kill themselves causes horrendous distress in kids. If you are permanently gone,
Read More... “5 Things You Should Never Say in Front of Your Kids”

7 False Inspirational Quotes…

false inspirational quotesDr. Gregory Ramey never sugar coats it. He has kindly allowed the Ohio Family Law Blog to repost many of his articles pertinent to our readership since 2007. So, you may ask, why post this one? Well, the answer is simple. I agree 100% with him! Another example of him being spot-on in my mind. Life is tough and it doesn’t come with training-wheels or rose colored glasses.

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Inspirational quotes, intended to motivate or encourage, are often nothing more than psychological gibberish masquerading as profound truths. They sound nice, but mean nothing.

  • “If you dream it, you can do it.” I love Mickey Mouse, but this assertion by Walt Disney is silly. Dreams accomplish nothing. Disney’s achievements were built upon talent, persistence and hard work.
  • “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment,” proclaimed Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of my favorite writers. There are lots of these “be yourself” quotes around, all of them misleading and juvenile. What does it mean to be yourself? There are times we are selfish, mean and narcissistic. Living is all about trying to contain our negative sides and live in a loving
Read More... “7 False Inspirational Quotes…”
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