PUBLISHER’S NOTE:Thinking that it is almost Valentine’s Day, I remembered this post from February 14, 2009 and decided to go back and reread it. The content is still appropriate so long as folks apply the standard pandemic precautions we are all use to such as wearing masks and social distancing. The concept of everyone showing kindness to those around us is certainly needed, especially with everything going on in today’s world.
Newly Divorced On Valentine’s? Do Something Special For Yourself Instead!
Valentine’s Day is the start of the busy season for Dayton divorce lawyers. Many couples wait until after the holidays and it gives them time to file their taxes “jointly” and receive a larger refund. It also can be a reckoning day when people decide that they deserve better.
While romance abounds with cupid’s magic for some, it also can be a difficult time for many divorced individuals who don’t have a valentine to share it with.
Here are some tips from Jennifer McCarron and Eugene Kayser,licensed family therapists from Abington, Pennsylvania:
Ignore the holiday
Think about Valentine’s Day like a holiday for a religion you do not celebrate. Simply decide you are not participating in the
PUBLISHER’S NOTE:What is the best way to tell children about their parents divorcing? This is a frequent question I am asked. I can’t tell you how many times over the years that I have sent clients a link to this 2010 article from Connecticut Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber. Surely sage advice for all times!
One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.
Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:
If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
PUBLISHER’S UPDATE:Here is another great post about the role FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) plays out in daily and family life It is written by Donna F. Ferber from back on February 28th, 2015! Donna is a psychotherapist in private practice for 30 years in Farmington, Connecticut. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an educator. In her private practice, Donna specializes in issues related to life transitions and has been a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2010. We have enjoyed collaborating on several articles over the years. We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!
The Role FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) Plays Out In Daily and Family Life
Technology has created a glut of new words and expressions. It also has “repurposed” old words; a mouse is no longer just a rodent in my basement. A crash is not a vehicular accident, a chip is not just used for scooping up onion dip and a pad is not just a monthly required feminine product.
PUBLISHER’S UPDATE:Congratulations! We have all made it through Christmas and now New Year’s Eve is just a few days away. I have been considering what to post this week that was timely and relevant. I remembered the great piece we posted 9 years ago that Donna Ferber had written for her first book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce. I received a lot of compliments about it then. I reread it and loved it as much now as I did the first time. Her sage advice warrants a repost, so here it is.
Tips On How To Make New Year’s Eve A New Beginning After Divorce
Many of us actually prefer to stay home on New Year’s Eve or spend the night with friends rather than get all dressed up to trudge through snowy, icy weather, only to eat and drink too much! Yet, the fantasy of this night still seems to hold many captive. The notion of “being alone” on New Year’s Eve makes an otherwise strong, capable, independent adult feel like a gawky 13-year-old wallflower! How is it that one can be spending New Year’s Eve with friends, family, and children, but … Read More... “Blast From The Past: New Year’s Eve: Single not Sad”
PUBLISHER’S UPDATE:Here is a great post about dealing with the holiday season if you are going through a divorce transition. It is written by Donna F. Ferber from back on September 23rd, 2017! Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a psychotherapist in private practice for 30 years in Farmington, Connecticut. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an educator. In her private practice, Donna specializes in issues related to life transitions. These include but are not limited to divorce, remarriage, chronic illness, loss, relocation. Donna has been a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2010. We have enjoyed collaborating on several articles over the years. We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!
Divorce Transition: 10 Tips To Cope With The Holiday Season
A New Book From Happiness Expert Raises Questions About The Longevity Of Married Women
Do Married Women Feel Happy In Their Marriage? Maybe Not Says Happiness Expert
As little girls, many of us dream about that wedding, the white picket fence, babies, and living the perfect life. Who knew that same studies have shown that the happiest in the subgroup of women in the population is actually women who are unmarried and childless?
According to happiness expert, Paul Dolan, a professor at the London School of Economics, studies support that women who are unmarried and childless are the happiest. He says that marriage and raising babies which are the traditional markers associated with success do not correlate with happiness. ln his book Happy Ever After he reported on a study from the American Time Use Survey.
They studied levels of misery and levels of pleasure in separated, divorced, windowed married and unmarried individuals. Dolan says that “the study found that the level of happiness reported by those who were married was higher than the unmarried, but only when their spouse was in the room”. Unmarried individuals reported lower levels of misery than married individuals who were asked when … Read More... “Are Married or Single Women Happier?”
When it comes to raising happy children, some parenting approaches are more effective than others. Well adjusted and happy adults tend to be raised by parents who were caring and engaged, but also set and enforce high expectations for behavior.
A research study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology by Mai Stafford and her colleagues assessed the relationship between parental behaviors and youth well-being beginning when the kids were teens and conducted follow-up assessments when the youth were 36 and 43 years of age.
It’s difficult to conduct research over 30 years, but these scientists discovered a clear relationship between what parents did when their kids were young, and how they turned out as adults. Effective parents had two characteristics.
First, they were attentive and engaged in their children’s lives. They praised their children, were affectionate, and showed a genuine interest in their activities.
There was an open expression of feelings in these families and mutual communication. This isn’t a surprising result. Love matters.
Second, effective parents had a somewhat authoritative parenting style.
Parents Ineffective Style Can Be Damaging To Raising Children