“How often do parents cheat on each other?” asked 16-year-old Jason during one of our recent sessions.
There was an uncomfortable silence for several moments. I knew this was going to be extremely difficult for Jason to handle, so I started by providing him with some facts about marital infidelity.
I told him that it was impossible to really know the answer to his question, as people are reluctant to be truthful. However, experts estimate that anywhere from 30 to 60 percent of married people have sexual relationships with someone other than their spouses.
“Do they usually get divorced once it’s discovered?” he asked.
“Not always,” I responded. “About 30 to 50 percent of the time, marriages can survive in spite of this serious problem.” He seemed reassured by my answer.
There are typically concerns behind such questions. Jason eventually told me that he had read an e-mail on his dad’s computer describing in graphic detail the sexual contact that had apparently been going on between his dad and a female friend.
Jason was emotionally traumatized after reading this letter. He felt angry at his dad, but Jason also was extremely confused about what if anything to say to his … Read More... “Should Teen Expose Dad’s Infidelity?”
Consistently, one of my favorite blogs is Michael Mastracci’s Divorce Without Dishonor Blog. Mike is an excellent attorney from Baltimore, Maryland. His own difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to his personal interest in collaborative family law. Both attorneys and clients should include his blog on their frequent read list. Mike regularly espouses ethical, moral and philosophical standards that we should aspire to meet. I have personally and professionally been a proponent of child welfare issues for over 30 years. So, when I read his recent post about 
Would my kids be better off if I got a divorce” is one of the toughest questions I have been asked in therapy. I try to help parents work through this complicated question. The answer has lifelong implications for the entire family.
I am pleased that Donna Ferber, a psychotherapist and a frequent contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog has agreed to co-author this article with me! Our goal is to present both the legal and emotional perspectives of a trend that we are seeing in our professional practices: long term marriages ending by divorce when the wife has come to the conclusion that she has just “had enough” and that the husband is seemingly caught “blindsided” by the situation. The intent of the article is not a male versus female point and counterpoint, but rather a collaborative discourse that can provide insight into the complexity of the issues.
One of my all time favorite family law blogs is Updates in Michigan Family Law written by Attorney Jeanne M. Hannah. I read her posts every week even though thinking about Michigan gives me a twinge of pain as a “Buckeye”. Nonetheless, her posts are always informative and excellent! She recently posted on a topic that I felt would be of interest to our readers, especially since our law office is only a few miles from Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. With Jeanne’s kind permission, I have republished her article below.
I generally begin my articles for our Family Blog Web Site with a definition of the topic or subject that I am addressing, and this month’s article will not deviate from that practice. Finance is defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary as being “the science of managing money”. And, Financial Planner is defined by Wikipedia as “a practicing professional who helps people deal with various personal financial issues through proper planning, which includes but is not limited to these major areas: cash flow management, education planning, estate planning, investment planning, risk management and insurance planning, tax planning, estate planning and business succession planning (for business owners). The work engaged in by this professional is commonly known as personal financial planning. In carrying out the planning function, he or she is guided by the financial planning process to create a financial plan – a detailed strategy tailored to a client’s specific situation, for meeting a client’s specific goals.”
It’s a misconception that when parents divorce it doesn’t affect adult children. It is important to remember that our children may be adults (and even may have experienced divorce themselves), but they are still children of both parents. In going through divorce, many parents “lean” on their children, making them into confidantes and, sometimes, surrogate spouses. Children, even adult children, are uncomfortable with details of their parents’ personal life. Confiding to a child about a parent’s indiscretions puts the child in a no-win situation. Many of the adult children I have spoken with say that they are shocked and angry by their parents’ behavior. But as the child, they continue to want the relationship. Giving adult children inappropriate information puts them in a quandary – how to have a relationship with a parent who may have behaved terribly in marriage without feeling disloyal to the other parent? Children are entitled to have a relationship with each parent that is not based on that parent’s performance as a spouse.