What I Wish All Kids of Divorced Parents Thought About the Holidays!

divorced parents holidays

PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Here is one Dr. Karen Finn wrote and posted to her blog on December 9, 2013. Her advice on kids of divorced parents, seems timeless and appropriate…

Divorced Parents: Divorce and the holidays can make things pretty miserable for kids. Here’s how to help your kids of divorce have happier holidays even if they aren’t with you.

divorced parents holidaysFor way too many kids of divorced parents the holidays aren’t all that merry. Instead, the holidays are filled with confusion and guilt. These kids experience confusion because they often have a hard time keeping track of schedules about when they’re going to be with Mom, when they’re going to be with Dad, and when they’re going to be with their friends. Then layered on top of this confusion is guilt.

Kids of divorced parents often feel the need to be actors. They don’t want to upset Mom by talking about Dad in front of her and they don’t want to upset Dad by talking about Mom in front of him. So, these kids learn to act like their other parent isn’t as important as the parent they’re with right now. The pressure to continue the charade amps up around … Read More... “What I Wish All Kids of Divorced Parents Thought About the Holidays!”

Divorced Parents Must Put Children First

divorced parents shared parenting

Is Shared Parenting Harmful To Children Of Divorced Parents?

divorced parents shared parentingPreschool children from divorced parents did better psychologically if they lived in shared parenting environments compared with kids living primarily with one parent, according to recently published research in Acta Paediatrica.

Experts reviewed the adjustment of 3,656 Swedish children living in two-parent families, joint custody environments, or with one parent after a divorce. Its traditionally been argued that young children (aged 3 to 5) need the stability and consistency of one home, but this research found that assumption to be false.

This study makes me very uneasy. I’m fearful that attorneys and others will use this research to justify shared parenting arrangements that are harmful to kids. Joint custody remains uncommon for some very good reasons.

People divorce for many factors, but there are typically significant issues with communication, problem-solving, and trust. Those are exactly the skills needed to make joint custody successful for kids. In some ways, shared parenting makes no sense. We’re asking parents who failed at the skills needed to maintain their marriage to use those skills in a very challenging parenting role.

I’m not condemning all joint custody arrangements, just arguing that it is extraordinarily difficult for … Read More... “Divorced Parents Must Put Children First”