parents Archives - Page 5 of 12 - Ohio Family Law Blog

8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Children…

In the midst of an intense discussion or at the end of a difficult day, we don’t always say the right things to our children. But what we say can make a big impact, good or bad.

Here’s a list of things you should never say to your kids:

“I know exactly how you feel.” This is a real turn-off for kids. You can’t be sure you really know their feelings, and it comes across as dismissive. Instead, reflect back what you think your child may be experiencing. “You seem disappointed that you didn’t make the basketball team.”

“The pilot won’t let you off this plane unless you stop crying.” I heard a frustrated dad say this to his young son on a long plane trip. The rule is simple. Never threaten what you are unable or unwilling to deliver.

“You are too young to understand.” This is one of the most condescending things that parents say to kids, particularly to preteens. Instead of denying information to kids, answer their questions in a way that is consistent with their level of understanding. This doesn’t mean that kids are entitled to always have their questions answered. For example, you have every … Read More... “8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Children…”

Should Parental Alienation be Classified as a Mental Disorder?

We have blogged in the past about parental alienation and “Parental Alienation Syndrome.” Currently, Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a hot topic among the family law and psychiatric communities. The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its formal list of medical disorders and, therefore, has to decide whether to include PAS in its new list of confirmed mental health disorders.

According to Wikipedia, “Parental Alienation Syndrome (abbreviated as PAS) is a term coined by Richard A. Gardner in the early 1980s to refer to what he describes as a disorder in which a child, on an ongoing basis, belittles and insults one parent without justification, due to a combination of factors, including indoctrination by the other parent (almost exclusively as part of a child custody dispute) and the child’s own attempts to denigrate the target parent”.

I suspect virtually all Family Law attorneys will tell you that, unfortunately, purposeful parental alienation is all too common in hotly contested custody actions. So, while there appears to be little debate on its existence, there is a bitter debate as to whether it represents a mental illness. On top of that, there is concern that certain opposition to visiting with … Read More... “Should Parental Alienation be Classified as a Mental Disorder?”

Registering an Out-of-State Decree when a Parent and Minor Children have Relocated to Ohio

In the days of my parents who were born in the 1920’s, persons typically lived in the small towns or cities in which they were born and remained there carrying on the family farms or businesses or following the trades or professions of their parents. In today’s society, people are much more mobile. Persons move to find employment, attend college, or due to military assignments. Many individuals who have had their marriage terminated in another State may find themselves now living in the Miami Valley area. Some of those persons are parents of minor children. So, if Post-Decree problems occur, to which Court do they go for help or assistance?

I should explain that “Post-Decree” refers to situations which occur after the parties’ Final Judgment and Decree of Divorce or after the parties’ Decree of Dissolution of Marriage have been filed. So, the parties’ marriage has ended but issues may continue regarding spousal support, child support, parenting time schedules, transportation, etc. If the parties’ Final Decree of Divorce or Final Decree of Dissolution was filed in a state other than the State of Ohio, that Decree is referred to as a “foreign decree”. It is “foreign” in the sense that … Read More... “Registering an Out-of-State Decree when a Parent and Minor Children have Relocated to Ohio”

Should Teen Expose Dad’s Infidelity?

“How often do parents cheat on each other?” asked 16-year-old Jason during one of our recent sessions.

There was an uncomfortable silence for several moments. I knew this was going to be extremely difficult for Jason to handle, so I started by providing him with some facts about marital infidelity.

I told him that it was impossible to really know the answer to his question, as people are reluctant to be truthful. However, experts estimate that anywhere from 30 to 60 percent of married people have sexual relationships with someone other than their spouses.

“Do they usually get divorced once it’s discovered?” he asked.

“Not always,” I responded. “About 30 to 50 percent of the time, marriages can survive in spite of this serious problem.” He seemed reassured by my answer.

There are typically concerns behind such questions. Jason eventually told me that he had read an e-mail on his dad’s computer describing in graphic detail the sexual contact that had apparently been going on between his dad and a female friend.

Jason was emotionally traumatized after reading this letter. He felt angry at his dad, but Jason also was extremely confused about what if anything to say to his … Read More... “Should Teen Expose Dad’s Infidelity?”

When Your Ex Opts Out -Talking to Your Children When Your Former Spouse Decides to Not Parent

Consistently, one of my favorite blogs is Michael Mastracci’s Divorce Without Dishonor Blog. Mike is an excellent attorney from Baltimore, Maryland. His own difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to his personal interest in collaborative family law. Both attorneys and clients should include his blog on their frequent read list. Mike regularly espouses ethical, moral and philosophical standards that we should aspire to meet. I have personally and professionally been a proponent of child welfare issues for over 30 years. So, when I read his recent post about “When Your Ex Opts Out – Talking to Your Children When Your Former Parent Decides to Not Parent”, I had to ask Mike if I could have his permission to republish it. He kindly agreed. Here it is:

Although most divorcing couples deeply desire a relationship with their children after the marriage dissolves, there are exceptions to this rule. Sometimes, one of the newly divorced parents feels that their life would be easier or freer if not encumbered by their children. They drop out of the picture for an unpredictable period of time, sometimes weeks or even years. The custodial parent is left to explain their actions to

Should I Get a Divorce for the Sake of My Kids?

Would my kids be better off if I got a divorce” is one of the toughest questions I have been asked in therapy. I try to help parents work through this complicated question. The answer has lifelong implications for the entire family.

Here are the five factors that I ask parents to consider:

1. Unhappy marriages can improve. Overwhelmed by the stress of work, children and a perceived lack of support from a spouse, many parents feel trapped in unhappy relationships with few prospects for improvement. Recent research by Linda Waite has challenged that assumption, finding that two-thirds of unhappy spouses who stayed together actually improved their marriages over a five-year period. Sometimes couples’ satisfaction was due to actively working on problems, but in other cases marriage partners just became more accepting of their spouses. In other situations, marital satisfaction increased when stressful events such as finances or child-rearing decreased.

2. Divorce doesn’t always bring happiness for the adults. Some of the same issues that cause an unhappy marriage can linger on after a divorce. I’ve found that many parents, both men and women, misattributed the reasons for their unhappiness. They blame their spouses for feeling unhappy or unfulfilled and … Read More... “Should I Get a Divorce for the Sake of My Kids?”

Sudden Divorce Syndrome: Reality or Myth?

I am pleased that Donna Ferber, a psychotherapist and a frequent contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog has agreed to co-author this article with me! Our goal is to present both the legal and emotional perspectives of a trend that we are seeing in our professional practices: long term marriages ending by divorce when the wife has come to the conclusion that she has just “had enough” and that the husband is seemingly caught “blindsided” by the situation. The intent of the article is not a male versus female point and counterpoint, but rather a collaborative discourse that can provide insight into the complexity of the issues.

My legal analysis is in regular black font and Donna’s perspective as a psychotherapist is in blue italics…

Having been a divorce lawyer for over 30 years, I see recurring themes in many of my cases. Statistics show that there will be about a million divorces in the United States this year. About 75% are filed by women. More of my male clients are telling me that they are completely “blind-sided” by the divorce situation. These are individuals in long-term marriages who have honored their wedding vows, are not abusers, and … Read More... “Sudden Divorce Syndrome: Reality or Myth?”

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