By now, I’m sure that most of you have read how Facebook, and every similar social networking site, makes posting “too much information” on the internet just too easy.  Do a quick Google search for “Facebook and Divorce” and you’ll find links to many articles discussing the correlation of postings on internet social networks to an increase in divorce.  The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says that 81 percent of its members have used or gone up against evidence in court plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube and LinkedIn over the last five years.

Consider the following situations:

• Mom denies in court that she smokes marijuana but posts pot-smoking photos of herself on Facebook;
• Dad claims minimal income from his small business and various “cash only” side jobs he performs but places posts and photos on Facebook of himself on fishing trips, gambling at the riverboat, and with new vehicles, including a Harley Davidson motorcycle; his new girlfriend also posts pictures of some of the gifts she has received from Dad;
• During a custody dispute where Dad is alleging that child’s grades are falling, child is not receiving proper medical treatment, that Mom is allowing numerous men to have access to the child, and that Mom is not adequately supervising child, Mom posts profanity laced messages and pictures of herself partying on different vacations with numerous men in very “R-rated” poses and degrees of clothing;
• Dad denies Mom’s claims that his drinking is excessive or that he has ever jeopardized the children’s safety, yet Dad posts photos on Facebook showing him usually holding a bottle of beer at family functions or out with his drinking buddies appearing highly intoxicated; and
• After a hearing early in a custody proceeding, Mom posts an update on her case on Facebook and uses profanity to describe the Judge who made a ruling against her.

The growing influence of social networking sites is not limited to divorces or custody battles, though.  Posted pictures and comments are now being used as evidence in Domestic Protection Order hearings, Personal Injury cases, and even Criminal cases around the globe.

Recently, one of our attorneys was in a local Domestic Relations Court defending a client against a Protection Order that was requested by his child’s mother.  Our client happens to be in the military, and he was trying to obtain a “Top Security” clearance.  His child’s mother had flippantly and untruthfully filed for a Temporary Protection Order against our client as a way to prove her loyalty to her new boyfriend.  After our client had broken up with her, she falsely claimed that she feared for her safety, although there was no evidence of any violence or threats between her and our client.  Fortunately, we had a “social networking paper trail” of her texts, emails and Facebook messages.  The messages and posts showed that she had intensely pursued and communicated with our client during the time period when he was allegedly making her fear for her safety.  Once the Judge read her postings and messages showing how angry she was with our client for dumping her, the Judge dismissed the case, with prejudice, concluding she was not credible!

While it might be fun to get some “digs” in against an Ex or make announcements to friends and family about the new automobile, vacations, and relationships, doing so  during a divorce, custody battle, or other legal proceeding is very imprudent.

Whether you have an ongoing case or not, the key is to think before you post!! Ask yourself if those negative comments that you’re about to post or those pictures you’re about to upload of you passed out at a party could somehow be used against you in court.  If they could, resist the temptation and don’t post them!  You have to assume that your one-time “significant other,” or his/her friends, will print every negative comment or confession they ever see about you and that his/her attorney will one day enter those pictures and posts as exhibits at a hearing against you.  Remember, search engines are constantly indexing your comments and photos, which means that the things you might have wanted to be private actually became very public information.

Finally, here are five (5) common sense tips that can help prevent you from getting burned with your online posting:

1. Don’t discuss anything that’s going on in court between you and your lawyer - What is discussed by you and your attorney needs to stay between you and your attorney.
2. Fight the urge to trash people online – What you say can and will be used against you.  So, although it can be fun to bad-mouth certain people who have hurt you, in front of all of your mutual friends, don’t do it!  The ex, your child’s other parent, attorneys, and judges can all read.  Plus, you risk being hammered with a defamation suit or a Restraining Order!
3. Pictures are worth a thousand words –  Actually, they can be priceless when used as evidence in Court, so don’t make the other side’s case that much more easier to win.
4. You can block or “unfriend” but you can’t hide – Always remember that those mutual friends you turn to in times of crisis might be friends with your ex, so don’t assume the things you post are limited to just a few people. Play it safe and just don’t post things you don’t want everyone in the world to see.
5. Don’t lie, make confessions or admissions, or post links to pages that you don’t want your ex or his/her attorney to use – “Just Say No” to posting items that are so obvious.  We attorneys really don’t enjoy facing any of these things in Court.

