Do I Matter As a Parent? A Child Psychologist Shares Some Good News!

do_i_matter_as_a_parent.jpgParenting is a challenging job. The physical, emotional, and financial demands seem endless. It feels as if we are always sacrificing what we want for the sake of our kids. Our dreams get delayed and often denied, as we usually put our kids as the highest priority in our lives.

We do this willingly, not only for the satisfaction that comes from raising children, but also from the anticipation that what we do today will echo well into the future. We are the most important influence in how our kids turn out, aren’t we? Children are the message we send to an unknown future, and it’s worth all of the work and frustration to help our children develop into moral, loving, and productive people.

Raising kids gets really tough when you have that nagging feeling that what you do may not really matter all that much. As we learn more about genetics, it appears that so much of how our kids develop is due more to chromosomes and genotype rather than our love and discipline. By the time our kids are preteens, we often feel helpless as we realize we are fighting a battle against cultural influences that we cannot … Read More... “Do I Matter As a Parent? A Child Psychologist Shares Some Good News!”

Can My Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?

child_parent_live_with.jpgOnce upon a time in Ohio the answer was “yes”. But not any longer. There is much misinformation on the internet about this subject. So, I thought that a review of the child custody laws over the years might be both helpful and interesting. There has been movement away over the years from allowing a child to choose in a divorce which parent to live with. These past “age of election” laws were seen as placing too much pressure on children.

Title VI, Chapter 3, Section 8033 from the Ohio Annotated General Code of 1910 allowed children as young as 10 years old to choose their custodial parent:

“…the court shall decide which one of them (parents) shall have the care, custody….except that, if such children be ten years of age or more, they must be allowed to choose which parent they prefer to live with, unless the parent so selected…be unfitted to take charge of such children…”

Chapter 3109 of the Ohio Revised Code was enacted on January 1, 1974, which states in part:

“(A) Upon hearing the testimony of either or both parents and in accordance with sections 3109.21 to 3109.36 of the Revised Code, the court Read More... “Can My Child Choose Which Parent to Live With?”

The “New” and “Improved” Montgomery County Standard Order of Parenting Time

summer_vacation_standard_parenting_time.jpgOn July 1, 2011, the Domestic Relations Court of Montgomery County, Ohio adopted a “new” and “revised” Standard Order of Parenting Time, previously known as the Standard Order of Visitation.  Over the years, our elected officials in Columbus, Ohio have chosen to “rename” terms frequently used in the Domestic Relations Court.  The phrase “parenting time” replaces the older word of “visitation”, and, the term “parental rights and responsibilities” replaces the older word of “custody”.  It should be noted that with each change in legislation, the older or former terms have been replaced with longer names or phrases!

I have practiced Family Law for over twenty years.  Until recently, the Standard Order of Parenting Time, fka Standard Order of Visitation, provided for the non-custodial or non-residential parent to have five (5) weeks (35 days) of visitation or parenting time each summer.  Additionally, if the non-residential parent submitted to the custodial parent his/her request for summer parenting time between the dates of March 1 and April 1 of each year, the non-custodial parent was to have preference as to the summer parenting time schedule.

The most striking change in the “new” Standard Order of Parenting Time involves Item 8 entitled “Summer Vacation”.  … Read More... “The “New” and “Improved” Montgomery County Standard Order of Parenting Time”

Establishing Paternity in Ohio – An Overview

establish_paternity.jpgThe concept of “paternity” refers to the process of going to court to establish a legal relationship between a father and his child.  The process exists because society has created laws to make sure that children are supported by their own biological parents whenever possible.  A paternity action will help determine who should be paying for that support and how much they should be paying.  In Ohio, a paternity action will only apply to a mother and father who were never married  because any child born during a marriage is presumed to be the husband’s legal child.  Paternity actions between unmarried people are typically heard in a county’s juvenile court.

Who can file for paternity?

In Ohio, the only people who can bring an action to establish paternity are the mother of a child, the alleged father of that child, the child (or a representative of the child), or the Child Support Enforcement Agency in the county where the child resides (if the mother, alleged father or guardian of the child is receiving public assistance on behalf of the child).  A grandparent or other relative cannot file a paternity suit.

Why should someone establish paternity?

Paternity helps to protect both … Read More... “Establishing Paternity in Ohio – An Overview”

Why Selecting One Court Over Another Could Be Important In Your Dissolution

timeismoney.jpgIn order to terminate a marriage in the State of Ohio via a divorce proceeding, the party seeking to terminate the marriage must meet certain requirements as to residence of the parties.  By law, if a party is seeking a divorce from the other party in Ohio, one of the parties must have been a resident of the State of Ohio for more than six (6) months and a resident of a particular County for more than ninety (90) days preceding the filing of the Complaint for Divorce.  By contrast, if the parties in a marriage seek to terminate their marriage by a dissolution proceeding, one of the parties must have been a resident of the State of Ohio for more than six (6) months before filing their Petition for Dissolution of Marriage.  By statute, Ohio Revised Code (“ORC”) Section 3105.62 reflects the following language:

“One of the spouses in an action for dissolution of marriage shall have been a resident of the state for at least six months immediately before filing the petition. . . .”

The difference in the jurisdictional requirements for filing a Complaint for Divorce versus filing a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage in Ohio provides … Read More... “Why Selecting One Court Over Another Could Be Important In Your Dissolution”

Tips to Help Avoid the Summer Parenting Blues…

Summers can be a difficult time for parents separated from their children for extended periods of time.  Ann Dunnewold, Ph.D., author of Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box, gave the following tips to Parenting magazine about ways to keep in contact with children away from home during the summer:

  1. Use your cell phone. Although the idea of entrusting a cellular device to your 6-year old (never mind kids younger than that) is appalling to many parents, allowing a child to have access to his or her mother or father’s voice is a simple and effective way to stay connected.  If the babysitter or another parent is with the child while you are not, simply ask them to cooperate and lend the child their phone.  A study conducted at University of Wisconsin-Madison shows that girls who talked to their mothers via phone felt calmer and happier as those whose mothers were physically available for hugs.  Hearing a parent’s voice lowers a child’s cortisol (stress hormone) and released oxytocin, a hormone associated with physical contact. 
  2. Make a recording. If you know you’re going to be stuck in a closed conference all day, make a recording of yourself reading your
Read More... “Tips to Help Avoid the Summer Parenting Blues…”

Parents Can Experience Disconnect From Children

child_disconnect.jpgYour decision to create life was born in the unrestrained optimism that having children would help make your existence worthwhile. Perhaps you came from a wonderful family and wanted to give to others the gifts of love, compassion and happiness. Maybe your own childhood was not pleasant, and you wanted children to help make up for an upbringing that was filled more with distress than delight.

You did all the right things. You found a spouse that was not only a great person but also someone you felt would be a superb parent. You waited until you were financially secure, and prepared yourself by reading endless articles and talking with your friends.

However, when you actually did have your first child, you came to an uneasy insight that many parents feel but are reluctant to verbalize — raising children takes more work and you get less satisfaction than you anticipated.

For some parents, there is yet another dilemma. They are not emotionally connected to their child. Perhaps you rarely hear from your son in college. Maybe you feel you have absolutely nothing in common with your 8-year-old daughter and find work more rewarding than she is.

Perhaps you are counting … Read More... “Parents Can Experience Disconnect From Children”

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