Advice from Others Archives - Page 2 of 6

Blast From The Past: Divorce, Summer Holidays for Those Newly Divorced

PUBLISHERS NOTE: Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber penned this post about divorce back in 2015. It is still a good read about the struggles a newly divorced person experiences during the summer holidays. We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!

The Struggle Of Divorce During the Summer Holidays – How To Juggle The Roles And Responsibilities In Your Life

Memorial Day, Labor Day and 4th of July are holidays that celebrate different aspects of American culture. Memorial Day honors those who fought to defend our principles and ideals, Labor Day honors our work ethic, and 4th of July honors our fight for independence. We don’t consider them “big holidays.” They are, for most of us, times to be outdoors, watch some fireworks, and eat lots of good food. They also give us an extended weekend.

For a newly divorced person, however, these holidays can take on great significance. You, too, have been fighting for your principles, working hard, and struggling with your newfound independence. No three holidays in our calendar reflect your struggle as these three do. Since we do not … Read More... “Blast From The Past: Divorce, Summer Holidays for Those Newly Divorced”

How to Help Your Kids Deal with Tough Times

PUBLISHERS NOTE: While this advice by Dr. Ramey was geared towards kids, I think it also applies to adults going through “tough times” like a divorce. What do you think?

Should We Protect Our Kids From Life’s Tough Times Or Should We Only Help Them?

Bad stuff happens to our kids every day. Wise parents don’t go to extraordinary means to protect kids from life, but rather they help their children manage minor frustrations or major traumas. These are the ways I approach these kids in my office.

This will pass. Youngsters often think that the intense emotional pain they feel today will continue forever. Adults know that both good and bad times are transitory. It’s hard to explain that to kids, who may feel that you are discounting their feelings.
Avoid mis attribution. In trying to make sense of their parents’ divorce or being rejected from a basketball team, youngsters often come up with some very weird and inaccurate explanations. They may blame themselves or some irrelevant or random event. It’s difficult for kids to understand that the reasons why things occur are often unknown, and unknowable.
Get on with your life. People come to my office wanting to

How to Navigate the Challenges that the Holidays can Bring

Do You Dread Holiday Celebrations And Family Gatherings?

It’s a time of year with many holiday celebrations and gatherings. These are joyous experiences for many, but a difficult time for others. Our lives are not like a Hallmark Channel story with freshly baked cookies, fake snow, and conflicts that always have happy endings.

We know that our happiness comes more from the people whom we love rather than the gifts that we get.

However, past hurts (whether real or imagined) may feel particularly intense right now, in marked contrast to the apparent happiness around us.

Here are some particularly challenging situations.

Divorce. Some kids tell me that they like the fact that their parents are divorced because they get twice as many gifts. Humor hides their pain. Most of them want what they will never get – their mom and dad back together again.

The best gift you can give your children is to develop a business-like relationship with your ex-spouse. You need not forget yesterday’s betrayal and pain. You just need to love your kids more than you dislike your ex-spouse, and put their needs above your anger and anguish.

Call your ex-spouse to work out the holiday visits,

Blast From The Past: Don’t Create Halloween Horrors for your Child!

PUBLISHERS NOTE: “Halloween can be very tricky for divorced parents. Here is some great advice from Psychotherapist Donna Ferber from way back in 2010. If you enjoy this article, you would love her book, “From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey Through Divorce” available on Amazon and Kindle. Also, check out her website, www.DonnaFerber.com.”

Make Your Child’s Halloween A Positive Experience Post Divorce

For many kids, Halloween is one of the most important holidays of the year. The child of divorce is faced with choices and concerns. Who will take me treat-or-treating? Who will get my costume and dress me? Where will I trick-or-treat?

Then, of course, there logistical problems for the divorced parents. By addressing these issues in advance, parents can reduce stress and not distract from the child’s positive experience. These include:

In two-parent homes, often one parent gives out candy while the other parent takes the child trick-or-treating. Now there is only one parent in the home. Do you stay and give out candy or do you go with your child?
Parents often do not specify in their divorce decree who “gets” the child on October 31. If it falls on a visitation day, some

6 Things Parents Don’t Want to Hear About Their Children

I enjoy speaking with parents at workshops, most of which focus on issues such as using praise, time out, or selective attention. However, I’ve acquired a somewhat problematic habit over the years-saying things that turn off most of the audience.

It’s easy to talk about discipline techniques, but it’s tricky to openly discuss some uncomfortable realities about being a mom or dad. Here is my list of the top six things that are rarely well received.

Don’t make children your highest priority. It’s a serious mistake to make your children the center of your universe. You need to take better care of yourself and spend lots of time with your spouse. Is it essential to attend all of your kids’ sporting events or play performances? Mentally healthy kids learn about compromise and caring by seeing that their parents don’t put children on a pedestal and cater to their every whim.
You can’t control how your kids turn out. Most parents work hard and sacrifice many of their dreams to care for another life. You’d like to think that there is a relationship between what you do, and what you get. While parents have lots of influence, great parents can raise

Parenting with Dr. Ramey: 2017’s Best Quotes Say a Lot About Us

Here’s my annual list of the most noteworthy quotes from 2017.

“I believe I was made the way I am, all parts of me, by my heavenly parents. They did not mess up when they gave me brown eyes … or when they made me gay. God loves me just this way, because he loves all his creations“ affirmed 12-year-old Savannah to her Mormon congregation. It’s about time that we judge people on how they act, not on who they love. This youngster should be praised for her courage, not criticized for her feelings.
“Give extra, get extra. Sometimes the little things last the longest” This ad for gum is also a wonderful philosophy for life. Small things can have a big impact. Never underestimate the power of a kind word, a warm embrace, a genuine smile, or your mere presence. Every day is a new opportunity to put aside yesterday’s troubles and hurts, and show others the best part of who you are.
“We have witnessed first-hand the stress that overdue fines can cause for students,” said by Steven Beardsley, in explaining why Harvard students will no longer have to pay fines for late books. There may

Unexpected Benefits of Tough Times in Childhood

A man in his late 30s stopped by my office unexpectedly and asked me the most terrifying question you can ask a child psychologist, “Do you remember me?”

I looked at his face and quickly tried to imagine what he looked like as a child. He finally gave me his name, and I remembered him immediately. As a young boy, he had a horrendous childhood, growing up in multiple foster homes. However, he came by to tell me how well he was doing, both professionally and personally.

I fear he is an exception. Adverse childhood experiences resonate throughout a person’s life, placing kids at risk for a variety of physical and mental problems. Hundreds of studies conducted over the past 40 years have come to the same conclusions. Bad childhoods have long-term effects.

While we’ve extensively studied the negative impact of early childhood stress, might those same bad events have some positive consequences? I’ve just read a fascinating article by Megan Hustad in Psychology Today on the “Surprising Benefits for Those Who Had Tough Childhoods.” Hustad argues that there are an increasing number of studies that have discovered that bad times have positive effects on some kids.

Youngsters … Read More... “Unexpected Benefits of Tough Times in Childhood”

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