relationship issues Archives - Ohio Family Law Blog

Marriage: Better the Second Time Around?

Is Marriage Better the Second Time Around? Or, Are Second Marriages More Successful than First Marriages?

Many years ago, a singing icon and legend, Frank Sinatra, released a song entitled “The Second Time Around”…..its words begin as follows—“Love is lovelier the second time around; Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground; It’s that second time you hear your love song sung……..Makes you think perhaps that love, like you, is wasted on the young”…he goes on to praise the greatness of second-time relationships. But, what are the facts about second marriages? Do they fare well or do they fare poorly?

On September 15, 2011, Lisa Helfend Meyer posted an article entitled, “Second Marriage for Better or Worse”. The author and family law attorney stated that while 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce, the failure rate is even higher for second marriages with 60 percent ending in divorce.

While one would think that the individual having one failed marriage would be more cautious, more careful, more selective in choosing a new mate, research studies reflect that most divorced individuals become lonely and needy and want to be back in a relationship. Hence, … Read More... “Marriage: Better the Second Time Around?”

Kids: Biggest Threat to Your Marriage

Dayton, Ohio, Psychologist Explains 3 Key Things to Keep Couples Happy

dayton ohio marriage kids biggest threat The birth of your first child is not only an event to be cherished but a stage of life to be feared. Children represent a severe threat to your relationship with your spouse.

Kids have a negative impact on most marriages. Research has clearly documented that marital tension and arguments increase significantly after the birth of your first child. Marital satisfaction declines as parents grapple with the dilemma of trying to raise a child while working, being a good spouse, and maintaining some sense of individual identity.

These negative effects are not inevitable, according to research published by Alyson Shapiro and John Gottman in the 2005 Journal of Family Communications. By studying the one-third of marriages that do well in spite of children, these researchers were able to identify the three key things done by happy couples.

The 3 Key Things to Keep Couples Happy:

Stay friends. Marriages survive and flourish when partners stay best friends with each other. This isn’t easy once you take on the intense and never-ending responsibilities of parenthood. There are many times when children must be our first priority, resulting in placing the needs

Parents Can Experience Disconnect From Children

Your decision to create life was born in the unrestrained optimism that having children would help make your existence worthwhile. Perhaps you came from a wonderful family and wanted to give to others the gifts of love, compassion and happiness. Maybe your own childhood was not pleasant, and you wanted children to help make up for an upbringing that was filled more with distress than delight.

You did all the right things. You found a spouse that was not only a great person but also someone you felt would be a superb parent. You waited until you were financially secure, and prepared yourself by reading endless articles and talking with your friends.

However, when you actually did have your first child, you came to an uneasy insight that many parents feel but are reluctant to verbalize — raising children takes more work and you get less satisfaction than you anticipated.

For some parents, there is yet another dilemma. They are not emotionally connected to their child. Perhaps you rarely hear from your son in college. Maybe you feel you have absolutely nothing in common with your 8-year-old daughter and find work more rewarding than she is.

Perhaps you are counting … Read More... “Parents Can Experience Disconnect From Children”

What and How to Tell Your Children About Your Divorce

One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.

Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:

If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
Tell them close to the time that one of the parents is planning to move out. Telling them months in advance doesn’t “prepare them.” It will only make them anxious and worried.
Tell them calmly.
Keep it age appropriate. Don’t give them information that is over their heads.
Keep it short and sweet.
Explain that divorce is between the adults and that parents do not divorce children.
Ask for

Looking to Build a Stronger Relationship?

Unlike many family law blogs which just share divorce information, we take a much broader view of “family law” and try to provide positive helpful information to readers about ways to help keep marriages together. Clearly, marriage is an important public and social good, associated with a broad array of positive outcomes for adults, children, and the community as a whole. Divorce proceedings should never be initiated lightly! All relationships have “ups and downs” that can sometimes be very difficult to navigate.

Marriage Works! Ohio offers an extensive range of programs and services throughout Shelby, Miami, Montgomery, Greene, Butler and Warren counties. This collaborative effort of faith-based and community organizations, including Elizabeth’s New Life Center, has been operating for 3 years. Recently, it was recognized by the Department of Health and Human Services as one of the 8 most promising programs for marriage education in the country! Their mission is to demonstrate ways to increase knowledge of basic relationship skills, communication skills, commitment to the relationship, and positive conflict resolution among adults and teenagers. Most of their classes are free of charge. Classes are small, usually with only 10 to 20 couples. Workshops and classes range in length from only … Read More... “Looking to Build a Stronger Relationship?”

Online Assessment Tools – Do You Think You Might Have a Problem?

Here is a list of links to various online assessment tools that might be valuable for those interested in learning where they might score in areas that can frequently impact a marriage. Originally, I just intended to post an online depression assessment tool since many people going through a divorce suffer from some degree of depression. But once I started on the project, as you can see, the list kept growing. Here they all are:

Additionally, if these assessment tools are not what you are looking for, consider checking out my previous post, “Divorce Calculator – We have an App for That.” Economist, Betsey Stevenson, from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School in Philadelphia, developed the calculator based upon a recent study which has shown that the … Read More... “Online Assessment Tools – Do You Think You Might Have a Problem?”

An Experienced Family Law Attorney – PRICELESS!

Gordon Gibb recently wrote an excellent article for lawyersandsettlements.com about the importance of hiring an experienced divorce lawyer. He lasers in on the topic with his opening sentences. “If there ever was a more important role for lawyers and litigation professionals, it is in family law. Corporate law, environmental law, even real estate law has nuthin’ on the complexities and the drama that explodes from divorce petitions, custody battles-even who gets to keep the family dog”. He concludes with “Experts suggest that if your relationship looks as though it is coming apart and you’re considering divorce, the best couple of hundred bucks you’ll ever spend is by sitting down with a reputable family law firm for a consultation. In an hour, the family attorneys can give you a pretty good idea of what you might be in for, what the dynamic, the payout and the cost, the likely custody arrangement, and in a nutshell what kind of life you’re going to have at the end of it all. It may not be pretty, and after hearing the hard facts you might think twice about dissolving your relationship, and try to patch it up instead.”

If unfortunately you find you … Read More... “An Experienced Family Law Attorney – PRICELESS!”