Divorce: Why Marriages Fall Apart – And The Survey Says…

How Does A Marriage Fall Apart? Divorce Reseach Reveals Top 10 Reasons

divorce surveyThe reasons couples divorce are as varied and different as the individuals involved.  However, upon closer examination, it seems that there is often a common thread as to why the breakdown occurred.

The British law firm of Slater & Gordon interviewed 1000 divorcees in order to better understand how a marriage ends up falling apart.

Their research showed that the top 10 reasons given for divorce were: 1 – infidelity, 2 – we were unhappy, 3 – we argued too much, 4 – we fell out of love, 5 – we didn’t communicate anymore, 6 – we wanted different things, 7 – they changed, 8 – we didn’t feel like partners anymore, 9 – they were abusive and 10 – we had money problems.

The rest of the firm’s findings are displayed in the infographic below.

divorce survey

The firm’s results clearly show that divorce is not something that couples enter into lightly.  In fact, those surveyed stated that, on average, they thought about divorcing their spouse for 2 years before it actually happened.

In addition, the findings also demonstrate that it is not uncommon for finances to play a … Read More... “Divorce: Why Marriages Fall Apart – And The Survey Says…”

Here’s What Functioning Marriages Have in Common

marriages functioningI’m often asked if it’s difficult being a psychologist and listening to kids’ problems all day. I enjoy that part of the job, because it’s fun helping young people make positive changes.

It’s a lot tougher listening to parents discuss their troubled marriages. These are often narratives of lives of quiet desperation and unfulfilled dreams.

Here’s what great marriages have in common.

  1. Communicate. Partners in great relationships freely talk about their hopes, feelings, fears and dreams. They are responsive to their spouse’s styles and adjust accordingly. When problems occur, they avoid either extreme of acting with emotional escalation or withdrawal. Great communication is based upon each partner creating a sense of safety that allows the other person to freely say what they think and feel. One of my favorite quotes is from the English novelist George Eliot. “Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out… knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
  2. Build Trust. Great marriages are based upon each person being authentic.  Partners
… Read More... “Here’s What Functioning Marriages Have in Common”

Marriages: Do Couples Need More Than Love to Last?

Research Suggests More to Just Love in Successful Marriages

Marriages Can End In Divorce About 40 to 50 Percent of the Time

marriages“All You Need is Love” may be one of the greatest songs written by The Beatles, but the premise is scientifically invalid according to recent research published in the April 2013 Monitor on Psychology.

About 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, but here’s how to beat those statistics, according to the experts who have studied successful marriages.

  1. Work hard. People who stay married for a long time make a conscious effort at working at their relationships. They place their commitment to each other as a higher priority than work, hobbies and even their children. They know that the best way to be a great parent is to be in a loving and long-lasting relationship.
  2. Talk about things that matter. It’s so easy to waste time talking about routine matters of work, family or chores. Happy couples talk about their dreams, fears, hopes and fantasies. They share very private and personal feelings and thus stay emotionally engaged with their partner. With a psychological security based on trust and communication, these couples can truly be
… Read More... “Marriages: Do Couples Need More Than Love to Last?”