The Various Stages of Post-Divorce Transition…Once The Initial Shock Wears Off
I have been doing some reading lately regarding the various stages of post-divorce transition folks go through to compare it with what I have seen as a divorce lawyer over the past 40+ years. The various “expert’s” articles that I have read seem to confirm many of my personal observations.
Generally there are 5 to 7 different phases that psychologists have identified. Just like grief moves through different stages, so do divorced individuals. Like with grief, the stages vary with each person as does the length of each phase. This is understandable since often it is just one party that wants out of the marriage.
In a well-written article by Robert Taibbi, LCSW, posted in Psychology Today on March 11, 2023, titled 6 Stages of Separation or Divorce, the author clearly lays out the various stages of life during and after a divorce. He states that “once the initial shock wears off, many feel shell-shocked for many weeks. It takes about 6-12 months to feel more grounded”. Click here to read this article.
Beware the Calm Before the Stormy 7 Stages of Divorce
Dr. Jamie C. Williamson, PhD., a Florida certified divorce mediator and co-owner of the Amity Mediation Workshop has researched and written about this subject extensively. Here is her graphic showing the stages:
Click here, to read Dr. Williamson’s post titled, Beware the Calm Before the Stormy 7 Stages of Divorce. She goes into excellent detail about each of the 7 stages and, in my opinion, offers valuable insights.
What Robert Taibbi and Dr. Williamson describe in their articles is consistent with generally what I have observed in my practice. I have posted extensively on the Ohio Family Law Blog about this subject over the years. I strongly believe that involving therapists and counselors (along with other needed professionals) into the divorce process early on is fundamental to cutting down the length of that rebuilding phase.
Here are just some of those blogs explaining my point of view on this topic:
- Tips to Avoid Exhaustion After Your Divorce from 2022.
- Move Forward with Post-Divorce Transition Tips from 2020.
- 6 Reasons That Hiring a Therapist May Help Your Case from 2018.
- Should I Hire a Psychologist During a Divorce from 2018.
- Divorce Can Cause Emotional Explosions from 2008.
- Are Divorce Lawyers Just “Love Undertakers” from 2019.
- Divorce Coach? Consider One If Going Through A Divorce from 2021.
- Life After Divorce: 7 Steps to Find Your Way Back by Dr. Karen Finn from 2021.
- How To Be Happy With Your Life Post-Divorce by Dr. Karen Finn in 2023.
- After Divorce – How to Forgive and Let Go by Dr. Karen Finn in 2021.
- What To Do if You’re Struggling With Life After Divorce by Dr. Karen Finn in 2021.
Is a multi-disciplinary team best?
If you take the time to read these blogs, you will see how strongly I believe that involving counseling as a component DURING the divorce process is frequently needed! I can tell you that by utilizing this approach, the results that I have seen with my clients in being able to move forward in to the new chapter of rebuilding their lives and reaching a quicker level of happiness has been remarkably positive!
If you find yourself interviewing your possible divorce lawyer, ask what his/her philosophy is about counseling and the prospective lawyer’s philosophy about the scope of their role as your divorce lawyer. Ask if they are there solely to give you legal advice or do they view their role more broadly? Are they willing to work as part of a team with other needed professionals such as therapists, counselors, accountants, tax professionals, appraisers, financial planners and advisors? In my view, a multi-disciplinary team often works best for the client.
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Attorney Robert “Chip” Mues has been focusing his legal practice throughout Southwest Ohio primarily in divorce and family law matters since 1978. Chip is passionate about family law and has proudly published the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2007. In addition, he is the managing partner of Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues. To learn more about him or the law firm, visit the firm’s website at www.hcmmlaw.com. Appointments are available in person, over the phone or by Zoom. Call us at 937 293-2141.
