Grandparent Custody Issues From a Psychologist’s Viewpoint

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Parenting Role Can Take Toll On Grandparents

Derek is an overwhelming challenge to his caregivers. He is active, curious and extremely talkative. Derek is a picky eater, occasionally wets the bed and is an endless bundle of energy. In short, Derek is a normal 3-year-old boy, so why was a psychologist seeing him?

The issue wasn’t really about Derek, but his family. Derek’s dad was absent, and his mom was in a drug rehab program. Derek was being raised by two loving grandparents in their early 60s. When confronted with the choice of foster home placement or caring for their grandson, the grandparents obtained custody of Derek. The grandparents were generally in good health and totally committed to their grandson. Even so, they struggled with the challenges of raising a toddler.

Derek’s situation is not uncommon. Primarily, grandparents raise about 2.5 million children. Twenty-nine percent of these grandparents are more than 60 years of age, and 19 percent of them live in poverty. For 1 million of these children, grandparents are raising these kids for five or more years.

I’ve worked with numerous grandparents who are raising … Read More... “Grandparent Custody Issues From a Psychologist’s Viewpoint”

Domestic violence and some relevant statistics. What do they tell us?

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Domestic Violence is defined as a pattern of behavior utilized to establish power and control over another person. It typically involves an escalating pattern of abuse where one party in an intimate relationship controls the other through intimidation, threats of violence or actual violence. The abusers frequently manage to virtually “brainwash” the victim into believing that it was his/her fault and the abuse or beating was deserved. According to the National Violence Against Women Survey, nearly twenty-five percent (25%) of American women report being raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, co-habitating partner, or a date at some time in their lives. Forty percent (40%) of adult Americans say they know a woman who has been physically abused in the past year by a male. In 2006, Ohio Law Enforcement Agencies responded to 71,946 domestic dispute calls (Ohio Attorney General’s Criminal Indemnification 2006 Statistics). Of those calls to the police, 34,021 were categorized as domestic violence incidents. Ohio’s statistics for the year of 2006, show that sixty-five percent (65%) of the alleged offenders were Caucasian; seventy-seven percent (77%) were men; and sixty-seven percent … Read More... “Domestic violence and some relevant statistics. What do they tell us?”

Avoid Headache, Safeguard Your Assets

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Jeffrey Lalloway, publisher of the California Divorce and Family Law Blog, wrote this excellent article. I couldn’t agree more with his suggestions!

Lessen impact of divorce on credit

Avoid HeadacheIf you’re planning to file for divorce this year or are already splitting your assets with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, your credit is likely to take a hit.

Many people don’t realize that lenders do not honor court decrees that assign payment responsibilities for joint loans. The mistaken assumption that you’re off the hook for financial obligations can result in a series of missed payments that may trash your credit score for years.

This needn’t happen if you safeguard your credit before you file for divorce. Consider these tips from John Ulzheimer, author of “You’re Nothing but a Number” and an expert at Credit.com, a consumer personal finance site.

If you have joint accounts with your spouse, do your best to turn them into individual accounts so that it will be easier for the divorce court to split up your financial responsibilities. To do that you will need your spouse’s permission, which means you’re going to have to let … Read More... “Avoid Headache, Safeguard Your Assets”

Relocation Issues

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Twenty to thirty years ago, there was no issue related to “relocation”. There was a custodial parent, usually the Mother, and a non-custodial parent, usually the Father. If Mother wanted to relocate to return to the home of her family, to join her new husband at his next assignment, or to find a better paying employment position, Mother simply relocated or moved to her next city or state of residence.

Today, the issue of “relocation” has become an issue of much importance. Fathers’ rights have come to the forefront as Fathers have become more involved in the rearing of their children. My Father never changed a diaper, never bathed or dressed me or my siblings, and certainly was not involved in other parenting tasks involving “hands on” care. His primary “job” as Husband and Father was to be the breadwinner for the family!

Many Fathers of today do share in the parenting responsibilities of their children; and, some Fathers have actually been designated as the primary care-givers of their children. Recall Dustin Hoffman in Kramer versus Kramer. Thus, if a Mother decides she wants to move or … Read More... “Relocation Issues”

Penalty in Cincinnati for Bigamy

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I learned of this Ohio bigamy case on Janet Langjahr’s excellent Florida Divorce Law Blog.

Ohio man is convicted of bigamy.
Man is sentenced to probation – and ordered to get a divorce from one of his three wives within six months.
Man fails to get divorce.
Man is arrested for probation violation.
Man is confined to house arrest.
Man is again ordered to get divorce.
Man faces jail time for probation violation and, presumably, original offense. But the judge doesn’t want to put Man in jail. The judge just wants Man to get a divorce from one of his wives.
However, that still appears to leave Man with one wife too many …

Read more in this Cincinnati Enquirer article: “Bigamist gets time to divorce a wife.”

Source: “OH: Penalty for Bigamy? Get a Divorce Already”, published by Janet Langjahr at her Florida Divorce Law Blog on January 6, 2008.


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Most preventable mental disorder in children is Divorce-related trauma

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Divorced parents simply have no appreciation of the trauma they cause their children, most of which is totally preventable. Yes, divorce is difficult for kids, but they can successfully deal with it if they have parents who love them more than they dislike their ex-spouse.

Parents underestimate what their children feel, think and experience about the divorce process. Kids really do pick up on your subtle sarcasm, rolling of the eyes, abrupt style and frequent put downs of your ex-spouse. Why do divorced parents behave in such a terrible manner? I’ve asked that question many times to parents in my office, and I typically get a litany of the many real and perceived hurts inflicted by the ex-spouse. Bad behavior by one parent doesn’t justify retribution by the other.

Here’s what a 10-year told me recently. “They think I don’t know stuff they say about each other but I do. It hurts. It hurts a lot!”

[Reprinted by permission from the Dec. 30 edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Thoughts on children drawn from past year”, Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PH.D.]


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How to Select a Divorce Lawyer Pt. 2

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In Part 2 of “How to Select a Divorce Lawyer” attorney Robert Mues continues his key considerations in selecting the “right” divorce lawyer:

The “Hot Potato Shuffle”

Some family law firms shuffle clients between lawyers in the firm like they are “hot potatoes.” Clarify at the start of the representation the firm’s policy on the subject. While this type of treatment may work on a personal injury, criminal or insurance defense matter, it rarely results in high client satisfaction at the conclusion of a divorce case.

Guaranteed Results

The objective in hiring your divorce lawyer should be to find excellent representation not specific results. Be leery of any attorney who makes broad guarantees at an initial conference. There are many shades of gray in family law litigation. The ultimate results in any divorce case are impacted by the facts and oftentimes which judge is assigned the case. Therefore, it is usually premature to make definitive representations at an initial conference. Watch out for the “bait and switch” tactics!

How Much Will the Divorce Cost?

This is one of the toughest questions a family law attorney is ever … Read More... “How to Select a Divorce Lawyer Pt. 2”

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