So in conclusion, use your brain and think very carefully about ANYTHING that you post on any social networking sites on the internet.  If in doubt, just don’t post it! The possible ramifications could be huge!

Due to the sputtering economy, the baby boomer generation approaching retirement age, and the ever increasing life expectancy, multi-generational households are becoming more common than they have been in decades.  Due to the need to combine family incomes or in order to take care of an elderly or ill relative, grandparents, parents and children are sharing living space in increasing numbers.  According to the Pew Research Center in Washington, D.C., in 2008, 49 million Americans or 16 percent of the population lived in households with at least two adult generations, an increase of 17 percent from 2000.  This trend comes with numerous legal implications and issues, some of which are discussed below.

When a parent and adult child choose to live together, numerous elder law and estate planning issues arise. First, Medicaid issues need to be considered.  What if a parent contributes money for the child to add an addition to the child’s home for the parent to live in?  This could be construed as a gift that might affect parent’s eligibility for Medicaid if this becomes necessary within the next five years.  What if parent and child purchase a home together?  If parent is on the deed, parent’s ownership is an asset which would have to be liquidated and spent before Medicaid eligibility is attained.  If parent is not on the deed, once again, a gift has been made that could affect Medicaid eligibility.  The likelihood of running out of money and having to apply for Medicaid must be considered and discussed before entering into any of these arrangements. Also, a written lease should be executed if there is to be any exchange of monies, so that valid proof exists of expenditures of reasonable rents being paid as opposed to gifts being exchanged.

Estate planning issues also must be considered.  If parent and child own a home together, when parent dies, will the home have to be sold to pay decedent’s debts or an existing mortgage on the home?  If child is not the only beneficiary, will the house have to be sold so that the estate can be divided among all of the beneficiaries?  Should a survivorship deed be used, resulting in the ownership in the house transferring solely to the surviving owner, or are there other children to consider?  How will the parent’s financial contribution to the house affect parent’s possible desire to treat all of the children equally after death?  Would a trust help?  Possibly, depending on whether Medicaid assistance is likely to be needed in the near future.  Appropriate power of attorney designations also become more critical when an elderly relative is living with other family members.

All of these issues, as well as all possible future financial and health scenarios, must be evaluated thoroughly when entering into such a living arrangement.  Discussing these issues with an elder law and estate planning professional prior to entering into a home sharing arrangement can help prevent possible unfortunate repercussions in the future.

Research published last month in Child Trends reported that happy marriages generally result in happy children. I was asked by a reader if children with any type of physical, emotional or developmental problems cause unhappy marriages.

Research has focused on parents raising children with such problems as Attention Deficit Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder and similar types of disabilities. The research findings have been ambiguous, with some studies finding a higher rate of divorce among such parents, and with others documenting no real differences. However, it’s clear that raising a special-needs child can result in a severe strain on a marriage. Here’s how successful marriages navigate these problems.

1. Put your marriage first. A child with any type of disability demands more time and attention than other children. Good parents naturally want to meet those special needs, but that may result in neglecting your spouse. Healthy relationships take time and work, so it takes an extra effort by both spouses to be attentive to the needs of their marriage partner.
2. Create a “no talk about children” zone. I recently learned about this technique from one of my clients. She found that virtually every conversation with her spouse revolved around some issue with the kids. They established a routine time every week when they are alone and prohibited themselves from talking about the children. This structure has provided both parents with the opportunity to stay connected with each other as people, not just as parents. I like this idea a lot.
3. Maintain your own hobbies and interests. Do something on a routine basis just for you. This makes you a better spouse and a better parent.
4. Talk with your spouse. While communication is a key attribute in all healthy marriages, it is essential if your child has any type of special problems. These youngsters typically have many issues involving their academic progress, medical or psychological therapies, or just increased challenges getting through the day. Dealing with these problems should not fall on one parent, typically a mom, to negotiate and resolve. Parenting is a team endeavor.
5. Don’t let your child’s behavior control your happiness. Many years ago I was a teacher in a classroom of severely disturbed and delayed children. I became close to several of the parents, and asked them how they maintained such a positive and cheerful disposition in spite of their children’s severe problems. They remarked that while their children were extremely important, they refused to allow their kids’ behavior to determine their happiness. They always tried to focus on positive things in their lives.

