Exposing The Eight Most Common Arguments For Not Attending Twelve Step Programs
As an alcohol and drug abuse counselor, I work with many people who are struggling with addiction or substance abuse. Whether you are the one struggling or you have a loved one who is battling the disease, I always recommend a Twelve Step Program. Unfortunately, I am almost always met with resistance. Much of that resistance comes from misconceptions about what Twelve Step Programs are all about, so I will address some of the biggest myths here. These are the eight most common arguments I hear for not attending Twelve Step meetings. (For brevity and clarity, I am using the terms alcoholic and addict interchangeably. When I use the terms “alcohol” or “drugs”, you can substitute any addiction- including gambling. pornography, prescription or illicit drugs.)
- Twelve Step Programs are a cult or religion. I know this because they all meet in churches and are very secretive.
False. Twelve Step Programs meet in other places besides churches. They look for inexpensive or free space to hold their meetings. They have no religious affiliation. There is no “secrecy” but rather anonymity. Many feel embarrassed or shameful because of the behavior
Thanksgiving marks the official beginning of the holiday season. Although usually less fraught with anxiety than Christmas, if it is the first “big holiday” since your estrangement from your spouse, you may be dreading the day. It also may be your first holiday without your children.
The dissolution of their marriage offers the opportunity for each partner to stand up for themselves in a way they had not before. Bravo! Finding your voice and learning assertiveness skills can create better relationships with others while assisting you in getting what you need.
Jane was married for twenty five years. Her husband filed for divorce, and Jane struggled to understand what happened. “Disappointed,” was Jane’s response when I queried as to how she felt. Over and over she spoke of her disappointment.
“I am in the divorce process up to my elbows. I have paperwork for my lawyer, deadlines for my job, parent conferences for my kids, friends coming for dinner. I have a birthday party to plan, a lawn to mow, a dog with fleas. I haven’t slept more than five hours a night for months. My grey hairs are coming in with a vengeance and my skin is breaking out. Most of the food in my refrigerator looks like science experiments. I have no idea of world events, latest movies, or current songs. I have to get my kids to soccer practice, karate and guitar lessons. I have grocery shopping, vet appointments, orthodontics appointments, child therapy appointments, ob-gyn appointments. I have appointments with my lawyer, my accountant, my therapist. I have appointments with my children’s lawyers and therapists. I even have an appointment to sit down and talk with my soon to be ex- husband about vacation schedules! I need to get the house painted. The car is making a clanking noise of undeterminable origin. The dishwasher is leaking. My kids came home with head lice. The dog vomited … 
Frequently, a spouse is incredulous at their partner’s behavior during divorce. Why do we expect people to be on their best behavior during divorce? Does anyone actually behave better under stress? If you had a tendency to anxiety in your marriage, you are probably climbing the walls. If your spouse was controlling during the marriage, then s/he is probably exhibiting dictator-like characteristics. And if either of you had a tendency toward alcohol or drug abuse or domestic violence of any kind, then you can expect those frightening behaviors to escalate.
For those of you who follow our blog, you already know that local child psychologist Dr. Greg Ramey is a frequent contributor. Dr. Ramey is the vice president for outpatient services at Dayton Children’s and writes FamilyWise, a weekly