7 Steps For You to Take That Can Make Your Life After Divorce A Life You Love Again
Divorce is rarely easy. It marks the end of something you thought would last forever – through thick and thin. And when your dreams are destroyed, moving forward from the destruction can be really, really hard. What you need to know first is you’re not alone. Struggling with life after divorce is pretty common.
If fact, at least 50% of everyone who divorces struggles with moving on with their lives. I know this because there’s usually one spouse who decides divorce is the answer while the other wants to work on the marriage. And, as you know, it only takes one to make the decision to divorce.
However, not everyone who decides divorce is the answer to the problems in their marriage finds it easy to move on with their life. Many of the deciders struggle with life after divorce too.
So, if you’re struggling with your life after divorce, you also need to know that you can get through it. You can create a new life for yourself that feels good. And, yes, you can be genuinely happy again.
I Want To Enjoy Life And Be Happy, But How Do I Get There?
The effort to get ahead, enjoy your life, and be happy can, at times, feel like being trapped on a destinationless hamster wheel. When it comes to that simple quest, we’re all pretty much the same.
And yet, for all those years of self-help books and Oprah-in-the-afternoons, happiness can still seem frustratingly elusive.
The Dalai Lama makes it all sound so simple, so matter of fact: The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
Well, isn’t that special? your mind may quip with an eye roll. I have ten children, three mortgages, two jobs, and no car. When do I have time to enjoy my life?
Everyone comes with a story. And everyone can be rendered miserable or unconditionally happy because – and regardless – of that story.
Joy is your birthright. It’s the unburdened, uncorrupted state of your being when you enter this world. You have no attachment to malice or the seemingly insurmountable requisites of living a responsible, adult life.
But life has its ways, doesn’t it? It delivers unavoidable disappointments, exhaustive demands, no-win choices, and inevitable loss.
PUBLISHERS’S NOTE:Last week I introduced the concept of a “Divorce Coach” to our readers. Here is an interesting article written by Divorce Coach Dr. Karen Finn. She has a terrific website at www.drkarenfinn.com. Let me know your thoughts about her insights! I am hoping you want to read more as she has graciously agreed to be a regular guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog.
Rebuilding Your Life After A Painful Dissolution – Must Read Tips On How To Make Life Better After Divorce!
The process of divorce — the lead-up, the decision, the legal circus — is often more about getting out of unhappiness than stepping into happiness. Being able to say, “My life got better after divorce” may be a long time coming. But holding onto that vision can fuel your healing and progress.
If you’re the one initiating the split, you may be driven by the hope of a happier life after the divorce. You may be making plans in your daydream hours, if only to give yourself energy through a difficult and draining process.
A Divorce Coach Can Help Both Pre-Divorce, During The Divorce, And Afterwards
Divorce Coach Vs. Traditional Therapists, Which One Is Right For You?
I have been a strong supporter my entire career of encouraging clients to obtain counseling as they go through the divorce process. Over the years, I have worked with various psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists, counselors and therapists. I like the positives that these professionals bring to the case and it is usually quite beneficial collaborating with a multi-disciplinary team. As their divorce lawyer, I will guide them through the maze of legal issues and “traps” as they journey through the divorce process. Depending upon the case, I will admit that the “emotional side” requires a different type of support. Recently, I have worked with several Client’s who have had “divorce coaches” assist them instead of receiving help from traditional therapists. In light of this available option, I thought I would share more about “divorce coaching”.
PUBLISHER’S NOTE:Thinking that it is almost Valentine’s Day, I remembered this post from February 14, 2009 and decided to go back and reread it. The content is still appropriate so long as folks apply the standard pandemic precautions we are all use to such as wearing masks and social distancing. The concept of everyone showing kindness to those around us is certainly needed, especially with everything going on in today’s world.
Newly Divorced On Valentine’s? Do Something Special For Yourself Instead!
Valentine’s Day is the start of the busy season for Dayton divorce lawyers. Many couples wait until after the holidays and it gives them time to file their taxes “jointly” and receive a larger refund. It also can be a reckoning day when people decide that they deserve better.
While romance abounds with cupid’s magic for some, it also can be a difficult time for many divorced individuals who don’t have a valentine to share it with.
Here are some tips from Jennifer McCarron and Eugene Kayser,licensed family therapists from Abington, Pennsylvania:
Ignore the holiday
Think about Valentine’s Day like a holiday for a religion you do not celebrate. Simply decide you are not participating in the
PUBLISHER’S NOTE:What is the best way to tell children about their parents divorcing? This is a frequent question I am asked. I can’t tell you how many times over the years that I have sent clients a link to this 2010 article from Connecticut Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber. Surely sage advice for all times!
One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.
Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:
If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
PUBLISHER’S UPDATE:Here is another great post about the role FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) plays out in daily and family life It is written by Donna F. Ferber from back on February 28th, 2015! Donna is a psychotherapist in private practice for 30 years in Farmington, Connecticut. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an educator. In her private practice, Donna specializes in issues related to life transitions and has been a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2010. We have enjoyed collaborating on several articles over the years. We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!
The Role FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) Plays Out In Daily and Family Life
Technology has created a glut of new words and expressions. It also has “repurposed” old words; a mouse is no longer just a rodent in my basement. A crash is not a vehicular accident, a chip is not just used for scooping up onion dip and a pad is not just a monthly required feminine product.