By the way, what group of parents are least likely to divorce? Couples who marry when they are older than 25, come from an intact family, have a religious affiliation, make more than $50,000 a year, wait until after marriage to have a baby and have attended college have the lowest divorce rate.

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at the Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey and join Dr. Ramey on facebook at www.facebook.com/drgregramey.

[Reprinted by permission from the May 8, 2011, edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Do Challenging Children Cause a Bad Marriage?” Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PhD]

The concept of “paternity” refers to the process of going to court to establish a legal relationship between a father and his child.  The process exists because society has created laws to make sure that children are supported by their own biological parents whenever possible.  A paternity action will help determine who should be paying for that support and how much they should be paying.  In Ohio, a paternity action will only apply to a mother and father who were never married  because any child born during a marriage is presumed to be the husband’s legal child.  Paternity actions between unmarried people are typically heard in a county’s juvenile court.

Who can file for paternity?

In Ohio, the only people who can bring an action to establish paternity are the mother of a child, the alleged father of that child, the child (or a representative of the child), or the Child Support Enforcement Agency in the county where the child resides (if the mother, alleged father or guardian of the child is receiving public assistance on behalf of the child).  A grandparent or other relative cannot file a paternity suit.

Why should someone establish paternity?

Paternity helps to protect both a child and his/her parents.  Being named the legal father allows him to file for custody or visitation.  Establishing parentage also provides the mother with the ability to receive child support for the child.  Determining parentage can also help the child because once parentage is established, a father will often become more involved in a child’s life than he was before parentage was established.  Finally, establishing parentage is also important for health insurance coverage, for inheritance reasons, and for social security or veteran’s benefits.

My child’s mother and I both agree that I am the father.  What do we need to do?

To voluntarily acknowledge paternity, the parties need to complete the “Acknowledgement of Paternity Affidavit”.  This is the simplest way to establish paternity.  That form can be completed at the hospital when your child is born and before both parents leave the hospital.  It can also be completed at your county’s CSEA office or at your local Vital Statistics Registrar.  Once the form is completed and filed, paternity is established and cannot be rescinded.

How does genetic testing work?

Genetic testing, or DNA testing, is used to determine the probability that some alleged father is, indeed, the father of child.  Typically, samples of saliva are taken from the child, mother, and the alleged father.  The CSEA uses genetic testing results when seeking an Administrative Paternity Order (APO).  If the results from the test show that the probability of paternity is equal to or greater than 99 percent, the request for an APO will be granted.  If the probability of paternity is less than 99 percent, then the case will be referred to juvenile court to allow for the examination of additional evidence of paternity.

I was never married to my child’s mother, but I would like visitation.  I’ve never established paternity, so what should I do?

Establish paternity.  This can be done by bringing an action in the juvenile court, or in probate court in some circumstances.  One can also request an Administrative Determination from the CSEA.  Finally, the parties can voluntarily acknowledge paternity by filing the appropriate affidavit with a court, as described above.

How do I establish paternity for my baby if a party is not willing to be tested?

If you want to have a paternity test administered and the other party is not willing to be tested, contact the Child Support Enforcement Agency.  Once you request that a paternity test be administered, the agency will order that both parties submit to testing at the department’s lab.  Both the mother and father, as well as the child, will be tested as stated above.  The lab at the CSEA will conduct the test to determine paternity and will send the results to the court and to both parties.  If either party refuses to submit to the DNA test, that refusal will be referred to Court and may result in a contempt of court charge.

Establishing paternity is usually only the first of many issues in a custody/visitation or support proceeding.  Other issues may include the child’s surname, birthing expenses, health insurance coverage and the allocation of the dependency tax exemption.  It is important that if you are involved with these issues that you seek an experienced lawyer to advise you about your rights.

My wife and I have raised two (2) sons and we personally experienced the terror of a child becoming lost in a public place.  Fortunately, ours ended like most of these situations with our son being located and returned safely.  So, that being said, I want to thank Keith Kepler, the Vice President and General Manager at AlliedBarton Security Services, for sending the Ohio Family Law Blog these important tips about protecting our children from becoming lost or missing. I think that his advice is spot-on.  Please take a moment and read his practical suggestions:

A lost child is a parent’s worst nightmare.  As families plan to spend more time outdoors, on vacation and in busy public places this summer, it is important to be prepared. A survey of parents by the Center to Prevent Lost Children showed that 90 percent of families will experience losing a child in a public place at least once, and 20 percent said it has happened more than once.  The United States Department of Justice reports that more than 300,000 children become temporarily lost for at least one hour, but the good news is that a majority of those children are quickly found and not harmed.

It is important to try to prevent a child from getting lost but even more important that the child knows what to do if they do get lost.  Preparing yourself and a child can make this frightening situation become a bit easier for everyone involved.  Remember that amusement parks and vacation spots are not the only places where children can get separated from their parents.

What to do if my Child Becomes Lost at a Public Place?

• Before you go anywhere, talk to your family about what to do if someone gets lost. Discuss a designated place to go if you get lost or advise children to stay right where they are when they feel that they are lost.  Tell children to find a security officer, police officer, or an employee if you are in a public place, or remind them they can ask another mom with kids for help.
• Prepare your children so that they can identify themselves. For younger children, have their identification information in their pocket.  If they are old enough to speak and can relay the information, practice reciting your phone number with them, and let them know they can always call 911.
• For younger children, or when clothes don’t have pockets, be creative.  Make a bracelet out of numbered beads or write your phone number inside a shirt collar or on a shirt tag with a fabric marker.
• Dress children in brightly colored clothing so that they can easily be spotted.  Lemon yellow and lime green are the suggested colors because they easily attract the eye.  You might also have a piece of clothing that is only worn when the child goes out in public so you can easily remember what they are wearing.
• Use your cell phone to take a photo of your child before you leave home or when you arrive at your destination.  This will help police find a lost child because they will be aware of exactly what the child is wearing, and how they look that day.
• Positive reinforcement is the best way to prevent a child from wandering away from you when you are in a public place.  Speak with your child about stranger danger, and remind them of the importance of staying with you.

Sometimes children do get lost, and it is easy for parents and guardians to forget what to do in this scary situation.  Many public places have standard procedures of what to do when a child is missing, so make sure authorities and the venue’s management are notified that the child is lost.  Authorities will be able to help because they are familiar with the area’s surroundings, and could have the capability to lockdown buildings or issue an alert.

What to do if my Child Becomes Lost at Home?

• If you are at home, search your house first before going outside.  Be sure to look in the most common hiding and play spots first.  Check closets, laundry baskets and piles of clothes, in and under beds, in large appliances, in vehicles and other areas where the child may hide or play.
• If you still can’t find the child in the home, call 911 to notify them and let them know if you feel the child is in any danger.  Police departments would rather be aware of the situation and called back when the child is found, rather than wasting valuable minutes to find the child.  Time is crucial once a child has been separated from you.
• Stay calm.  Screaming the child’s name won’t help you locate the child any faster if they are not close by.  Plus yelling the child’s name could lure the wrong type of person to your child who may be screaming back for you.
• Make sure the phone number your child knows, preferably a cell phone, is on and is receiving a signal.  Also, be sure to have a close family member or neighbor near your home phone so that you can stay in the area where the child was last seen.

Just like any other emergency plan, it is important to review and practice your family’s strategy if a child gets lost.  Children can be better prepared to know what to do in the situation, and will feel more confident that they will be reunited with their family if they understand the family’s “lost” procedures.

About Keith Kepler: Mr. Kepler is the Vice President and General Manager at AlliedBarton Security Services which is a premier provider of highly trained security personnel to many industries including higher education, commercial real estate, healthcare, residential communities, chemical/petrochemical, government, manufacturing and distribution, financial institutions, and shopping centers.  AlliedBarton has over 50,000 employees and 100 offices located across the United States.